i was told i have a year to live recently. They can't figure out what is wrong with my brain, but it just keeps getting worse with everyday that passes. They want me to shave my head and have surgery, which I would do, but it still doesn't seem like the surgery will do anything positive for me.
so i'm frustrated obviously, i dont want to die, but i am starting to accept it. which sucks, because i have recently noticed that im not mad that i'm dying but im mad that my death is going to hurt others. i would do anything to not let others get hurt, which is my biggest weakness if you want to call it that.
so me trying not to let others get hurt i've started to push people away very majorly, including this one guy i really love and have started seeing, he is also AB and we jsut have so much in common. but i dont want my death to let him hurt more. i care about him so much but he knows that i am dying so i can't help but wonder if he is
A) just sticking around because i am dying and he feels bad. or ...
B) he actually cares about me and has just forgotten the fact that im dying.
like he sits there and talks about the future and almost pretty much says im his soul mate, but i dont know if i can be all that for him, i mean i cant even be strong enough for myself to get through this surgery, i guess i just need some advice and i needed to rant. thanks for reading.