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Thread: Just... (apathy crisis)

  1. #1

    Default Just... (apathy crisis)

    Right now I feel as if I am having my mid life crisis...I don't feel like doing anything, I should be doing some of my summer AP Homework my only thought to that is "Why bother"

    I have a website is development right now for Tropico 3 I set a deadline for it to be done next friday bottom line...it looks really shitty and I just don't have the will to go fix it I just feel like "Fuck it, it is shit"

    Same for people I talk to be it online or IR I feel irritable about talking to them for some reason and can think of no go topics to discuss.

    For the last 13 hours I have had more intense thoughts about suicide, like looking around my house and place of work thinking about all the possible ways to make it as bloody and horrific as possible.

    I am hungry and don't feel like making anything to eat b/c I don't see the point in it.


    What do you think could be causing me to think this way? PLEASE...no "stop bitching" responses, I only want constructive and helpful ones.

  2. #2

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    You going into your senior year of high school? I kinda felt the same way. Of course with me it was centered around the fact that I thought a really close friend had betrayed me, as it turned out he hadn't and it was a huge misunderstanding on my part, but I digress.

    The point is, at least for me, junior year of high school is nothing short of back breaking, and with senior year you've got that "so close yet so far" feelings. I was pretty damn apathetic through senior year, kinda threw grades aside and just hung with friends a lot more, partly because I knew I wouldn't be seeing a lot of them in college, and also because it just made things easier and more enjoyable the more time I spent with friends.

    I guess really the only thing you can do is ride it out. Try doing more things you enjoy whenever you get a chance to, and give new things a shot as well.

    17 can be a hard year, but it gets better.

  3. #3

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    IDK, it might be just thinking about college and my life ahead of me now, but what ever it is it makes me sad, angry, and depressed. I feel that if I don't the website in development and even make $10 off of it that it means I will fail at everything for the rest of my life.

    Where I work you can just see the failure and defeat these people suffered in their life, they are all barely keeping themselves alive on $200 a week. And I don't want to be like them! I want to be making $40,000 a week. For some reason I just feel that if i can't succede even a little right now, I will suck forever. And my brain is telling me if that is the case... "kill your self now you fucking piece of worthless shit"!

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by diaperedteenager View Post
    IDK, it might be just thinking about college and my life ahead of me now, but what ever it is it makes me sad, angry, and depressed. I feel that if I don't the website in development and even make $10 off of it that it means I will fail at everything for the rest of my life.

    Where I work you can just see the failure and defeat these people suffered in their life, they are all barely keeping themselves alive on $200 a week. And I don't want to be like them! I want to be making $40,000 a week. For some reason I just feel that if i can't succede even a little right now, I will suck forever. And my brain is telling me if that is the case... "kill your self now you fucking piece of worthless shit"!
    Ah. I hear ya man. I know that feeling. Whenever you put a lot of time and effort into something you really want to succeed, it sucks when it doesn't work out. But that's understandable, I mean you can't give 100% to EVERYTHING in life, ya know?

    But try and keep in mind that there are gonna be a million different chance to prove your worth in life, and just because this one doesn't work out (you never know, it might turn around on ya) doesn't mean there won't be another even bigger and better chance.

    I know it sounds like I'm just talking out of my ass here, but I hope anything I've said might have helped you out. Keep hanging on man.

  5. #5

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    Keep your head up, do your homework, work on your projects, get into a good university.

  6. #6

  7. #7

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    I know how you feel, I am kinda in a low point. I am not too well liked in the fandom and I just feel really lonely and I am restarting school which is scary. Also here is something to help you. Kick, scream, shout, and beat something to let an emotion out, ANY emotion out to clear your head
    Last edited by Res; 24-Aug-2009 at 05:25.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by diaperedteenager View Post
    For the last 13 hours I have had more intense thoughts about suicide, like looking around my house and place of work thinking about all the possible ways to make it as bloody and horrific as possible.
    I cannot emphasize this enough:

    GET PROFESSIONAL HELP.

    If you are, in fact, at the point where you are contemplating suicide, then you've well passed the point after which the best advice any of us can give you is to start talking with someone who is trained to help you with this. The sooner, the better.

    If what you are describing isn't depression, then I don't know what is. Depression is a mental health disease that many people go through at different times in their lives. People in the AB/DL community are particularly prone to it because they live under the weight of desires that the general public is ignorant and stupid about.

    I don't think you are "bitching" about this - I think you are trying to reach out to the world and try and find help, which is a step in the right direction. The next step is to reach out to someone who is trained to help you. Please, please, please, take the next step.

  9. #9

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    I can relate.
    The best cure I have for "teh emoz" -my friend. is go and find some other people, make them feel good about their lives. It will make you feel good about yours, like you have a purpose.
    Sneak out with them, sit under the stars in a field and talk, entertain them, tell stories.

    Your right, fuck work! Fuck the world and everyone in it! If they're not a friend, they're a nuscence. (In my opinion. (you're all friends, don't worry))

    Go fucking balistic, punch shit, curse, do whatever you need to relieve stress, just don't hurt anybody, or yourself, it's not worth either person's blood.

    But seriously, find someone to make happy or entertain, it always makes me happy.

  10. #10

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    I know how you feel. I don't have much new to tell you though. Getting help is probably a good idea. I would consider it myself, but I'm uninsured and can't really afford it (not to mention it is kinda embarrassing). I'm not really suicidal, but I've been feeling mostly crappy lately (with slight points of happiness). I just wish I could wake up one day and everything would be good. But no. It's like any road I follow will bring sadness of some sort.

    You really don't need to make millions to be happy, seriously. (assuming that's what you meant by "40k a week") You might be setting the bar too high. Not many people make that kind of money. If you make a decent amount of money and manage it well, then you won't have much to worry about. (at least I don't think you would) Just don't try to take on more than you can handle (like a huge 20 bedroom house you'll never pay off, extreme debt, and other such things) Besides, you're not even 18 yet. Don't worry about it too much, though you should think about it a bit.

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