For lack of a better thread to put this post on I made one. Thank you. :-)
Oh boy -- after reading some of these posts I must admit I’m a bit scared and here’s why:
My boyfriend along with several other friends play WoW [World of Warcraft] and have been for 4+ years now. Getting bored of WoW we all decided we’d give Second Life a try after having heard a few good things about the game. After I d/l and installed the game and spending about 15 minutes there I decided Second Life was just not for me. In Second Life it appears that you have to get a ‘virtual’ job to buy player ‘crafted’ items. Having a real job, the idea of logging into a game to a virtual job did not appeal to me. I uninstalled as did several other of our friends and we went back to WoW. My boyfriend on the other hand -- now he was a different story.
We have been together for 3+ years now with plans to get married this December and have up to this point been most honest with each other keeping the lines of communication open.
To be honest I did not realize the extent of how much he liked the game [Second Life] until I checked his personal email which we do often. He checks mine I check his ---- it’s a trust issue with us as we both agreed to allow the other full access to each other’s email.
Well ---- I saw that he had several [8+] emails all from Second life. Apparently when and if you log out of the game and you had private messages from friends on your friend list the messages would be sent to your email. The messages were similar to this:
“awwww--- where did you go? Me miss you so much.’
“where are you? I NEED you?”
“kisses and huuuuuugggss”
Okay --- I admit when I saw those type messages in his emails I was floored. It also dawned on me the extent of time he spent played Second Life. Don’t get me wrong here. We don’t always have to play the same game. But we have both always agreed that trust is a major issue with us both.
He was at work at the time I saw these emails and needless to say I was quite upset. I started doing some research on Second Life and what I personally saw was not pretty. Any fetish out there could be fulfilled in this game by someone. I found that there was a ton of sexual activities as well as socialization etc. I wasn’t so worried about the game itself as I was about the messages sent. I do know that if and when he logged into my games [We share our passwords with each other] and if someone he did not know sent me a ‘Hug’ or whatever he [boyfriend] would tell me that makes him feel ‘uncomfortable’ so playful flirting was not acceptable with either of us.
Long story short he played the game for 6 days until, with his permission, I cancelled the account and uninstalled the game. After sharing with him my research he totally agreed with me and said that I was more important to him any day than any game by all means uninstall.
Okay --- here is where it all gets either bizarre or very interesting. Sorry for taking the long route but I needed to backtrack as to how this all came about.
Having a psychology degree from a major university I talked to him about the game trying to figure out what it was that made him deny playing it [He had previously told me he uninstalled it]. My concern was that perhaps he was insecure and maybe the game was filling some sort of ‘void.’ Like I stated previously trust is a major issue with the both of us and he had been straight up lying to me for 6 days about the game.
Yesterday was the day I uninstalled the game and afterwards we talked. He asked me something once a long time ago about how would I feel if I found out I had a friend who loved to wear diapers. I told him straight up that day that I didn’t think I could no longer be friends with that person as the fetish seemed a bit odd. I have studied Fetishism and it is classified as a disorder. I also told him I had to wonder what kind of pain one had to have suffered in one’s lifetime [at some point] to develop such disorder. To even think another experienced severe emotional pain just literally kills me inside. Off subject here for a second: My mom states I will never make it as a Psychologist because I care too much. She is right. Back to subject: Well ----- when he reminded me of the conversation he told me that ‘friend’ he was speaking of that day was him. He told me that he loves to wear diapers. If you could have seen his face yesterday, you the reader with me would see how hard it was for him to tell me. He stated that he never could find the ‘balls’ to tell me because he tried once and he was so sure as well as scared that I’d leave him. He also stated that he was willing to give up his ‘fetish’ and live without it for me. Funny thing is when he finally told me it really didn’t surprise me given his back ground with his relationship with his mother. He was an adopted child and never felt like he belonged anywhere. He has always told me that when he found me he found a reason to live etc and that I was his ‘savior.’
Long story short again I told him that him loving to‘wear diapers’ was ‘workable’ and would be no problem though it would be something I would have to get used to. Here, it gets a bit more bizarre. Since he sees that I have taken this secret well he tells me that he also likes enemas as well. He stated that wearing diapers along with the enema thingy gets him an erection like none other. He did state these 2 fetishes along with me were like ‘Pumpkin Pie’ with me being the pie and the fetishes being the icing on the cake per say scenario. He also told me how ‘relieved he was’ and how much he loved me as he was just sure I would leave him after telling me. I assured him I would not leave him as we are ‘for better or worse.’ He stated that though he did not participate in ‘virtual sex’ the game did allow him access with other diaper lovers. I told him straight up if he ever went to Second Life again I’d leave him. As harsh as that seems I have me to think about as well as my feelings and be it be ‘virtual sex’ that is a form of cheating in both our books. He agreed.
Okay so having accepted his fetishes I’m having some things going on with me. I told him that though I accept his fetishes I just wasn’t quite sure how or what to do as I have studied this a lot but never really knew anyone who had a real per say fetish. He [boyfriend] has not 1 but 2.
So now I’m basically struggling. We never had any issues before within our current sex life and it’s all been good but I’m struggling. I’m concerned for when we have children. I don’t want him sitting around in diapers to the extent the children see him. That is when we have them. I’m struggling that he may be get erections due to diapers and not me. I mean I feel like I’m competing with a friggin diaper now. I’m also struggling with the personal emotional issues he has had in his past and will those issues manifest later? My concern isn’t so much I suppose the diaper thing ---- that’s workable as well as the enema thingy I guess -- I guess my real concern is what happened that got him to this point of his fetishes and could the fetishes become a problem in later life keeping into consideration his past emotional problems.
I’m so sorry to have ‘long-winded’ this. But I found this forum and decided to take the chance. Perhaps someone could shed some light so I can now begin to feel better. I can’t tell him I feel bad because I know how hard it was for him to tell me. But I have feelings and concerns as well.
One last thing: Though fetishes are considered a disorder I would never even hint at any fetish being a mental disorder. Each case is unique as well as we are all individual. As long as any fetish does not harm that one or any other then there is no problem. I’m certainly not here to talk down to those with fetishes. As I stated we are all unique and if everyone were like me then life would be rather boring. I did have to reevaluate myself when I told my boyfriend when he tried to tell me before about his fetish and I told him it was ‘odd.’ Having since reconsidered I have learned something about myself and yeah --- I did the unthinkable I thought I’d never do. I discriminated about AB/DL and that was wrong of me to not take their feelings and uniqueness into consideration. But as I stated I have feelings and concerns as well.