How do I come out to my sister?

ozziebee

ozziebee

Est. Contributor
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  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Incontinent
My sister will be moving in with me soon, and I feel compelled to tell her about my AB side. She already knows about my nappy wearing for IC, and seems accepting of it. We talk a lot about my IC issues, and we joke about my nappy wearing.

Why do I feel the need to tell her about my AB side? What's the benefit?

Well, I've been AB'ing most nights for a while now, wearing my nappies, toddlerish PJ's, with a paci clipped to it, and having almost nightly bottles of formula. I've been watching kids shows, and laughing and crying. Some movies, like "The Land before Time", have me bawling like a baby for a while afterwards, full tears, snot, coughs, the works. I only seem to settle after a bottle, or my paci and a lie down in bed with my stuffies.

I've been regressing lately to destress due to issues in my life at the moment.

What I'm afraid of is having to hide my Little self from my sister once she moves in (with her husband). I don't want to do that - I want to be able to be myself. I don't want my sister to participate - I'm hoping she'd just accept me for being eccentric me.

She's a mother though, and a grandmother, and is very good with babies, so she's quite maternal. We still have little ones in the extended family, so I obviously don't go Little around them.

But I wouldn't be surprised if she did get involved in some way with my Little, if she came to terms with this. She already bosses me around, and knows I'm a bit silly and childish sometimes.

I suspect she'd chat about this to our other (younger) sister, who also knows of my IC, and seen my nappy stash too. Her response when she saw them was "gee, they're real diapers, eh!". My younger sis would probably tease me a bit about my AB side if she knew. Tease as in joke with me, and say stuff that may be a bit inappropriate at times (as a joke).

I have Rosalie Bent's "There's still an adult baby in my bed", and "Coffee with Rosalie", which I'll give to my big sis if they'll help her to understand this.

How do I broach the subject with her?

I'm thinking along the lines of just telling her I have a private quirk which she may see (or discover), which involves pacifiers, bottles, sippy cups, formula, toys and such. No matter what she may think, there's no way I could just not do it, throw all those away and go cold turkey. I can't do that. It'd seriously hurt me. She doesn't need to participate if she doesn't want to, but I'm not going to hide my Little self either.

I might have to write her a letter. It's the only effective way I've found to come out with these deep deep emotions and feelings before - I'm almost unable to communicate them in person, as I often just freeze up, and clam up emotionally.

Help me, ADISCers! You're my only hope!
 
I think you'll have a much easier time since you're female ... for most guys, your sister's husband would be the problem.

I think the conversation you have outlined will suffice, but you ought to mention (particularly since they're moving in with you) that you won't abandon your little side even though she and her husband are there.

While I have a lot of respect for Rosalie Bent, "There's Still a Baby In My Bed!" requires some diligence and commitment to work through. I'd really recommend an honest conversation followed by the offer of Rosalie's two tomes as resources if your sister wants them.

Please let us know how she responds.
 
Oh wow ozziebee this is really kind of huge... seriously even with the knowledge they have, this is a quantum leap. Are you sure you or they are ready for this.

So, I totally get where you’re coming from, but even still. In many ways you could still be discrete, maybe incorporate a couple of things that wouldn’t seem so bizarre to your fam like a cuddly bed pal etc. but coming out full baby might be too big a shock. It may weird them out too much. Do they really need to know the full deal?

I do feel your dilemma and wish I didn’t have to be discrete myself with my very real little self, but for most people this stuff is just a bit too out there.

I wish I could offer you more positive encouragement, but maybe you should err on the safe side.
Hugs little one.
ozbub
 
While I don't have any real advice to give you (never been in this situation), I wish you best of luck if you decide to tell her and hope she takes it well <3
 
Honestly from how you have described your sisters they seem to be loving caring and understanding people, so is accepting you for what you are and what you need such a stretch from that?
 
Hmmm, this sounds like an interesting conundrum.

