Mary and the Peanut Butter Sandwich
I am Shawn. I met Mary when I was 4 back in 1970. She was four also. And, this is our story.
Chapter 1: Karen
When I was two, my parents and me were in a car crash, and I was the only survivor. I suffered a concussion and was knocked out for three days. I was in the hospital when I woke up and didn’t remember anything about the crash. I asked about my mommy and daddy. All I was told was not to worry and get better.
This didn’t help. I constantly worried about my parents and had nightmares.
Though I was trained not to poop my pants, nurses made me stay in a wheelchair or bed what wearing diapers.
The nurses said all I had to do was ask and they would help me sit on the potty while I pooped. I didn’t mind asking during the day, but nights after bedtime I didn’t want to disturb them.
I didn’t mind wetting my diapers, but poop was smelly and nasty. I tried to hold it for a whole night, but I got clogged up, so a nurse gave me an enema in the empty bathtub. It hurt when I gushed out my tiny butt and all over the tub and my legs. That hurt and was an even bigger mess. A couple of nights later I tried to get out of bed to go poop in the toilet. I got dizzy, fell down, and pooped my diapers right on the floor before a nurse could get to me. I didn’t think I’d try that again.
The nurses were always nice and seemed happy to change my smelly diapers. I did like the attention.
I’m not sure how long I was in the hospital (maybe about a week more) Hospital (maybe about a week more) before a Priest and a lady came in the room. I knew there was something wrong because we never went to church except Christmas, Easter, and my Granny’s funeral. And, the lady wasn’t dressed like a nurse. She told me my parents died in the crash and some other stuff, but I was crying to loud to understand. The priest said some kind of prayer, rubbed oily stuff on my head, walked out mumbling and rubbing his rosary. All the nurses came in hugged me saying stuff like how sorry they were and everything will be all right. At the time I thought they were wrong. But, things did get better.
The next day one of the nurses came in, told me her name was Karen, and she would be my special nurse. Then she got me cleaned up in a fresh diaper, dressed in my nice clothes, get into my wheelchair, and took me downstairs to a really big car. It was the first time I had been outside since the crash. I kinda knew where we were going, where we were going, but didn’t want to ask.
I was enjoying the ride when we got to the church. That’s when I started crying knowing we were going to my parents’ funeral. Karen took my hand and hugged me close like Mommy did when we were in a crowded place and wheeled me to the front. She didn’t let go of me the whole time and my crying was reduced to a sniffle except when we had to go up and look at Mommy and Daddy. Karen helped me out of my wheelchair and held me up as we walked up. I finally collapsed crying out,” No! No! I want my Mommy!”
Karen sat on the floor next to me hugging and reassuring me.
Then I wet my diaper and fell asleep sobbing in her arms right there in front of Jesus and everybody. Literally, Jesus was right there hanging on the cross in front of us.
Mary, our daughter, grandson, and I still giggle when I tell this part of our story. Next, I remember waking driving thru the cemetery in a fresh diaper lying in Karen’s lap.
The burial and reception wasn’t as bad as the mass. I did cry a few times, and did wet before getting back in the car on the way to the reception. I didn’t say anything and planned to stay wet until after the reception. But when I realized the reception was at my house, I got so excited I jumped out of the car before Karen could catch me. I fell right on my face, pooped and peed. I wasn’t hurt; the grass was soft. Karen helped me up to my chair, noticing I had leaked into my pants said, “Let’s get you cleaned up before your guests arrive.”
The fact she had a key didn’t surprise me. It just seemed natural, like she always had one. After managing to get me thru the door, she asked me where my room was?
I told her upstairs.
Then she asked if there was someplace downstairs we could get cleaned up?
Noticing her pretty white nurses outfit was dirty from sitting on the church floor with me. I said my parents’ room. I directed her and we got there with a few bumps down hall and doorways not meant for wheelchairs. Once there she got undressed.
This surprised me. I was blushing and averting my stare she was so beautiful. She noticed and asked why I was embarrassed.
