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Thread: I've created and opened pandora's box (what should I do)

  1. #11



    She has a severe mental illness. There's nothing that you could have done to make her better. Her mind isn't in the proper state to make proper judgements and decisions. She needs professional help.

    You did the best thing for her. That is to get the authorities involved so that she can get help (also be held accountable for her actions is she was actually able to understand the impact of her actions). If you didn't get the authorities involved, the consequences would be far worse for the two of you and could even harm many other innocent bystanders.

    I understand the guilt that you feel, but you need to let yourself off with the fact that you did the best thing possible for her. That's the mark of a good friend (even if you are former friends): doing the right thing even if your friend doesn't see it like that and even if it isn't convenient for you to do.

    Take care,


  2. #12


    3000 dollars is too much to lose even in a bad day... Don’t forget to file an insurance claim if that’s at all possible. Insurance companies are flaky as heck when you don’t file right away.

    More importantly, you couldn’t have done anything. If what you said is true, she was beyond help when you saw her again. She separated herself from everyone and you had no idea she would do that. If it wasn’t you, it wouldn’ve been someone else. I mean, if she did this to some other person, I doubt they’d be tech savvy enough to even be here it sounds like. Instead of focusing on what you could’ve done, focus on what you can do and what you will do. There’s still life to live. You still have a lot of friends that care about you.

    Maybe you can do something but probably not. Be sure to keep forgiveness in your heart while remembering the consequences and the lessons learned.

    In the meantime, it might also be worthwhile reading up on criminal insanity.

    Good luck Firebrand. Feel free to message me anytime if you need someone to talk to.

  3. #13


    Quote Originally Posted by Fireband View Post
    A very scary update to the situation:
    I found out it was her indeed, so I set up a trap with the help of the local police (they were very helpful). I arranged for my band to play a show yesterday with some of her favorite songs on the set list. The police where there waiting as the department and I had arranged. However, I kid you not, she tried (and thank god failed) to molotov cocktail the stage. Thank god the only things burned were some crummy marshal amps and a few cables. She was apprehended right away. She's currently at a mental hospital after (from what I hear) a very disturbing mental evaluation. When the PD asked if I was pressing charges today as well (which I am) they she might not be competent to stand trial. I'm just relived she is out of my life! I can now focus on me and me alone.
    Why can't this make national news? I'm thrilled that 1) the police took the situation seriously, 2) assisted you in a safe resolution to your problem, and 3) made a concerted effort to keep the peace and well-being of the public as their first priority. I don't mean to take away from your situation, but you did one thing news outlets are shaming police forces all over the US for abusing: trusting them. What did it get you? Peace of mind and perhaps the best nights sleep you've had in a while. At least consider giving them a shoutout in an editorial of the local news. They did good; you're safe and much to her own chagrin so is she.

  4. #14


    Quote Originally Posted by Fireband View Post
    I'm okay, despite loosing 3000 dollars worth of equipment from her homemade molotov. Her family did compensate me for the damages, and told me they had no idea of her whereabouts. Apparently, she had been living with a friend who lives in the neighborhood next to mine (scary). She even quit her job to stalk and harass me. I'm relived her family doesn't blame me for their daughter's mental state. Her family visited her in the hospital, and she's in bad shape. She's been in safety restraints for hours and has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar. The only thing I'm not okay about is feeling like I'm responsible for the loss of my former friend's sanity (yes the court might actually find her criminally insane). I tried to let her down gentle all those years ago, but I keep wondering if I could've done something better. I appreciate all the support you guys have given me. I am truly greatfull.
    No, you couldn’t have done anything better. You did the best you did and you did NOT cause any of these issues. Bright side, you helped the police get her and now, maybe she will finally get the help she needs.

  5. #15


    Considering how scary that whole situation is, I can't imagine a way you could have handled it any better. I'm really glad this all worked out for you!

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