To be fair, I can totally understand where you are coming from. If they're moving into your house, you have every right to still be able to regress when the need strikes, but of course, being an AB can be a difficult thing to hide in such situations and it's always difficult to judge how others are going to react be they friends, family or a significant other.

I have mulled over in my head what I would do should I have to share an apartment or a place in the near future with a roommate. I've been fortunate enough to have been living on my own since I was 20, but one never knows what the future holds. I figure that if I ever needed to take on a roommate to help with rent increases, I would probably let them know before they even moved in about my AB side, simply because it's not something I can do without or effectively hide.

Your situation is even better than my imaginary, what-if scenario. From what I read and understand, it is your house, the one that you own, that your sister and her husband are moving into, correct? From the sounds of things you are extending an olive branch, letting them stay with you until they find a place or get back on their feet. Since it is your house, you have every right to do what you want to under your roof, regression and AB time included. If your sister and her husband don't like it, they can simply leave.

Now, you mentioned that your sister is fine with your diapers for incontinence purposes, which is understandable, that's a legit condition and anyone who would be prudish or unaccepting of your need for diapers in that case would be a total jerk. Now, you shouldn't really have the expectation that because they embrace your incontinence that they'll be completely OK with your AB side. One is a legit condition and need, the other is a more personal lifestyle/part of yourself, one that is still woefully misunderstood and frowned upon by many of the "normies" in the world.

Your sister and her husband might have an easier time accepting this side of you, if you frame it as simply your thing and avoid the whole participation angle. Participation, and I feel quite strongly about this, should be kept to willing parties and significant others only, if you force the issue of wanting them to both acknowledge you as an AB and participate in that lifestyle alongside you, you run the risk of making things awkward for everyone involved and causing them to be less accepting. It is for that reason, I would avoid using the Rosalie Bent book. That book is really a handbook for the wives, husbands and romantic partners of AB/DLs, it was made with the intention of helping skeptical or willing partners come to terms with their lover's AB/DL side and is a sort of a gateway towards incorporating AB/DL as part of their future lives together. I would fear that should such a book land before your sister, she would assume that you want her to participate in a deeper way, and as I have said before, acceptance is one thing that is difficult to achieve, participation is a whole other ball game and is really something you should be seeking with a partner or a significant other, not your family members. Acceptance and participation are two different things, I think it is fair to want the acceptance and understanding of a family member, participation, unless benign, is reaching too far in my opinion.

I would suggest that you come out to them in a simple, personal and heartfelt way. Maybe even begin the conversation by addressing your incontinence. Take them aside and simply speak from the heart, let them know exactly what being an AB is to you, let them know that it's something that de-stresses you, let them know that it's a part of you and that if they are going to be living under your roof, there's a good chance they may catch you in little mode and there's more than a good chance they'll catch you in diapers as well. If you want to pull in a resource to make things more palatable for them, send them to Understanding Infantilism, unlike the Rosalie Bent book, this is not a guide for partners, this is a general overview of AB/Infantilism that balances both an academic and simplified approach, that would be the best resource for them if you are simply looking to inform them a bit more.

In any event, I definitely think you have every right to tell them and every right to continue exploring your AB side, it is your house after all. I would aim to simply inform them and gain their understanding and the best way to do this is to be honest and upfront. Have a heart to heart before exposing them to any other resources. I hope things work out :)
 
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Yes, I think as long as it's your house, it's your rules, so to speak. If on the other hand they're moving in to take care of you, than you may need to respect their boundaries. It always depends on the situation. So why are they moving in with you?
 
A few years ago a friend needed a place to stay and asked to move in with me. I told her about being ABDL because I did not want to be hiding my little side in my own home. I didn't run around in just a diaper, but I did wear under my footie pjs and openly drank from my bottle. I wore cloth diapers so she did see them in the laundry. I would suggest you tell your sister about your little side. If they can not accept it, they can find somewhere else to live.
 