Shyly, I explained I had never seen lady besides my mom naked before. Though I didn’t say any thing. Karen had no hair on her pee-pee down there. Mommy was very hairy there, and I thought the hair hid hers. “If I had that much hair mine would be hidden too.” I thought, but all I said it was “so beautiful.” She just rubbed my hair, said thanks, and kissed me on the cheek.
Conversation:
She just continued what she was doing and made me a peanut butter sandwich.
While she helped me get my clothes, diaper off and cleaned my bottom we had a conversation.
She asked me what my favorite color, food, hobbies, and stuff like that.
Green, pizza, fishing, and coloring were mine.
Hers were green like my eyes, lasagna, swimming, and shopping.
I started to become used to seeing her naked, but I still think she was the most beautiful lady I had seen until then. Except mommy, but she was beautiful in a mommy way. We took a bath together in my parents tub. She scrubbed me real clean, and I helped wash her back. I never washed anyone’s back before. I had put lotion on Mommy’s back at the beach before, and it’s a lot like that. Then we made bubbles and had a splash fight till the doorbell rang.

Reception:
Karen jumped up yelling “OH SHIT!” ran out of the bathroom and almost slipped.
I was giggling.
Turning back, she told me to stay put until she got back. Then closed the door.
I heard some rummaging then the doorbell again. I heard voices then the front door close. The creaky stairs up and down; then Karen came back in dressed in a pretty black dress with a rose on the collar.
She got me out of the tub dried me off and helped me to the bed. While she was diapering me I noticed that these weren’t the stiff scratchy hospital diapers, but my soft Winnie the Pooh diapers. Karen also got a matching cover so I wouldn’t have to worry about leaks. She had a pair of jeans and matching polo shirt also. I was able to sit up with her help and put on my own sneakers, but Karen had to tie them. I hadn’t learned yet.
She helped me back in my chair. I was exhausted from just walking to and from the bathroom.
Karen said “Time to meet your guests.” Before I could object she wheeled me into the living room where a bunch of grown-ups were eating tiny sandwiches, smoking, talking, and drinking.

A bunch of people came up to me saying stuff like, sorry for your loss. A few old ladies wearing too much make-up and lipstick came up and kissed me on the cheek. They all stunk like booze and cigarettes. Just when I thought I would cigarettes. Just when I thought I would puke, I dozed off.
I woke in my parents’ bed screaming from a nightmare. Karen was in before I was all the way awake, holding me and singing “Hush Little Baby Don’t You Cry” replacing Mommy with Karen. After I calmed down, Karen asked what I wanted for dinner?
“Pizza!” I exclaimed.
I heard her talking on the phone. Then she came back asked if I was wet.
“Yeah,” I said, “but I can wait.”
We ate pizza. In front of the T.V. Karen put me in a fresh diaper because I peed again during dinner, then she asked where my pajamas were.
“I just sleep in my diapies.” I answered.
“O.K.” she got undressed right in the living room, put her clothes in the laundry room, and came back still naked.
Sat down next to me and put her arm around me and asked if I was still embarrassed seeing her naked.
“Kinda, but it awight,” I laid down in her lap and fell fast asleep thinking how good she smelled. That morning I woke up in my parents’ bed again smelling bacon and other good stuff coming from the kitchen. I had to poop badly and couldn’t hold it any more I tried to get out of bed, but every time I sat up I got dizzy, so I had no choice. I called out to Karen and was already pooping my diaper when she walked in nothing but a t-shirt. I started crying. Karen lovingly asked, “AWW, honey what’s wrong?”
“Too late. I go poopies now!”
She checked my diaper while I was still pooping, said, “Don’t worry my special patient. You finish poopies and I’ll be right back.”
Just as I finished Karen came back and cleaned me up. Instead of putting on a fresh diaper, she asked if I could last thru breakfast.
“I fink so.”
She helped me in my chair and wheeled me to the kitchen table. I had never eaten at the table without my highchair or naked before.
