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Thread: Friends who have a real baby

  1. #1

    Default Friends who have a real baby

    When your friends have a baby, do you have a hard time accepting that their attention will be taken away from you and given to a real baby, even though you never acted like a baby around them nor would you want to. I would never want to detract parental attention from a real infant, obviously, but when they talk about nappy changing etc, I feel really bitter to be stuck still changing my own. It's hard to describe why I feel like that. I sure don't mean any offence, I'm generally a kind-natured person, I just have a hard time adapting to the changed role of a friend especially as it touches some raw unresolved emotive elements of who I am, or currently am. I know I don't have to use nappies myself, but this would only serve to suppress the issue, rather than resolve anything. Anyone relate? Has anyone else felt unwanted negative feelings at their friends' happy news?

    I will add that I have been able to speak openly and honestly with this friend, who knows I use nappies for emotional reasons and who has accepted my feelings and helped me understand them, without taking any offence. What a friend!

  2. #2


    I can see where you're coming from and how that would be hard for you. But they're still your friends, they just have less time, atleast soon it should get better.

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  4. #4


    I love my friends kids! They are perfect, because I love children and most love me; however, I am not really at a point in my life where I am emotionally or financially ready to have my own. This way I get to have all the fun and play time, but if they start screaming or stinking I get to hand them back and say "Its your kid, you fix it!"

  5. #5


    I have a few friends with kids and I haven't felt this. I do get jealous sometimes, when I hear parents talking about their kids. Like at work, I have quite a few co-workers who have kids my age... and when they talk about the things they do for them, and what a great relationship they have with their kids (especially the fathers and daughters) I do get jealous, because I never had that.

  6. #6


    Thanks for your posts on this. The conflicting thing is, much like bobbyjeff, I like kids. I enjoy playing (for a while!) and I love the crazy questions and comments they make, and all the life and laughter they bring. Kids tend to like me too and I've got quite a natural maternal side.

    But, I have this part of me that is jammed stuck as a toddler and won't budge. It's hard work. This side of me just can't respond to adult reason and I keep it comforted through means that really would have calmed me as a real toddler. (Rocking, paci, toys, familiar smells, curling up in bed etc). If I ignore it, the adult that I am gets pulled down into depression. I might be making myself sound mad but really I am a very intelligent, decent and sensible person.

    So, much like Cupcake describes, I feel some jealousy when I know parents (especially Dads) who have great relationships with their kids, only unlike Cupcake, I guess my jealously is with parents who are great with their toddlers and young children. My Dad was present through-out my childhood, but was a bit neglectful and really wasn't very clued into my needs.

    Also, I rely on other people more than most 23-year-olds might. I find everyday life overwhelming, as many people do, and I would crash and cease to function without friends and family. So when a friend who has been so caring and helpful to me then has a baby, I feel a bit lost.

    I think this is an ok way to describe things, but it is not as simple as this and it could easily be misunderstood. Anyway, this is a forum, not a group therapy session! So I will hold back. I have a pretty good idea of why I feel like I do, but yeah, it's really cool to see whether other people have these feelings too and how I am alike and different to other people in that way.

  7. #7


    I know this is off sided, but could you be jealous because you want a child of your own?

    My daughter has an 18 month old, and when we visit, I have fun with him. The thing that is most interesting for me is, that since my wife "knows", she relies on my taste to pick out clothes for him. When we go into the stores to buy both clothes and toys, I get somewhat turned on by all the wonderful toddler clothes. I've said to my wife, why don't they make clothes like that for adults, at least in some sort of modified form. Why must we abandon our "child" self?

    That said, I can understand your feeling down. Yes, we are in their presence of toddlerhood, along with their wonderful clothes and cuteness. I too enjoy getting on the floor and playing with the toys we bought him, keeping him involved. Then we go home, and our rooms are empty and quiet. I miss him, and I miss the company of my daughter and son in law. I guess it's part of being human. At least know that I understand.

  8. #8


    Thanks dogboy. Appreciated

    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    I know this is off sided, but could you be jealous because you want a child of your own?...
    That has crossed my mind a few times. My fiance and I do plan to get married and one day, after several years, have children. Naturally, I want to make sure I am emotionally steady, resolved and strong enough to handle the bombardment of life-changing events parenthood would bring.

    And here lies another part of the conflict. Part of me is naturally gearing up for future parenthood, while the other side hasn't let it's own childhood go. I am a little jealous of my child-rearing friends, perhaps because there is now another layer of adulthood between me and my peers, as though my AB-type tendancies weren't enough!

    One day, I may very likely join their ranks, however, I have to think carefully about how I would feel to see my (by that time) husband tending to a baby and being the great Dad I wish I'd had. The adult side of me would melt with happiness and love for the child. The toddler side of me might feel jealous of my own child. I guess I resent this too when I see friends without this obstacle.

    I guess part of the issue here is very typical to a 23-year-old. But maybe a few complications come about when you throw a few AB tendencies into the mix.

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