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Thread: Help me outgrow

  1. #1

    Default Help me outgrow

    Hello everyone. I'm here because I want to outgrow, or at least regulate, my exclusive fetish. I haven't "worn" since I was potty trained at age 5, although the prospect of "little space" sounds more and more appealing. Instead, AB/DL has manifested mostly as art commissions and roleplays.

    My non-AB/DL interests include literature, philosophy, music, video games, and art. I have a working knowledge of Photoshop and am in the process of writing a novel. I want to finish that novel at some point, and possibly play in a band.

    Around two months ago, I had a nervous breakdown in which I was forgetting to eat and sleep. I've pondered desperately which link in the chain caused me to "snap". It was a clusterf**k of factors ranging from planning for college to all the marijuana I did this summer - and don't forget about a plethora of "mommy issues". I practically learned to walk by her gaslighting.

    Any way you slice it, my manic episode landed me an inpatient stay at a mental hospital, and a diagnosis of Bipolar I "with psychotic features".

    The first med they put me on was an absolute s**tshow, for lack of a better word. It had me feeling like my mind, soul, and body were having a standoff with each other. I've spent so much of my life in transition, that at a couple points I even considered that kind of transition. Meanwhile, I'm an only child trying to resolve some early-onset erectile dysfunction.

    I'm not as "anti-med" as I used to be, mind you. Part of me wants a full body MRI scan. But now it, feels like every coping mechanism of mine is just tainted. Like there's a blockade in my head preventing the joy of anything from registering.

    The one mindset I took refuge in during some of my worst crisis moments... I can't access.

    I'm sick of the f**ing snowball effect. I'm sick of being held back by trauma.

    I want control over my life, my five senses, my creativity, a normal but flexible sleep cycle, and eventually to "get my rocks off" with some guys and girls.

    I've already proven that I can "adult" - although there's still some work to do in that area.

    But before all that, I want a good, long cry.
    Last edited by onegoodcry; 1 Week Ago at 11:15. Reason: added bit about non AB-interests

  2. #2

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    Hello onegoodcry and welcome to the group.

    Very informative introduction.

    Egor

  3. #3

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    Thank you. I know how much I ranted and rambled. I'm always searching for the best possible version of myself to present to everyone. I guess that's what made me snap.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by onegoodcry View Post
    Thank you. I know how much I ranted and rambled. I'm always searching for the best possible version of myself to present to everyone. I guess that's what made me snap.
    Hi and welcome. If you eventually play in a band, what is your instrument? I played in a very good rock/cover band for 15 years. I'm a keyboardist, my degree in organ performance, but I mostly play piano and keyboards.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by dogboy View Post
    Hi and welcome. If you eventually play in a band, what is your instrument? I played in a very good rock/cover band for 15 years. I'm a keyboardist, my degree in organ performance, but I mostly play piano and keyboards.
    Bass guitar or drums. People tell me I have a decent singing voice, but to me the most satisfying thing in music is a tight rhythm section.

  6. #6

    Default

    Hello onegoodcry,
    Wow... Where to go with that?
    Well. Welcome to the group. 🐈

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