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Thread: Why does blunt automatically equal rude?

  1. #11

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    It is true that in a text format the vast majority of sub-channel and side-channel communication is lost - but not all of it. Word choice, rhetorical structures, even formatting, are also nonverbal aspects of communication. Another factor that seems to often get little attention in these discussions is a foundational principle of communication: the message I send isn't the exact message you receive. Shortest version: no one has identical filters and biases. The longer version just expands on what, precisely, those filters and biases are and points out that feedback and attention to that feedback are critical to minimizing loss of information during exchanges.

    tldr; blunt can be rude, depending on the person; text strips out most of the nonverbal parts of communication

  2. #12

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    Quote Originally Posted by BurgundyRose View Post
    The difference is that the second one isn't sugar coated. Its not prettied up to sound nice, but its not in the realm of "stupidly brutal" yet either. A "stupidly brutal" way of saying it would be more along the lines of "That dog looks ridiculous with how big you drew its eyes." or "The eyes don't even fit on its face. It looks stupid." or "I'd get a refund on those drawing lessons if I were you." or "Seriously? Have you never seen a dog before?"
    Slomo is right, there is no tone in text. People may perceive a tone because of word usage and placement in the sentence and their own biases and present emotional state, but there is not actually any tone there. Different people will perceive the words differently and the only person that will ever know what tone there was meant to be is the person typing, unless they tell somebody what tone the words should have. Assuming they don't though, people or going to assume what ever tone they want whether its the right one or not.
    Thank you. Yeah, that example Azi gave didn't come across for any worse of a "tone" for either of them. Though yes, the second one was more blunt it certainly wasn't an attack.

  3. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slomo View Post
    Thank you. Yeah, that example Azi gave didn't come across for any worse of a "tone" for either of them. Though yes, the second one was more blunt it certainly wasn't an attack.
    I'm going to start off by apologizing for writing this while I'm in ill health today, as their might be more grammatical errors in the post than normal.

    Yeah, my second statement was really intended to be subtly less tactful than the previous, but more specifically completely blunt while not quite being inflammatory. Tack on one word, and the tone, such as n00b at the end, and certainly it becomes an attack, and the more inflammatory way of being blunt.

    However, what is really perplexing me the most is how people are claiming there is no such thing as tone in written discourse. The Federalist Papers come to mind quickly when I think about this topic, as many of the essays are designed to convey and illicit emotional response based on the political atmosphere of the time. Other than that, look at any good fiction writer, as they know how to charge their words with emotion to set the tone of each scene.

  4. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by Azie
    I'm going to start off by apologizing for writing this while I'm in ill health today, as their might be more grammatical errors in the post than normal.

    Yeah, my second statement was really intended to be subtly less tactful than the previous, but more specifically completely blunt while not quite being inflammatory. Tack on one word, and the tone, such as n00b at the end, and certainly it becomes an attack, and the more inflammatory way of being blunt.

    However, what is really perplexing me the most is how people are claiming there is no such thing as tone in written discourse. The Federalist Papers come to mind quickly when I think about this topic, as many of the essays are designed to convey and illicit emotional response based on the political atmosphere of the time. Other than that, look at any good fiction writer, as they know how to charge their words with emotion to set the tone of each scene.
    I'm no stranger to writing fiction or persuasive essays. I write a lot of fiction with people telling me all the time that certain scenes gave them chills or made them cry and I have always been at the top of my class when it comes to writing persuasive essays. Regardless, it still comes down to the individual, not the text. The text has no tone. Any perceived "tone" is placed there by the individual's bias. If a person isn't saddened by death then regardless of how tragic a character's death is written that person won't perceive a sad "tone". If a person is scared of dogs then reading a well written happy reunion between a boy and his dog won't be perceived in a happy "tone". The words don't actually have a tone.

  5. #15

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    I'll be blunt, the reason why being blunt most often comes across as being rude is that someone wants to tell you either a fact or opinion that you may not find appealing. This generally leads to the person being told "I'll be blunt" getting upset. Now some people misuse the word Blunt to cover up being insulting, this makes other people who are trying to be sincere look bad, see: "Does this dress make me look bad? Be Honest" "Well. . . I mean. . . It's not- I'll be blunt. . . it makes you look fat." In this instance the person asked you to be honest, and if it made them look fat, thats honest, but you know person 1 is going to get upset at that. Thats a bit of a poor example, but you get the idea.

  6. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by Azie View Post
    I'm going to start off by apologizing for writing this while I'm in ill health today, as their might be more grammatical errors in the post than normal.

    Yeah, my second statement was really intended to be subtly less tactful than the previous, but more specifically completely blunt while not quite being inflammatory. Tack on one word, and the tone, such as n00b at the end, and certainly it becomes an attack, and the more inflammatory way of being blunt.

    However, what is really perplexing me the most is how people are claiming there is no such thing as tone in written discourse. The Federalist Papers come to mind quickly when I think about this topic, as many of the essays are designed to convey and illicit emotional response based on the political atmosphere of the time. Other than that, look at any good fiction writer, as they know how to charge their words with emotion to set the tone of each scene.
    That's just it though, any good writer is going to describe the tone, feelings, or emotions of a character. It's never inferred or assumed.

