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Thread: Why am I upset about incontinence if I like diapers?

  1. #11


    Hi Leio

    Losing bladder control is never easy, but I think itís harder when youíre younger as you have to live with it for longer, and because people are more self-conscious about their body image, and less confident in it.

    I speak this as someone who has gradually lost bladder control since I was 17 and Iíve accepted that I will have to wear diapers for my whole adult life. Itís taken me a long time to accept this, partly because it took 10 years for doctors to work out what was causing it - only to find they couldnít do anything to fix it as it was nerve damage. It took me six months to come to terms with this, even though Iíd been wearing padding for a decade already.

    This takes time to grieve, to process and to come to terms with. Even now I still have days when I really, really wish I didnít need to wear a diaper.

    For me, becoming a DL was part of the healing process. If diapers were going to be part of my life I chose to embrace them. It took a while but I realised that over time I found I was enjoying each change, rather than dreading it. Diapers arenít sexual for me but I do find them very comfy and I enjoy the security of them. Wearing AB/DL diapers has also helped me - Iím not a baby but the prints help them feel less medical.

    I understand your conflicting feelings about wearing for pleasure rather than wearing for need. It feels awkward, embarrassing and guilty at times. They are perfectly normal and itís fine to feel like that.

    But I say, why not have both? If this is the body you have been given why not enjoy it? Embracing and owning your need for diapers will make you much more confident and outgoing, and comfortable. Thereís no need to be shy about it. Diapers are just underwear. If nothing else, why feel guilty for something you canít control?

    From my own experience, when I learnt to embrace my diapers I also became kinder to myself. I used to get annoyed and frustrated when I had an accident in public, but if one happens now, I can just relax and let my diaper do its job of keeping me dry.

    I hope that this helps you come to terms with this situation. Give yourself time to heal and you will be able to life a confident diapered life with no regrets.

    Breathe Deep, Seek Peace

  2. #12



    Just an update on my condition. The daytime accidents have gotten more frequent. On the upside, I've managed to get a doctor's appointment. Not a urologist appointment, but just a primary care appointment. This appointment will hopefully get me a referral to a urologist.

    On the downside, I had a very public accident today... Sigh... I had to walk home in obviously soaked pants... So embarrassing. I guess this is what I get for not wearing diapers.

  3. #13


    It sounds a bit like you have experienced the denial stage of the four (five) stages of mourning. Sometimes it is called stages of grief and loss as well but it isn't always connected to death although mainly used in this connection.
    Basically, you became aware that your continence condition got worse and now you morn the loss of continence. By not wearing protection you deny your current condition.
    Now, there are another three stages and all four can turn up in no particular order. Anger, bargaining and depression would be the other three.

    I suggest you read the following link. It is about grief and loss stages, of course, but basically applies to a lot of different situations where loss doesn't mean death. The loss of a friend due to shenanigans, the loss of the ability to walk, the loss of continence .... . I wish I had read (or better known) about it almost 20 years ago.
    For me, it usually helps big time, to know where I am. It doesn't always offer a solution but with knowing where I am, it is possible for me to create my own solutions if there's nothing else to find.

    Well, here's the link.

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