Or rather, the lack thereof. Considering that my IRL self is not nearly as outgoing as my online self, I find myself in a predicament, if you would care to listen.
See, I was in a relationship with my friend, Rachel, right? It was a rough time for both of us, and soon the wonderment ended due to some issues on both our parts. Not relationship issues, oh no, personal issues. The idea was for us to take a break, get our heads straight before one of us, or both of us, ended up doing something foolhardy.
That's a good idea in any relationship. Now, several months have passed and Rachel and I are the closest of friends. The kind of friends that tell each other everything, hang out a whole bunch, bake cookies and do other fun things randomly, just for the sake of doing them together.
However, a foreseeable issue has come back into play. I find myself still to be in love with Rachel. I cannot seem to get her out of my head, good sir. It's a nice feeling, really, but it comes with its share of problems. And this situation has an even larger problem of its own.
Over the time of our separation, Rachel entered into a relationship with another friend, Kelsey. She and Kelsey have been together for a little while now, and things are going "Eh" with them. They've been having a little bit of a rocky session as of late, with Rachel hinting at a chance for them to break up.
Now, break up or not, I need to make a choice. I can't just sit around like a twatwad all day not saying anything, right? I don't want to just let things go by the wayside without making my feelings known. Thing is, I've got no idea how to go about doing that.
I may be getting some signals, I dunno. Whenever we hang out, there's a lot of touching that goes on. When we go for walks, we hold hands, when we watch a movie, we cuddle together, and sometimes we're spooning, taking naps even!
And on top of that she, like a friend should be, is very affectionate to me. Though it seems there may be even more to it than she lets on. She seems to enjoy being with me, alone, a lot. Usually she'll hang out with a group of friends, but whenever Rachel invites me over, she invites me over. Occasionally there's someone who tags along, but that is another story.
She doesn't seem to mind my subtle advances, such as essentially pinning her for say, 10 minutes while we were playing around. Though, I feel like she might be waiting for something. I don't know, my radars are rusty and out of tune, being single for so long.
On top of that, I think that she may already have an idea that I still like her. Whenever she asks me about relationship whatnot and twattery, I mention a "crush on 4 people, and in love with a special someone." Of course I refuse to tell her outright, but whenever it comes up she always says "Just tell me, what's the worst that could happen?" With emphasis in all the right places that insinuates the girl knows more than she's letting on.
Course of action, course of action, gotta get back on track... Well, you're the one who just read it, perhaps some counsel and advisory services may be called for? I'm unsure of what to do, getting mixed signals and all. Speak my mind outright, dropping of subtle hints, or simply bottling up my emotions?
You all carry with you much wisdom, perhaps you could offer some insight into my troubled adolescent life?