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Thread: How to Alienate People

  1. #1

    Default How to Alienate People

    Ever hear of Oblah? It's the latest and greatest of social networking sites. This is the premise: you chat to anonymous people around the world, mono a mono. You never know who you're going to end up with.

    Of course, when I discovered this I just knew I had to test out it's asshole potential. So I played a little game. It's called "Try to get the other person to disconnect from the chat as fast as possible". Sounds like fun, right? You betcha. And I have no moral obligations because I'm completely anonymous.

    So I went to and promptly started a conversation with my game in mind.

    Okay, okay, not bad for a first time. But I've gotta up the ante if I want to someday become a true internet asshole. I ran through a few prototype conversations. People here sure seemed to ask "ASL" a whole lot...

    I may have made him slightly uncomfortable, but the guy didn't disconnect with me. He apparently has something for big gay men. So that's one failure. I decided that to get ahead I would have to create a character. And by "create a character" I of course mean "blatantly rip off of JD Salinger".

    It wasn't working, (obviously because my chatting partner was a 43 year old virgin creepshow masquerading as a menstruating teenage girl who wanted to have sex with me), but I rolled with it.

    Then we learn at the end that 'she' hates peanutbutter. There's another point for me, but it took too long. I needed something faster.

    The ol' Frankie Mcourmet swindle - gets 'em every time. I tried for one more round, but it didn't work as well as I had hoped.

    I just couldn't lead this guy on no matter how hard I tried.

    Such a nice guy. You don't get many of these guys on the internet.

    I wanted to try something completely different. You know those internet bots you can talk to that make no sense? How would a person react if they didn't realize they were talking to one? I used ALICE for mine. I just copied everything they said to Alice, who gave me an answer.

    The guy talked to me for like an hour, without realising anything. I decided to end it myself because this guy was out-assholing me.

    So then I thought to myself, what could a bot say that would make someone run for the hills with their faces aghast with horror?
    And I recieved an answer...

    I win.
    Last edited by Chillhouse; 13-Aug-2009 at 02:54.

  2. #2


    Lol, that was great to read
    "Cut your head of with a toothbrush"? Wow... they stole a line from a flash game. Pathetic.

  3. #3


    You really wanna alienate them? Tell them you get off on diapers.

    Works 90% of the time.

  4. #4


    Haha wow, that was pretty epic. I might have to try this site out now.

  5. #5


    Chillhouse: What apps do those dock icons correspond to?

    Also, the joke would be on YOU if both sides of the conversation ran a screen-scraper that passed input to ALICE and vomited ALICE's output to screen. Hmmm... that'd be AWESOME, actually!

  6. #6

  7. #7


    Quote Originally Posted by Chillhouse View Post
    And I have no moral obligations because I'm completely anonymous.
    I know these chats are nothing important but I fundamentally disagree with your assertion.

  8. #8


    Had to try it myself: here's my fresh discussion.

    You: wassup?
    Person: nothing
    Person: wbu?
    You: same as you, maybe that's why im on this chat
    You: or maybe not
    Person: hmm.
    Person: i guess its full of ppl with nothing better to do
    You: true, but maybe this is better than something else i could be doing. but i suppose this is not the place to consider such a conundrum. so....
    Person: haha. what something else are you thinking of?
    You: hmmm. there are many nonconstructive things I could be doing. but more importantly; was my statement suggestive? if so, could i be typing with one hand and doing something suggestive with the other?
    Person: thats what my hand jumped to. see now you got me started. i meant thats what my HEAD jumped to
    You: exactly. its very easy to led your mind flow directly to the keyboard when you think you are being anonymous. that's the interesting thing about this (and other sites). but again, maybe i'm diving a little too deep. anyway, i could ask the usual three letter question.
    Your partner has disconnected from the chat.

    I guess I was more annoying than I thought I was. Oh well.

  9. #9


    I saw the title and thought "well shit, I know how to alienate people REAL good", then read the post and almost pissed myself laughing.

    Then I decided I had to get in on it, too. Here's my first attempt. I decided to go for the 'religious nutjob' route.

    As you can see, he quit before I managed to get in to the really offensive stuff. I think I'll have to start on that more quickly next time.

    We need to make this a game.

  10. #10


    Quote Originally Posted by h3g3l View Post
    Chillhouse: What apps do those dock icons correspond to?
    I'm running Ubuntu, and I use Avant Window Navagator for the icon dock.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wegs View Post
    Chillhouse, I'm pretty sure I just owned you.

    No. You have to do it in a morally ambiguous way.

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