Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Things are tough...

  1. #1

    Default Things are tough...


    I had my urologist appointment today. Got prescribed some medication. The last time I had this issue, it took me six months to be diaper free. I only have about six weeks until I meet my boyfriend during winter break. I want to be diaper free. I want to meet him and feel normal. Not like a depressed person that no longer feels worthy of his love or even a desirable woman. When I look in the mirror, I see a face that could be considered pretty. I can't myself as such because of what I wear underneath my pants.

    I tried to tell myself to not get depressed. It seems that my mind doesn't want to listen to me. I feel myself slipping. I no longer take pride in my writing. All I want to write are things that explore the sadness without developing into anything.

    I don't even want to do my schoolwork anymore. All of it seems absolutely pointless. I don't know how to reconcile anything about myself. I spend my time just aimlessly and carelessly doing work. I listen to music. I exercise. I eat because I have to eat.

    I try to teach myself about the finer things in life. The glimmers of time that my boyfriend gives me lifts me up temporarily, but as soon as he leaves the chat, I just feel the same way that I started. Sad. Lonely. Feeling like I'm not desirable or worthy of anything.

    Maybe this is depression... or just some bad days. I don't really know. Maybe this is just part of coming to terms with my new reality. I don't know...

    Thanks for even listening to this whole rant here... I just feel like I had to get it off my chest rather than letting it rattle inside my brain

  2. #2


    Iím sorry you are going through all that. It sounds really tough. I donít know too much about dealing with depression or incontinence, so I donít know if my words will help too much.

    But know that you are never alone. There are so many people who love and care about you, and they would not care about what you wear. The diapers do not define you. You are so much more, and Iím sure your boyfriend sees that too.

    I would suggest telling him about what youíre going through, if he does not know. If he really cares about you, he will be there for you and not care about what you wear. That may also help you feel better about yourself by maybe giving you peace of mind. If he knows you may feel better with him and he can tell you he is there for you and show you he cares about you.

    Again I do not know too much about depression, but I consider myself somewhat of an optimist. I like to think that life is really beautiful. I know not everything is great all the time, but even when things are tough there can be some light that shines. For me that can be going for a run or watching the sunset. I also try to be thankful for every second. Sure not every moment is great, but I could be worse off, and I am grateful to be alive and have the people I have in my life.

    I donít know if that helps too much. But maybe try to find some light. Like from the sound of it, you may be free from diapers in 6 months? Sure itís not 6 weeks, but at least itís not forever. And even if it were, there could be other positive things to find.

    Hope I helped a little bit. If not in anyway but to tell you that no matter what you are never alone. There are always people in your life, or even people on this site, that are wishing you the best.
    Last edited by RunningDL; 30-Oct-2018 at 06:15. Reason: Adding spaces

  3. #3


    I'm seeing a therapist for grief caused depression. I'm not sure it's helping that much because the cause of my depression isn't going away any time soon. Still, it helps to talk to someone who understands. I also talk to my daughter almost every day as she calls me on her way to work. It helps to be with other people and find things to keep yourself busy.

  4. #4


    Definitely do not feel alone. There are many younger people working with incontinence. I do not "suffer from it". I know it is hard to reconcile that and it takes time. As a man, I sometimes feel like my wife will not see me as strong, manly or whatever. However, I have a great wife and that is not a problem. She says they are just different underwear. I hope you find the same thing and that people see you for who you are and not what you wear.

  5. #5


    I only had incontinence for a brief time when I was younger and then it got solved by surgery, so I know it sucks, and later on I started having mental health issues (idk if you quite have depression or if you are just feeling down), so I know it sucks to feel bad like that.

    But things do get better, and sometimes it's just a matter of having the right attitude about things, sometimes the things you wish would change cant be changed (or it takes time), but you can usually choose to think more positively about what is bothering you and make the best of a bad situation.

    As far as your boyfriend goes, it's like people say, truly great people (be they friends, Boyfriends, Girlfriends, family members) will always be there for you and support you no matter what.

    Anyone that ditches you when things aren't going well are not people that are worth wasting time and energy on.

  6. #6


    I donít know if Iím qualified really to advise, certainly not on incontinence. But as others have said please donít feel alone.
    I am just beginning a journey myself discovering the extent of my own depression, and already I am seeing there are so many options and so many people ready to listen.
    Maybe do what Iíve done, contact a listening charity anonymously and just let rip, really vent to them. I donít know it just feels as if even the act of typing it out feels like it thereís a little less to carry.

  7. #7


    Hi Leio

    As a young person with incontinence and in diapers 24/7, I'm not going to sugar-coat it. It sucks, especially when it starts happening without warning. Like you, I went through a grieving process. It was the second hardest thing I've ever dealt with - the first was when I developed chronic pain that was so bad I had to start using a wheelchair. Both were massive life changes. And because of them, I had to have counselling and CBT to help me re-evaluate my fears and out them in perspective.

    I reached a point where I couldn't be sad about it anymore. I realised that I was more than my illness, my wheelchair or my diapers. Yes, there are bits of me that don't work properly, but there are many things that do.

    With regards to your boyfriend, what matters most in any relationship is trust. However hard it may be, I strongly suggest that you tell him what's been going on, and that you've had to see a doctor about it. Wearing diapers does not make you any less of a person. And if you tell him about it, then he may be able to help you feel better about it - a problem shared is a problem halved. A diaper is just a barrier between your bladder and your clothes. It shouldn't be a barrier between you and your boyfriend. Be honest and say that this is big deal for you and you need his help to manage this. If he knows about your autistic spectrum disorder and is fine with that, why would he be any different about your incontinence? By all means, try and go without a diaper, but if you can't, whatever you do, don't blame yourself. None of this is your fault, so don't feel guilt or shame for something you can't help.

    And if it makes you feel better, at least you have a partner - I've been single for five years because of my health issues and never being in the same place long enough to find someone. Like you I tend to overthink things and I worry about what people think about me, and all too often, I feel a freak or a misfit because neither my body or brain work the same way as everyone else's.

    But I also know that I can get so bogged down in detail that I fail to see the bigger picture. My critical mind automatically focuses on the things I can't do, rather than the many things that I can do. Even after intense CBT, this trait still lingers, but now it doesn't overpower everything like it used to do.

    Your fears are perfectly natural. It's part of the grieving process. But your boyfriend may be able to help you with that too. Just be honest with him about what's going on, you may be pleasantly surprised. If you're anything like me, things never turn out as bad as I imagine them in my head.

    Breathe Deep, Seek Peace

  8. #8


    Oh my I feel for you so bad!!

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Similar Threads

  1. Ok... but this is tough
    By Leio in forum Incontinence
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 18-Sep-2018, 22:52
  2. Having A Tough Time
    By pjbus in forum Incontinence
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 27-Oct-2016, 17:34
  3. This is tough
    By Palle in forum Greetings / Introductions
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 02-Sep-2014, 01:38
  4. Tough Enough
    By MrMcAwesome in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 18-Apr-2011, 03:26
  5. Two Tough Questions
    By starshine in forum Off-topic
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 13-Oct-2008, 16:41

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  • - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.