Sometimes I feel like I think about *BDLism in a different way from other *BDL's. Of course, since I don't have THAT much contact with other *BDL's, maybe I'm just imagining things. Whatever the matter, there's no way of knowing until I voice my thoughts. Really, I want to know how many others feel the way I do. There are really two things in particular that are coming to mind: mommies and asceticism.
I don't really want a mommy, daddy, etc. On the contrary, I'm kind of turned off by the idea of having someone take care of me like that. I really don't want anyone to change me or pamper me. Something about it just feels wrong to me. It's a private part of my life, and I'd like it to more or less stay that way. Regarding my girlfriend, I'd be delighted if she ever wanted to get involved, e.g. trying on a diaper. But I'm more concerned with being comfortable enough to be in diapers around her, and far less so with having her actually engage me in that manner.
For me, diapers hold a nearly ascetic quality about them, insofar as when I wear a diaper, there is a feeling of self-subjugation. Part of what makes them so appealing is taking on the burden of having to tend to myself in such an intimate way. Helplessness here is manifest in the inability to control myself, in the need for protection, as if I were a child. Thus, I have noticed that rather than growing tired of diapers when I wear for days on end, the satisfaction grows as the initial thrill and pleasure of being diapered wears off and it becomes an increasingly laborious task to maintain myself.
I see the two as being closely linked in the idea of the adult child. That is, not an adult who behaves as a child, but one who is an adult and yet is also a child. There are all the virtues of adulthood present: self-control, discipline, and autonomy, qualities of the adult as a rational subject. Yet, there is also vulnerability, physical incapacity, and ultimately a profound humility that is reflective of the child on a physical, objective level. The unity of the adult subject within the childish object is what I seek.
This is why I come to value the diaper the most when it ceases to be an object of desire, becoming instead a responsibility, a thing forced upon me rather than something I actively take on for the mere gratification of desire. And this is also why the idea of the mommy disturbs me a little, because the idea of someone violating my autonomy is anathema to my dignity as an adult, and, perhaps more so, because it is a violation of her dignity to subject her to what to most is such a foul deed -- changing an adult's diaper.
It's very late, and I've just finished an agonizing paper on 19th century philosophy. I'm getting a little delirious from lack of sleep... and from communism... if you've gotten this far, thanks for reading