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Thread: Babies!?!!??!!!???

  1. #1

    Default Babies!?!!??!!!???

    Ok well this is the first help post ive posted here so can i first say thanks for opening the thread. and secondly this is a call for advice. ok so let me fill you in.

    Ive been going out with my gf for four years come december. im madly in love with her and well we un officially engaged. now we had a conversation the other day and she told me she doesnt want to have kids. now shes 21 and im 22 so im like well thats normal. but she is insisting that she will never want them, and well i kinda believe her cos she hates kids, even ones shes related to. so anyway we left it at lets not worry about that now.

    So i'm fairly positive im gona want kids when im older so im sorta stumped. should i just leave it and cross that bridge when i come to it or should i make a clean break so she can find someone who doesnt want kids and i can find someone who does. any advice or anything at all would be appreciated. i dont think i can talk to people in my non internet life cos either they are my age and wont have a clue or are related to me and will be freaked out. so yeah thanks for reading this and as i said anything is apreciated

  2. #2

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    Sounds like this subject needs to be seriously discussed between the two of you, both from the standpoint of now and in the future. She sounds pretty sure of herself not wanting kids....ever! You, on the other hand, sound pretty sure you'll want at least one child, if not now, perhaps a few years from now after you've had time to be together - just you and her. Before you both make the final commitment and get married, you really need to know how strong her feelings are, or this could be a major issue down the road, one that could very well cause a split up in your marriage no matter how much you're both madly in love with each other now. Love can easily give way to resentment if you both have extreme opposite views over a very important family matter. And the decision to have/not have kids is one of the most important decisions you'll have to make as husband and wife. I sincerely hope you both can come to some kind of mutual agreement as to having children and at what point in your lives to have them as a married couple.

    Oh, and one final thought. Don't ever automatically assume the other person will change their feelings in time, or that you can somehow change them. Yeah, sometimes people do change, but you have no assurances of that and chances are greater that they won't. That's why you need to talk important matters out before hand to reasonably know for sure.

    ~Pramrider

  3. #3

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    I'm kind of surprised that this is the first time it's come up in four years of a relationship, but whatever. Unless you are willing to rethink your position and be a person who never has kids, you need to find someone else. She is being very clear with you as to her feelings and intentions which is admirable. While she may change her mind in the future (as you may) I think you're just setting yourself and her up for potentially huge hassles and heartache in the future to assume that she'll come around. To proceed with her, you must be willing to happily accept that you may well never have children with her. If you can't do that, then you need to break it off.

  4. #4

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    You should talk seriously with her about having children someguy.

  5. #5

    Default

    thanks guys thats what i was thinking but but not looking forward to that. i really dont want to end things but then again i think i really want to be a dad. ahh life lol
    i apreciate the advice

  6. #6

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    This is one of those things that you'll have to accept that you should NOT hope her to change her mind. If you want her, you have to accept that you're almost certainly not having kids. While it's true she may change her mind, do NOT try to change her mind yourself...and certainly don't hold out hope that she will anyway. Think hard about how important she is vs how important kids are. If she's that great, I'd stay and forget the kids

    FWIW, I'm in the 'no kids' camp, but that's just me.

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by babymick21 View Post
    This is one of those things that you'll have to accept that you should NOT hope her to change her mind. If you want her, you have to accept that you're almost certainly not having kids. While it's true she may change her mind, do NOT try to change her mind yourself...and certainly don't hold out hope that she will anyway. Think hard about how important she is vs how important kids are. If she's that great, I'd stay and forget the kids

    FWIW, I'm in the 'no kids' camp, but that's just me.
    I'm with this guy completely. Seems like the best option.

    I'm never going to have kids. It seems like too much of a hassle, with the feeding and the screaming and the crying and the potty training and mehhhhhh I really don't want kids now. D:

    Unless science advances and we can adopt baby dinosaurs. Then I'll get one and raise him as my own.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by someguy View Post
    thanks guys thats what i was thinking but but not looking forward to that. i really dont want to end things but then again i think i really want to be a dad. ahh life lol
    i apreciate the advice
    it's not like you have to immediately dump her or anything. you should just accept that this probably isn't a person you're going to be with for the rest of your life. as others have said, you should be honest and talk to her about the fact that you see yourself having kids someday. when the time comes for the relationship to end, you'll probably know.

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