Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 26

Thread: Overcoming the self hate

  1. #1

    Default Overcoming the self hate

    As A DL Exiled into his own brain as a child, I lived in a state of paranoia about my ...fetish, lifestyle, freakish need. Depending on the mood I was in sometimes I saw myself as a monster and some days I just wanted to be in world that accepted me and my diapers.

    It took years ...oh wait I mean YEARS!!! of self study and experience before I had that moment of "Eureka, I am more than my diapers and I am cool with myself padded butt or no padded butt"

    I imagine now though that I had similar issues as many of you. For instance anyone every debate killing ones self, I did. Every considered burning all the diapers in efighy to god because diaper love was FOR THE DEVIL BOY! I'm evil cause if it. Or at least I thought at times in my youth that I was. I sometimes wondered if I would hurt kids beacuse of this twist. To date I have done nothing but help children in need ( Forgot to mention I am a paramedic with the local squad)

    SO no, not a pervert just a guy with a niffty set of ideas that differ from society.

    How about you, how did you overcome it and did you have any of the same experiences as me?

    This may be a good topic to let the shy know they are not alone.

  2. #2


    Before I was even aware of what infantilism was I couldn't help but feel like a freak. I had no idea that anyone else in the world shared these feelings and that led to depression. I would always say to myself, "I should just die because all I am is a perverted freak."

    After realizing I wasn't alone I began to feel better about the whole situation but still far from actually accepting it. I decided to sign up here and it has helped more than I could have imagined. It helped me realize the most important part about being an AB/DL, self acceptance.

    There are times that I still feel terrible, to say the least, about the whole 'thing' but I have also realized it's something that I don't want to give up.

  3. #3


    I've gone through all sorts of points where I've been accepting, hating, or just straight up confused about this part of me...

    I finally came to a full acceptance after I made a friend and exchanged phone numbers...we talked about it a lot...and together we helped eachother gradually come to the conclusion that it's just a part of who we are, and that even though it may be "different"...overall it was nothing to be ashamed of. ^_^

  4. #4


    My experience is similar to Sparky's in some ways and different in some ways. I don't think I've really had "self hate" or depression about being a *B, but I did use to feel like I was a freak for it.

    The biggest thing for me is realizing that there were others like me and also that it was just one part of me, something that truly is a part of me, not some weird activity that I chose to be a part of. It's tough for us when we're surrounded by people who don't understand makes us feel like there's something wrong with us and that people don't understand us or accept us 100% for who we are.

    But when we come to sites like this one, it lets us share our thoughts and feelings and realize that it's FINE to be a *B/DL and that there's nothing wrong with it. As long as we understand that it's just a part of who we are (hopefully not the ONLY part of who we are) it helps us to see that the only reason we feel bad about it is that most people don't understand it and would treat us differently because of it.

  5. #5


    It's all about acceptance. You need to come together and tell yourself that you are the way you are and that's how it is, and how it's supposed to be, that there's nothing wrong with yourself. Once you do that, you're free. Sure it could be hard at first, but really there's nothing wrong at all with what and who we are as Infantilists/Diaper Lovers.

  6. #6


    It's all about acceptance. You need to come together and tell yourself that you are the way you are and that's how it is, and how it's supposed to be, that there's nothing wrong with yourself. Once you do that, you're free. Sure it could be hard at first, but really there's nothing wrong at all with what and who we are as Infantilists/Diaper Lovers.

  7. #7


    this is a good topic and im still learnin to come to terms with myself and who i am but it does make me feel better knowin im not the only person whos got or has had conflicting emotions with being a tb and to answer ur question childish daze yes i have considered killin myself over bein a tb and almost on a daily basis i curse god for my life and i wonder if there really is anything wrong with me

    thank you for makin this topic childish daze and maybe we can pm sometime and thanks to everyone else for there posts as i dont feel so bad about myself after readin this

  8. #8


    I felt the same way as you when I was younger, and even wrote a long poem/rant about it when I was in college. I too felt like I was some sort of freak, but over the years I have grown to accept it. I realize that I'm a good person, and there could be far worse things to be "afflicted" with.

    As a side note, I noticed MM3 got a double post. I think I may have triple posted on another thread. There server is having problems tonight. It's not us......honestly!!!

  9. #9


    I'm guessing I sailed my own boat on this one, since my problem wasn't with liking diapers, I have always been 100% okay with that aspect, but rather for the longest time I just didn't admit it to myself that I did.

    I can see that's a pretty strange thing to say... I would be wearing diapers but at the time I didn't really bat an eyelid to the fact I was enjoying it. I wore them out of a weird attachment and I became comfortable with that, and I always sent the concept of liking them to the back of my mind. One day I was just sitting around and I decided to play around with the idea, running it through my head. Ended up just admitting to myself that I love wearing/using them. *shrugs*

    Since then I've had no problems with it whatsoever and I'm completely comfortable with it all.

  10. #10


    it's crazy how some people simply have no problem with the fact that they like diapers, and don't feel conflicted about it all. i definitely went through some serious shame, humilation, and, yes, self-hatred on account of being a DL. somehow it's immensely comforting to know that there are other people out there in the world who have dealt with the same feelings.

    i remember when i was a kid i wondered if everyone was turned on by diapers and just didn't tell anyone. it seemed like grown-ups kept so many secrets, especially about sex.

    when i got older i gradually came to the realization that i really was a total freak of nature, that nobody else felt the way i felt about diapers and that there was obviously something deeply profoundly wrong with me. i went through intense binge-purge cycles, made vows of celibacy and kept them for months at a time, and regularly threw out everything related to my TB-ism. when that obviously wasn't working i would try to limit myself as much as possible, rigidly scheduling the TB activities i allowed myself down to the absolute minimum. i was mortified that i did these things, that i had these feelings i couldn't control. i lived in terror that someone would someday learn my secret. i would never have dreamed of actually buying diapers.

    when i reached adulthood i started being a bit more easy-going about it. i bought depends for the first time when i was 22, and later started ordering abenas online. i also dared to google "diapers" and found that there were other people with the same fetish, but that most of them were really weird and some of them were total sickos.

    it wasn't until i joined this community, though, that i really started to accept myself. for the first time it occured to me that maybe you could have a diaper fetish and still be just a normal person. that concepts like "freak" and "pervert" didn't have to be a part of your identity. that you could live your life and do the things you enjoy and genuinely be who you are, and not feel like the face you showed to the world was just a mask with no purpose but to hide a horrible shameful secret. i still remember how overwhelmed with emotion i was when i learned that there were real people -- normal people -- who also liked diapers, who got embarrassed when they bought them from shops and wondered if people would notice if they wore them under their clothes. it was so overwhelming it scared me, and when i first joined TBDL i was really nervous and hesitant, wondering if i was worthy to be a part of this wonderful community of normal, non-freakish ABDLs.

    it makes me smile to read the stories of other people who have gone through similar things. we've really put outselves through the wringer, some of us ABDLs, and i think there are a lot of us who fully understand what self-loathing is and what it feels like. but we're also incredibly lucky that we live in the age of the internet, that this website exists, and that we've found one another in this community and can finally open up to one another about the things we've always had to keep secret.

Similar Threads

  1. Okay...I hate this guy.
    By Rheeer in forum Adult Babies & Littles
    Replies: 81
    Last Post: 11-Jul-2009, 18:25
  2. Don't ya hate it when..
    By kiwi-molicare in forum Diaper Talk
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 19-Mar-2009, 00:02
  3. I hate the flu
    By Little ollie in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 27-Feb-2009, 15:25

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  • - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.