Bouncing Back After Heartache

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2Little2Late

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Not too sure where I should of started this thread, I decided to go with my heart on this one and place it here So if anyone has some time to spare, please read this with an open heart as I am struggling with a heartache as I type. Fighting off not to cry but it's not working. Dang emotional me.


Willing to share my story in private messages if you are wanting to know more about me. Without going into extensive detail here, I will just say discovering what things have made me happy since I found this forum, those things that make me happy are also bringing back some damaged feelings along with them.

Granted my childhood wasn't easy, I had a rough start in life (which I was pronounced dead when I was born) that lead to many learning difficulties, a broken drug infested environment at home, and to top it all off, I suffered from child abuse off and on up until I was 17 which turned into worse. Even as an adult I ended up in an emotional and mental situation that nearly cost me my life a couple years ago.

Long story short, found comfort in a favorite blanket as a kid, a stuffed dog my uncle gave me as a kid, and for many years a plush bear my mom and dad bought me for Christmas before they divorced when I was 16.

So as I am finding out the Bear still brings me great comfort, I want to be cuddled and taken care of more, a new onesie I bought within the last month is comfortable, and the pacifier is oddly soothing at times, Diapers are a new concept to me as I am in mixed emotions about still.

So, the more I find the little girl wants to come out to play and re explore this world through different eyes, the more I am okay with it one minute and the next I get terrible flashbacks to my childhood when it went abusive and I feel that disappointment, embarrassment, shame, guilt, and worst yet, heart ache.


Just needed somewhere to turn and this is my only outlet. This is the first day I have actually opened up and that could clue into what I am feeling now. And I just don't know where I can turn or what I can do now.


Thank you all for reading and have a wonderful day.
 
Thank you for sharing your story.

As I read it I thought of the Garfield comic strip this morning and I think it is fitting.

Sounds like even your teddy bear needs a teddy bear.
 
Hey, I might always be short on words but know, we'll always be here for you!
 
I suddenly got flooded with a lot of lost memories from when I was a kid when my wife's health crashed and she had to go on kidney dialysis. Sometimes there are things that happen to us that can bring back a number of issues that we didn't or couldn't deal with when they first happened. Maybe we were too young to understand them. Mine caused me to write a novel and publish it. It was a good way to revisit the painful past and deal with it at some level.
 
I’m sorry for your past difficulties. It must be hard to try to sum up so much in a few paragraphs. As you work on letting the past go, there are circumstances you were facing at that time for which you had no choice.

Now you get to make the choices going forward. Trust what brings you calm. Your bear may represent the past- it was there with you, but now you two are out of that.. and still together. Think of him as your core of inner strength, the mind that’s sorting through this in order to let it go.
I fully accept your need to let this part of you out and play. I hope you can as well.
 
I didn't have the best childhood either, I lost my step mom who raised me to cancer, my best friend killed himself, and I got type one diabetes and now I don't think I will ever get a break paying for insulin. I think the worst of it all was the abuse I suffered at my dad's hand after he remarried. Worst time of my life.

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Wow. You are in good company. Whose to say whose childhood is worse? I have suffered tremendously throughout my childhood and adult hood.
I commend you for taking the risk and letting us know.
Diapers are really nice. I have a decent stash, an adult pacifier, a onesie and I nap that way
It heals me. Little selves need nurturing.

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drawer said:
I’m sorry for your past difficulties. It must be hard to try to sum up so much in a few paragraphs. As you work on letting the past go, there are circumstances you were facing at that time for which you had no choice.

Now you get to make the choices going forward. Trust what brings you calm. Your bear may represent the past- it was there with you, but now you two are out of that.. and still together. Think of him as your core of inner strength, the mind that’s sorting through this in order to let it go.
I fully accept your need to let this part of you out and play. I hope you can as well.
I am an author too. Super sweet! Wow, my novel will be so crazy. Working on a novel is hard work.
dogboy said:
I suddenly got flooded with a lot of lost memories from when I was a kid when my wife's health crashed and she had to go on kidney dialysis. Sometimes there are things that happen to us that can bring back a number of issues that we didn't or couldn't deal with when they first happened. Maybe we were too young to understand them. Mine caused me to write a novel and publish it. It was a good way to revisit the painful past and deal with it at some level.

Sent from my UL40 using Tapatalk
 
Yeah, I spent six years working on my novel. Being a teacher assistant, I had the summers off from the day job and that gave me some time to write.
 
I wanted to reach out and thank Egor, Uggu, dogboy, drawer, makubird, UzgruzzSteelchoppa, and extremecomfy for taking the time to respond to me. I am still in the phases of coming to terms of what has all happened to me, but starting to open up to gain that sense of peace in my life in which I need more than ever. I can't keep things 'bottled up' inside because it hurts too much and I become miserable. Again thank you for allowing me to come here and post openly about what is going on in my life as I am trying explore a new chapter in my life.
 
Have you ever tried a therapist or counselor to help you overcome these past times? I know sometimes it's not all that great having to explain your story to the doctor, but you'd have to so they can help you. But I'm talking about the dark/deep parts and stuff, not ABDL. The ABDL stuff I would say you should continue with since it gives you great comfort, feeling safe, loved, cared for, etc. Plus it could also be a good coping mechanism. You should definitely explore your little/baby side more so that way you know what you like and dislike. Being able to have fun like a child again is wonderful and precious! <3 You (as well as everyone else) deserves to have that fun! :grouphug:
 
I agree with SparkleBunny. A therapist isn't a panacea, but they can help guide you and teach you different ways of dealing with past trauma. Don't settle for the first therapist you try, or assume that if the first one can't help you, none can. It may take a while to find a therapist that is a good "fit" so don't be afraid to shop around. The best advice my therapist gave me was, you can't change the past but you can change the future. Good luck and best wishes.
 
"the more I find the little girl wants to come out to play and re explore this world through different eyes, the more I am okay with it one minute and the next I get terrible flashbacks to my childhood when it went abusive and I feel that disappointment, embarrassment, shame, guilt, and worst yet, heart ache"
As a person with a rough childhood, this line specifically stuck out to me.
This is just what you need to do. You're doing well with coming to terms with the past. There's nothing you can do to change the past itself, but your regression as a little girl will allow you to come to terms with it and give yourself a "fresh start" of sorts. You're already so strong for surviving all of this, and you're even stronger for taking a step toward acceptance with your regression. Each day you can work toward a state of peace.
 
Hello 2Little,
Sorry to hear that your formative years were so stressful
 
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