Poofybutt said:
Hmmm, this sounds like an interesting conundrum.

To be fair, I can totally understand where you are coming from. If they're moving into your house, you have every right to still be able to regress when the need strikes, but of course, being an AB can be a difficult thing to hide in such situations and it's always difficult to judge how others are going to react be they friends, family or a significant other.

I have mulled over in my head what I would do should I have to share an apartment or a place in the near future with a roommate. I've been fortunate enough to have been living on my own since I was 20, but one never knows what the future holds. I figure that if I ever needed to take on a roommate to help with rent increases, I would probably let them know before they even moved in about my AB side, simply because it's not something I can do without or effectively hide.

Your situation is even better than my imaginary, what-if scenario. From what I read and understand, it is your house, the one that you own, that your sister and her husband are moving into, correct? From the sounds of things you are extending an olive branch, letting them stay with you until they find a place or get back on their feet. Since it is your house, you have every right to do what you want to under your roof, regression and AB time included. If your sister and her husband don't like it, they can simply leave.

Now, you mentioned that your sister is fine with your diapers for incontinence purposes, which is understandable, that's a legit condition and anyone who would be prudish or unaccepting of your need for diapers in that case would be a total jerk. Now, you shouldn't really have the expectation that because they embrace your incontinence that they'll be completely OK with your AB side. One is a legit condition and need, the other is a more personal lifestyle/part of yourself, one that is still woefully misunderstood and frowned upon by many of the "normies" in the world.

Your sister and her husband might have an easier time accepting this side of you, if you frame it as simply your thing and avoid the whole participation angle. Participation, and I feel quite strongly about this, should be kept to willing parties and significant others only, if you force the issue of wanting them to both acknowledge you as an AB and participate in that lifestyle alongside you, you run the risk of making things awkward for everyone involved and causing them to be less accepting. It is for that reason, I would avoid using the Rosalie Bent book. That book is really a handbook for the wives, husbands and romantic partners of AB/DLs, it was made with the intention of helping skeptical or willing partners come to terms with their lover's AB/DL side and is a sort of a gateway towards incorporating AB/DL as part of their future lives together. I would fear that should such a book land before your sister, she would assume that you want her to participate in a deeper way, and as I have said before, acceptance is one thing that is difficult to achieve, participation is a whole other ball game and is really something you should be seeking with a partner or a significant other, not your family members. Acceptance and participation are two different things, I think it is fair to want the acceptance and understanding of a family member, participation, unless benign, is reaching too far in my opinion.

I would suggest that you come out to them in a simple, personal and heartfelt way. Maybe even begin the conversation by addressing your incontinence. Take them aside and simply speak from the heart, let them know exactly what being an AB is to you, let them know that it's something that de-stresses you, let them know that it's a part of you and that if they are going to be living under your roof, there's a good chance they may catch you in little mode and there's more than a good chance they'll catch you in diapers as well. If you want to pull in a resource to make things more palatable for them, send them to Understanding Infantilism, unlike the Rosalie Bent book, this is not a guide for partners, this is a general overview of AB/Infantilism that balances both an academic and simplified approach, that would be the best resource for them if you are simply looking to inform them a bit more.

In any event, I definitely think you have every right to tell them and every right to continue exploring your AB side, it is your house after all. I would aim to simply inform them and gain their understanding and the best way to do this is to be honest and upfront. Have a heart to heart before exposing them to any other resources. I hope things work out :)
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Well on several points, Poofy definitely stole my thunder, so I will say... what he said, it was perfect.
 
Poofybutt said:
Hmmm, this sounds like an interesting conundrum.

To be fair, I can totally understand where you are coming from. If they're moving into your house, you have every right to still be able to regress when the need strikes, but of course, being an AB can be a difficult thing to hide in such situations and it's always difficult to judge how others are going to react be they friends, family or a significant other.
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Yes, this is the situation, and their reaction is what I fear.

