Today, has been the worst bout of depression i had ever had. IDK what happened, it was just a combo of expenses for the repairs on this car i am buying, my AP homework, the fact that I have no money, The feeling that I am alone, and just work in general came down onto me. I tried eating...I threw it back up. Food was tasteless. I literally collapsed onto the floor and couldn't make my brain move my legs to get be back up. I just thought "Why the fuck even bother, just die here"
More than once today I beat myself(a few punches to the head) to get me to remember stuff. I even whipped my arm with a belt.
I can't sleep and found myself crying for the last hour and can't even remember why.
I really don't think I have much time left... I HAVE TO see a doctor about this, I will find away before it is too late and I end up taking my life. It just seems like there is no way out of the hole that is filling in around me.