I couldn’t reach the table. “It too tawl I want my chair.” I complained pointing to my highchair.
Karen calmly explained, “Honey, the doctor doesn’t want you in high places until you get your balance back.”
I pouted until Karen fed me strawberry waffles with bacon. Before long I started peeing. I didn’t notice until it ran down my butt crack.
Karen noticed and without a word put a dishcloth in my lap, and kept feeding me while I peed. It actually felt good being fed and peeing at the same time.
After breakfast we took a bath together like before, only this time Karen stayed naked after. She dried off my chair and put a towel on it and wheeled me out to the backyard yard where we had a big pool with a little fence around it to keep me out when grown-ups weren’t there. Our yard had a tall fence nobody could see over, so being naked wasn’t a problem.
Though, I didn’t care who saw me naked. I have been naked at the beach before, and nobody seemed to notice.
Karen helped me into the pool then took my hands a told me to kick because it was part of my therapy.
“I swimming awedy.” I said. “OK, show me.” She replied.
I doggie paddled for about ten seconds then grabbed her exhausted. She took me to sit on the steps and sternly told me, “Never leave the stairs unless I am right beside you! And! Never ever, ever, ever, go past the pool fence unless I am in the pool too! Please Promise?”
“I pwomis.”
I watched her swimming for a while day dreaming about being a sailor lost at sea, and she was a beautiful mermaid coming to rescue me.
We got out of the pool, and with her helping me we got to the pool chairs. She dried me off, and I helped dry her back and was a little shy drying her buttocks. I think that’s where I got my appreciation for pretty hineys. It wasn’t sexual I just like to look at pretty butts on both girls and boys. I seem to be getting ahead of myself.
Back to the story.
She went in got me lemonade in my sippy cup. She was drinking iced tea in a grown up glass. We spread lotion all over each other giggling and tickling. I peed almost immediately. She started laughing harder and saying stop. I knew she didn’t want to stop because if I slowed my tickling she tickled me harder and made me pee more. So, I tickled her back harder. Then she peed and pulled my hands away still peeing. I had never seen a girl pee.
Karen didn’t seem embarrassed, nor did she want to stop. She just sat there peeing. Then with a sigh she laid back in her chair and looked at me.
I wasn’t embarrassed either. I was amazed, not that she was peeing; I always peed when tickled. I didn’t know exactly where it was coming from but somewhere in the gap between her legs.
Karen said, “It’s not nice to stare!”
Now, I was embarrassed and scolded. I turned away sniffling. Karen hugged me close and said, “Don’t be embarrassed.
She laid back again. “There are many things about girls you don’t know.” For now I will answer three questions a day and answer as best as I can. I usually asked only three. If I tried to ask four, Karen would say, “That’s four if you remember tomorrow I’ll answer it.” Sometimes, if I asked three in the morning and one at night I got an answer but not often.
First, I asked why she had no hair down there like mommy.
She said, it’s just the way she liked it. She also said she used to use a cream to remove her hair that she was supposed to leave on for only 15 minutes and it washed right off. One day she fell asleep while waiting for the 15 minutes and wound up burning herself severely. And, it just never grew back.
I said frankly as a child does, “I fink it’s berry pwetty.”
She smiled and gave me a big hug, and kissed me on the cheek and said, “I love you my special patient.”
Tears came down my cheeks, but I wasn’t sad. I was happier than I had ever been before, nor had I ever felt so loved. Sure my parents loved me, but they had to. And as the years faded they became a distant fond memory.
“Special patient” would later become Patty. Only she, I and later Mary would know what that meant. If friends asked I just told them it was a special name only Karen could call me. I was teased about it sometimes early in my school years but after a few fights (some I lost most I won) kids decided it wasn’t worth the trouble and let it go. Again, I’m getting ahead of myself.
I leaned back in my pool chair holding Karen’s hand looking at the shapes in the clouds.
“If you awway nakie why you have a shirt dis mernin?”