From what I read and understand, it is your house, the one that you own, that your sister and her husband are moving into, correct? From the sounds of things you are extending an olive branch, letting them stay with you until they find a place or get back on their feet. Since it is your house, you have every right to do what you want to under your roof, regression and AB time included. If your sister and her husband don't like it, they can simply leave.
Click to expand...

Your assumption is mostly correct. My home (new) that I will be moving into in a few weeks, and they will move in not long after. We're doing this for mutual economic reasons. I suspect they're also doing this because they feel they need to escape from their current situation, which is ok with me.

Now, you mentioned that your sister is fine with your diapers for incontinence purposes, which is understandable, that's a legit condition and anyone who would be prudish or unaccepting of your need for diapers in that case would be a total jerk. Now, you shouldn't really have the expectation that because they embrace your incontinence that they'll be completely OK with your AB side. One is a legit condition and need, the other is a more personal lifestyle/part of yourself, one that is still woefully misunderstood and frowned upon by many of the "normies" in the world.
Click to expand...

When I came out to the family that I was TG, my sister was the first to accept me. Not long after my surgery, she contacted me out of the blue, we met up at a cafe and talked for hours. A few weeks later, I spoke to my mum on the phone, and we spoke for hours. Mum invited me to visit home. That drive 5 hours way out west was a very nervous trip. Mum accepted me that weekend, and I came back home with a new hair style, lots of second-hand clothes, and girly stuff.

If my sister had accepted my TG'ness, and now my IC issues, I'm scared but curious as to her reaction to this new bit of news.

Your sister and her husband might have an easier time accepting this side of you, if you frame it as simply your thing and avoid the whole participation angle.
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I completely understand this bit. I'm not asking for participation in this, just forewarned knowledge. My room is private, but this is not something I can hide. She walks into my room to clean it, she may find a bottle in my bed, or my paci. She's already seen my onesies and teddy bears, and knows I sleep with them. But I'm not going to hide walking off to my room with my night bottle either, slinking down the hallway.

Participation, and I feel quite strongly about this, should be kept to willing parties and significant others only
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Again, agreed. I suspect though, that given time and her nurturing nature, I would not be surprised if she did end up participating in some form.

I would suggest that you come out to them in a simple, personal and heartfelt way. Maybe even begin the conversation by addressing your incontinence. Take them aside and simply speak from the heart, let them know exactly what being an AB is to you, let them know that it's something that de-stresses you, let them know that it's a part of you and that if they are going to be living under your roof, there's a good chance they may catch you in little mode and there's more than a good chance they'll catch you in diapers as well.
Click to expand...

I think I also need to stress that it is something that is not going to go away, nor one that I can suppress for 5 or 10 or 20 years.

If you want to pull in a resource to make things more palatable for them, send them to Understanding Infantilism, unlike the Rosalie Bent book, this is not a guide for partners, this is a general overview of AB/Infantilism that balances both an academic and simplified approach, that would be the best resource for them if you are simply looking to inform them a bit more.
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I completely forgot about that website! Thanks for reminding me!

Also, thanks for your long and questioning post!

- - - Updated - - -

dogboy said:
Yes, I think as long as it's your house, it's your rules, so to speak. If on the other hand they're moving in to take care of you, than you may need to respect their boundaries. It always depends on the situation. So why are they moving in with you?
Click to expand...

I'm moving into my new house (owned by me), and they will be boarding. I've agreed to let them move in for economic advantages, and that I'm tired of being so lonely all the time. I've been living on my own now for far too long.

I suspect they're attracted to the idea of living in a new house, and the opportunity to escape from their current living arrangements.
 
Well, it seems like the replies really cover everything and I don't have much to add, but to say that as everything seems to have gone by just fine as is (having your sister accept you as TG and then as IC), you shouldn't have anything to worry about, especially being that it seems as if living together benefits everyone.
 
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