  7. #17

    Default Textaholics

    I have a degree in English Linguistics. Linguistics comes from Lingua meaning tongue. Linguistics is the study of how peoples' language, speach and communication. I am not an expert on textology. In fact I do not like it. Ever since the cellular phone came out I was annoyed by it.
    Actually, I don't dislike texting. It is what the culture and people have done with it.
    Here are examples:
    1. On a recent trip to visit to my nieces' one texted me a long caring message followed by {Hug} and :-x. It was the actual emojis. Normally, I would have thought this cute and loving. But she was standing right next to me!
    I said nothing and bit lingua mea.

    2. Back ground is needed for this. My phone is set to do nothing when I receive a text. No beeps, lights, buzzes, or little pictures, numbers or icons appear when I receive a text.
    My girlfriend (I know I don't believe I have one also sometimes LOL) Sent me a series of texts asking me to pick-up stuff and run general errands while I was off and she was working.
    I performed all the tasks and continued with my day off.
    She came home in a huff and asked me why I didn't do what she asked? I explained I did, and showed her the miscellaneous food and other stuff was taken care of.
    Still in a huff she asked why I didn't text her back?
    I explained she never asked.
    She said she did and I should look at my phone.
    I did and the last text said "Why didn't you text me back"
    This was sent about ten minutes before she arrived home. She has a twenty minute commute, but that's another rant.

    3. LAST ON THIS POST IS THE USE OF WORDS AND PUNCTUATION V.S. ACRONYMS, AND CUTE LITTLE PICTURES (EMOJIS).No I was not yelling my caps lock got stuck :-D
    If I was yelling I would have put an exclamation point at the end. That's the thing that looks like an upside down lowercase I
    I don't know who invented all the symbols used in texting and other communication. (1917) Lord Fisher in a letter to Winston Churchill is credited with being the first to use OMG. When people say OMG ore even Oh my god! around me i feel nauseous.
    Punctuation and words when used correctly can display a huge range of emotion. XOXO ILY LOL Mick.
    Last edited by Mickeymic; 4 Days Ago at 01:28. Reason: Proof reading

  8. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by WoodlandWanderer View Post
    My second theory is that we have a large section of members on the autistic spectrum - several of them longstanding members. One of the effects of autism is a tendancy to skip a lot of the social niceties and be quite blunt wherer others may have tried to alter their words to tread more softly..
    I can relate to that, I've always been a bit toward that end of things and find it hard to NOT be bluntly honest with people about things.

    You ask a question, you get an honest answer, why would that be offensive unless someone calls you names? Some forums etc. seem to just work OK like that and others are either a bit sensitive or full of bullshit & "banter".

  9. #19

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    To be fair, most people's handling of the English language is rather poor at best and modern education has not improved it, rather it has made it worse. It takes a reasonable level of skill to communicate clearly and precisely using the written word. It is why there are still professional writers using their skills and education to pass on a message. That is the first part of the problem, which can be improved by care and time taken when crafting posts and responses. The second problem however, is more problematic - thin-skinned, opinionated and ignorant people.

    A new development in the 21st century has been the creation of a new breed of people who are almost permanently offended on pretty much everything. You seem them on forums (fora!) all the time, where they weigh in with angry and often vile responses to the most innocuous of posts. It is virtually impossible to discuss anything with them unless you are 100% in agreement with them - and I do mean 100%, not 95%. That is bad enough, but they also seem to be the kinds of people who lack the ability to fully understand the content and context of posts. So yes, they get offended by anything blunt or not in line with their thinking. I particularly despise those who abuse the writers of books and have as yet, not read a single word of said book. That is not new. Harry Potter originally brought masses of criticism and yes, it was all entirely unfounded by people who literally had not read the books.

    Some people simply need to 'grow a set' and stop being violently offended by everything they read that they don't agree with, especially when they know very little about the topic. No offence to the younger people on here, but if you are 20yo, you might want to consider that someone with 40 years of experience in a particular industry or simple life experience, might know something you don't. I wrote a book recently and yes, I have received more than my fair share of criticism for it - naturally by people who hadn't read it. I was abused for the mere use of the words 'growing up as an Adult Baby', because to these ignorant morons, that implied referencing the evil of 'childhood' which no one ever seems able to mention anymore.

    Also, irony and satire are difficult to do for any writer, never mind in the limited platform of a forum. If you were to try using satire, you can guarantee you will be misunderstood and abused.

    There was a time when reading, writing and understanding same, was valued and taught. There was also a time when people had the ability to disagree without being rude, ignorant and abusive. Sadly it seems, both eras are in danger of slipping away.

  10. #20

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    My favourite example is Gordon Ramsey - he's blunt AND rude AND can be a total arsehole to those who don't step up - but you better believe he really CARES passionately about saving your restaurant/hotel and wants you to learn and succeed so damn much.

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