My incontinence has officially ended my social life (Advice needed)

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Fireband

The musical wounder of ADISC!
Est. Contributor
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161
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Little
  3. Incontinent
  4. Carer
  5. Other
So,
i was in a rolling stones cover band called "the rolling boulders," and things were going great until my incontinence started. Since my band mates found out i might be wearing diapers thanks to a voicemail from my doc for tommorow timed wrong, they kicked me out of the band without my cut of our profit from gigs. What's next huh?! Now i don't even want to leave the house (even if i could, i don't have any diapers right now (my cvs briefs i bought to hide it ran out and i'm constantly on the toilet sorry for the tmi). I don't know what to do. I feel like gaming is all i have left. Anyone got got advice... thanks
 
Your life should not be defined by one group of friends or a task. You are here and reaching out so you have at least another group of people to interact with that understand and feel for you. Incontinence is like wearing glasses or using a crutch. If this is new to you, get with your Dr as you can and find our why. Maybe this is something that can be cured. If not, then you need to look at what you do next. Wearing diapers as a young adult in the world while embarrassing if you let it be, can be overcome. There are many of us that live with, not suffer from, incontinence. Stand up, put your appropriate padding on to deal with the situation, and find the next path in life. The destination is not the goal, it is the journey.
 
When my incontinence started I was still going to school, I lost friends and got bullied.
After a time I realised that those weren’t real friends, because the ones who cared about me were still there supporting me and the bullies... well, they were bullied two years later after the police arrested them.
I know that it’s difficult at the beginning but since you also just suffer from urinary incontinece your situation is much easier.
Trust me, if you now start staying just at home and not going out then you’ll loose your entire social life but if you try instead to go out and have normal relationships to other people then you’ll see that everything goes normally.
And at the end of the day: really, who cares if you’re wearing a diaper?
 
I refuse the fact I am incontinent and wear nappies to stop me doing anything I want. My wife told me when I became incontinent to wear a nappy and just get on with life.
 
Wow, the fact that your "friends" were so narrow minded, short sighted, and so quick to overreact really goes to show they were never your friends in the first place. You may not think it right now, but you're better off without them.

Like ST50 said, I never let my diapers and incontinence stop me from doing what I like. If you like playing that much, then why not start your own band?
 
Firebrand, Your band mates sound like real jerks! I appreciate what you’re going through. I became incontinent as the result of a surgical mishap when I was 14 years old and had to wear diapers during the first three years of high school. It was a nightmare, but I survived it. There’s an old saying that whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Things pretty much worked that way for me.
 
Go out and continue having a social life.
It's hard to recognize that your friends haven't been real friends.
But I'm sure, there are a lot of real friends out there.
 
Agreed they definitely were not friends just business associates in thier minds, that being said if they owe you money you could take them to small claims court and if the bands a registered company for Tax’s and its in the U.S. you could file a claim under the disability act. But either way you sre better off with out them and start s nee band or join a existing band that needs a new member, Incontinence does not force you to stop doing what you love it simply causes you to adapt to being diapered
 
If such a little thing like this who DONT concern them makes them do this to you then who needs them ? If it were my former friend's i would openly tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine ( i do apologize for the the rather huch words & if they are to much feel free to remove them i do however try to compose myself in a proper manner )

Reg the staying at home and DEFINITELY the gaming part NOT the right way to go here dear . The IC you must try to find a way to accept (for the time being ) that you are forced to wear certain protection needed as you trying to live youre life. Living you life next to the toilet will NOT be productive in ANY way dear. What you need is to get OUT (after properly secured of course ) and get on with youre life hon

The gaming is al you got left that's NOT true you have the rest of youre young life to explore and make something of it , shore you lost this so called friends and this band but there are TONS of bands out there ready to take you on with or without being protected . You know as well as i do that what matters in the music scene is the actual MUSIC ! Not weather some band members wear a diaper due to medical problems , or indeed any other BS reasons one can think of NOT its being able to produce MUSIC and having a good time with youre bodies in the band :grouphug:
 
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Go back to them and let them know they owe you your money and an apology, and if they don't comply, spread the word that the band discriminates against people who have medical issues.
 
I don't try to be contrary, but it seems what I have to say is most often on the opposite side of what the larger group has to say. This is pretty new for you, and the fact of the matter is that you will need to make some changes in your life because of it. There's going to be an adjustment period. There's going to be frustration and anger and denial. There will be shame, even though you have no reason to feel ashamed by a medical condition. It will be a lot like the process of grieving. Its going to take time to reach acceptance and its going to be a roller coaster ride until then. Not all your friends are going to stick by you and some people you try to make friends will won't even give you the time of day, these people aren't very good friends. You'll be able to tell who your true friends are. You may not want to leave the house right now, and nobody can blame you for that. In fact, you probably shouldn't run out into the world and try to meet new people until you get past your adjustment period and have a good handle of things. So your social life may be over, for now. Its not going to do any good for your self esteem or acceptance to rush into things ill prepared and end up embarrassed because you haven't figured out the proper products you need yet. So stay home, get yourself sorted out, then go out there and try again. Its not going to happen over night. It takes time. The fact of the matter is, you can't just pick up where you left off like nothing has changed. Things will be different, and you are going to have to get used to it. There will be a lot you will have to learn. You can't go back to or get on with your old life, but you can make a new one.
 