“Honey, never fry bacon naked is probably one of the most important things I can teach you,” was all she said.
I didn’t understand it at the time, but later in life I would find out why, also the rule about not leaving hair removal cream on for too long. That’s also why I'm hairless down there.
I liked lying there, holding Karen’s holding hand. I felt safe.
“Where your pee comes from?”
“Girls pee same as boys only ours is smaller and hidden inside.”
For some reason that made since to me.
After that every time we were in the back if we had to pee, we just went wherever we were.
Karen never pooped outside. She would go in. I tried not to poop outside either but sometimes I couldn’t hold it. Karen never minded cleaning me up with the garden hose.
Then we played more.
We stayed by the pool till lunch, played games inside, ate dinner, took a bath together, and went to bed.
Laying in bed, me in just my diapies and Karen nakie, she said, “I love you my lil’ Patty.”
“I lub you my special Kawen.” I replied.
I fell to sleep dreaming of the wonderful day we had.
That’s the way it went except all summer the occasional “play date.” That’s what they call them now; back then we called them visits. Pool, playing outside and inside games Karen always holding me close to her naked body until I fell asleep was our usual routine. Sometimes about 5 or 3 three days a month she would wear just panties to bed. I never asked why, nor did I care. I found out soon enough. And, if you don’t know why perhaps you’re too young to hear this story. Sure, I had the occasional temper tantrum and argument with Karen, but she always won, but I still tried.
I got better, was able to walk again, I could even swim normal like Karen but not as far. She let me stay in the little end and taught me how to pull along the side to the stairs when I was tired. And, most important I could sit on the potty alone. Karen got a little one put next to the big one that fit my little butt just right. I didn’t poop my diapers any more though I didn’t bother the potty to pee; I just wet my diapies or peed outside because I was already naked. Except once, I thought I was just a fart. We laughed about that. Every time we or someone farted. It was our little joke till I told Mary years later.
Chapter 2: Shopping
When Karen would take me shopping she dressed in a long loose shirt and pretty shirt with flowers on them. We would buy Shoes and clothes at the department store, food toiletries and diapers for me at the grocery store. Sometimes we would shop by the Ice cream shop on the way home (never on the way out). I always had to poop after ice cream.
Once a week we went to a store with lots of medical equipment like they had at the hospital. I thought she was buying stuff for me when I was still in my wheelchair, but after I could walk again we still stopped at that store.
I wondered why and one day I asked why we still stopped there? I hadn't asked my three questions yet, so when Karen said its personal I wondered why?
I persisted and asked her the next time we went to that store. When we got home, she seemed upset so I hugged her. I said, “Why my Kawwen so sad?”
She pulled up her skirt an was wearing diapers just like me except they were plain no Winnie the Pooh. I did not know why she was upset. I wore diapers almost all the time.
I noticed they were wet. I was too.
Do you need a changing; I hewp like you Hewp me?” I asked.
We went into the bedroom and she helped me put on a fresh diaper and explained, sometimes when she was shopping or doing other stuff away from the house she had to pee suddenly and couldn’t hold it, so she wore diapers. She didn’t need help changing, and it was embarrassing she had to wear diapers.
That made since to me. I did also, but why would she be embarrassed?
After that she would put on her diaper first and didn’t mind me watching, then she would diaper me to go shopping.
Later in life it would be the other way around.
Chapter 3: Mary
By now you are probably saying, “Who the hell is Mary?”
“Be patient the wait is almost over.”
On a morning shortly after my fifth birthday the lady that told me my parents died showed up. Karen told me to play in the other room. I pretended to play while trying to listen, but Karen and the lady were talking too low for me to understand.
I was getting bored and impatient. Just as I was about to walk in and ask for juice (It was my most popular excuse for getting attention) Karen walked in with a pretty little girl in a puffy pink dress and introduced her. “This is Mary she will be staying with us awhile.” Then, walked back in to talk to the lady some more. I don’t know how long awhile is. Over 50 years later, we still joked with each other, “Is it a while yet?” one of us would ask. The other would answer, “No dear not yet.”
