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Thread: I wish i could just start over.

  1. #1

    Unhappy I wish i could just start over.

    Look, I've never had it easy. Life has always given me crap. Being autistic has never made things easier. I also have anxiety disorder and PTSD. My childhood was even problematic. In first grade my best friends mom moved her to a new school because she was paranoid about my "autism corrupting her daughter". I know now she was paranoid and had some disorder, but i feared by most of the school 'til middle school. Middle school was the worst time of my life. High school was hell. My school dropped me because my emotional needs made me a liability. I feel like i have kick me hovering over my head. I wish i could start over or just end it all. I was thinking about becoming a little to "recreate the perfect childhood for myself" but i don't know anyone who would be willing to be a partner to a little. Plus i haven't moved out yet. I have no options, plus this incontinence treatment i'm on is taking it's toll. What should i do? I have already seen the shrinks at the psych ward 5 times in my life, and they couldn't patch me up. I'm in a dead end. Pretty soon ill be burntupband instead of fireband.

  2. #2

    Default

    We all wish we could just hit the reply kid. In that respect at least you're not that spechel.

    - - - Updated - - -

    We all wish we could just hit the reply kid. In that respect at least you're not that spechel.
    But in the end I do know one thing... God didn't make mistakes. She makes challenges. Some days I'm challenged to learn to love myself just as she made me. And some days I'm to learn to love the Fred Phelps' of the world. And still other days its the Donald Trumps of the world.
    God... You're not making this easy woman.

  3. #3

    Default

    Give it time. It sounds like you've got pretty close to rock bottom as it is, and you know what they say about rock bottom: once you get there the only way to go is up. Ending it isn't the answer. I'm no stranger to the insides of the psych ward—I've been there twice so far and it sucked so much I fought to recover our of spite.

    As for the desire you have to "become" a Little… that isn't something you become. You either are or aren't. Trying to force it isn't going to work.

    I'm sorry your incontinence treatment isn't working. Is there any way you can arrange something else, if it's that bad?

  4. #4

    Default

    Like OmiOMy said, give it time. It gets better. Life gets better.

    I have my own regrets in life, and some days I break down over it and get depressed about it, but in the end, I know there's nothing I can do to change the past, so I try to focus on changing the future. To better myself. I have my regrets, my choices I've made, and I have to live with them, but that doesn't mean I have to be miserable over poor choices or regrets. The past is the past, unless you've commit some sort of horrible crime, it gets better. It may not seem like it now but it does.

  5. #5

    Default

    I too wish I could start over, since there are life decisions when I was a kid I wish I could undo. But like anyone we are stuck with out past, we have to live with it and hope for the future. Some people will say that God will guide you to that future, but that is primitive and superstitious nonsense. But one thing is certain, the future holds a lot more.

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