BurgundyRose said:
I don't try to be contrary, but it seems what I have to say is most often on the opposite side of what the larger group has to say. This is pretty new for you, and the fact of the matter is that you will need to make some changes in your life because of it. There's going to be an adjustment period. There's going to be frustration and anger and denial. There will be shame, even though you have no reason to feel ashamed by a medical condition. It will be a lot like the process of grieving. Its going to take time to reach acceptance and its going to be a roller coaster ride until then. Not all your friends are going to stick by you and some people you try to make friends will won't even give you the time of day, these people aren't very good friends. You'll be able to tell who your true friends are. You may not want to leave the house right now, and nobody can blame you for that. In fact, you probably shouldn't run out into the world and try to meet new people until you get past your adjustment period and have a good handle of things. So your social life may be over, for now. Its not going to do any good for your self esteem or acceptance to rush into things ill prepared and end up embarrassed because you haven't figured out the proper products you need yet. So stay home, get yourself sorted out, then go out there and try again. Its not going to happen over night. It takes time. The fact of the matter is, you can't just pick up where you left off like nothing has changed. Things will be different, and you are going to have to get used to it. There will be a lot you will have to learn. You can't go back to or get on with your old life, but you can make a new one.

Actually Burgundy Rose with al due respect as someone who has PLENTY of experience in both DEEP (and i mean DEEP ) depression and also as you say completely shield my myself from the outer world (ie isolated my self at home for LONG periods of time ) although i agree that he should try to find it in his heart to accept this new reality and accept that he now needs to wear protection and so on as well as he will risk having public accidents etc.... Isolating himself at home will only INCREASE the inner problems as he`s head will start playing with his mind ( TRUST me on this i KNOW ) so the best thing here is as we al sed see the docs , get protection and get on with youre life rather then isolate yourself forcing yourself to ALONE fight against youre own self risking to fall even deeper in that dark deep hole again i KNOW as i've been in that dark pit more times then i care to remember and i have learnt how to climb out of it as well ALONE but its NOT what i would suggest to anyone. Nor i assure you would ANY licenced shrink (and NO im NOT one either )
 
This topic sounds too odd. Maybe it just me.
 
Missy1 said:
Actually Burgundy Rose with al due respect as someone who has PLENTY of experience in both DEEP (and i mean DEEP ) depression and also as you say completely shield my myself from the outer world (ie isolated my self at home for LONG periods of time ) although i agree that he should try to find it in his heart to accept this new reality and accept that he now needs to wear protection and so on as well as he will risk having public accidents etc.... Isolating himself at home will only INCREASE the inner problems as he`s head will start playing with his mind ( TRUST me on this i KNOW ) so the best thing here is as we al sed see the docs , get protection and get on with youre life rather then isolate yourself forcing yourself to ALONE fight against youre own self risking to fall even deeper in that dark deep hole again i KNOW as i've been in that dark pit more times then i care to remember and i have learnt how to climb out of it as well ALONE but its NOT what i would suggest to anyone. Nor i assure you would ANY licenced shrink (and NO im NOT one either )
I've had my share of depression, isolation and grief as well. I can tell you my life has been a pretty terrible one starting as early as 4 years old. Trauma and loss are no strangers. I got through it all alone. I still get through things alone. In fact, I need to be alone when something's wrong. I need that space and time to think and sort out my own mind. I'm not a licensed therapist either, but I have taken a good amount of psychology classes. Not everybody copes the same way. You're somebody who's condition improves by being with others, I'm somebody who's condition improved by being by myself. The three therapists I've spoken with acknowledge that the healing process is different for everybody. Fireband may be better off going your way, but he could just as easily be better off going mine. In the end, only he can really know what's best for him. I think he should be given all of the potential options rather than a chorus of just one.
 
BurgundyRose said:
I've had my share of depression, isolation and grief as well. I can tell you my life has been a pretty terrible one starting as early as 4 years old. Trauma and loss are no strangers. I got through it all alone. I still get through things alone. In fact, I need to be alone when something's wrong. I need that space and time to think and sort out my own mind. I'm not a licensed therapist either, but I have taken a good amount of psychology classes. Not everybody copes the same way. You're somebody who's condition improves by being with others, I'm somebody who's condition improved by being by myself. The three therapists I've spoken with acknowledge that the healing process is different for everybody. Fireband may be better off going your way, but he could just as easily be better off going mine. In the end, only he can really know what's best for him. I think he should be given all of the potential options rather than a chorus of just one.

As i sed i could easily spot that you have similar background as me (ie SHITY ) and that's why i do mean with AL respect, i agree were al different in that way, oh im as Lone wolf as one can be dear so in my case im like you deal with everything AL alone most of the time. Fair enough you've takend classes but i have talked to shrinks docs so called specialists etc... since i was 4 and up and my problems started from birth. (incl what youre describing up to suicidal = a living HELL on earth since birth and still going in a never ending rollercoaster still to come = me being a broken soul for the rest of my life) Oh i agree dear i just felt it necessary to speek up the different opinion in this matter with clear statements such as youres against sed mentioned method so that he then as you say decide what is the best way for him

Again i meant no disrespect in any way shape or form Burgundy Rose and if i in in any way shape or form hurt youre feelings please accept my deepest and sincere apologies as that's NOT my intention
 
Fireband said:
So,
i was in a rolling stones cover band called "the rolling boulders," and things were going great until my incontinence started. Since my band mates found out i might be wearing diapers thanks to a voicemail from my doc for tommorow timed wrong, they kicked me out of the band without my cut of our profit from gigs. What's next huh?! Now i don't even want to leave the house (even if i could, i don't have any diapers right now (my cvs briefs i bought to hide it ran out and i'm constantly on the toilet sorry for the tmi). I don't know what to do. I feel like gaming is all i have left. Anyone got got advice... thanks

No not over your not the only one that wears diapers.
my girl friend is incontinent and wears 24 /7
Reach out to others like you they go through the same thing as you are.
Thats your best choice. plus some persons dont care if you wear diapers just be a great guy in every thing you do.
 
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