At first I didn’t know what to do and we just stared at each other. I decided to show her around.
From where I was sitting I pointed, “That’s the ketchum eher we cook; don’t go in there unless Karen knows. This is the libbing room; we aren’t allowed to leave toys down here at night. I’ll show where to put them later.”
I got up and took her around by the hand.
“This is my room. It used to be Mommy and Daddy’s, but dey died. I let Karen sweep in here too. You can too if you're nice.”
“This is the baffroom we take baffs and go potty here sometines I manage pee-pee. ‘Don’t fergep to watch you hams!’ See the lil’ one (pointing to my little potty) that’s mine you can use it too. If you don’t know how I can show you.” I was starting to learn how to pee in the potty, remembering what Karen said, I said, “Boys and girls pee de same ‘cept girls is better at hittum inside. Nebber mind I showed you later.”
Walking back out I pointed to the family room. Karen and the lady were still talking low, so I whispered in Mary’s ear, “Dat’s de fambly room, me an Kawen weed books in der sometines.”
“On de udder side is de dimeing room. I ain't ate der since Crismus afore Granny died.
We went up stairs holding hands.
“Dis de utter baffroom. It got a lil’ potty too if ya doan wanna go all way downstair.” “But, we doan take baffs here no more.
“Dis my faberit room. It my playroom used ta be my old bedroom, but it got made my playroom when Mommy and Daddy ben killed dead.” See dat sign Kawen made it. It say NO GIRLS AWWOWED!” The sign was pretty well made like a stop sign. “ Dis room has a special fairy that clean it when I no awwound. Not eben Kawen ben in der. (Karen cleaned it.)
She looked amazed and a little sad but said nothing. It was then I realized she said nothing since she got there.
“On de en de hawl de guess room. I only ben der once when Granny libbed here.”
I doan rember wat in der, so you hab ta guess.”
I laughed and Mary sorta smiled though she still looked sad. So I decided to take her where no girl had gone before. (Little inside joke for Trekkies). (Sound of a billion nerds sighing with loathing in the background).
I opened the door and said, “Do you wanna come in?”
She barely nodded her head. I let her in.
“Rember, berry portant if ya in here nebber close dis door, so’s Kawen can hear.”
She nodded her head again.
I started playing with my trucks and cars racing on the shag carpet.
Mary just sat on the floor with a sad look on her face.
Perplexed, I looked around the room. Then in the corner I saw it, the oldest toy I remember ever having. My gorilla it had long funny arms, little short hairy legs, and a big smile. I gave it to Mary said it was hers now. She hugged it and smiled then started to dance with it. I still have on a bookshelf in the living room, and I remember that smile like I was still in that moment every time I look at it. Seeing her smile gave me a warm soft feeling. I didn’t know it then, but she had me hooked.
We played for a long time. I even forgot lunch. Karen came up and saw us playing. When she started to walk in. I pointed to sign and shouted “NO GIRLS AWWOWED!” “Cept Mawy.”
Karen left. I thought she was angry and started to worry. When she came back up though I did not know what scared shitless was, I was. Mary was whimpering, and I was holding her as Karen took a big magic marker, wrote something on the sign below “No Girls Allowed!” and sternly motioned me to her side. She pointed to the sign and said, “Do you know what that says?”
“Uh, No girls alwwowed.” I mumbled.
“Below that, what I just wrote?”
I looked at Mary still tightly holding on to my arm. “UUUUH No?”
Karen smiled, gathered us up in her arms, and said, “Cept Mawy!” She said it like the adult way.
That sign stayed on the door for over 30 years even when the playroom was converted to my home office now it sits next to the gorilla. It finally was replaced when our daughter was born with a much fancier pink one with hand painted flowers that said, “No Boys Allowed!” In purple script letters, and “Cept Daddy!” Hand written by Karen in Magic Marker.
<<Coming up>>
Me and Mary
Mary and I had to start Kindergarten school that year.