gnd567
Est. Contributor
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- 887
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- Adult Baby
- Diaper Lover
- Little
Please forgive me for my rambling but I’m really hurting badly and have nobody in the real world that I can talk to about this sort of thing. I just have nowhere else to go.
Also, if this is in the wrong place, feel free to move it wherever you feel it's appropriate.
I have come to realization that even though my professional career is very slowly, but definitely, starting to take off and big things are happening, I won’t really be happy until I’ve found someone to be my mommy/girlfriend.
I feel like I can’t be myself. I still live at home with my parents due to my disability and lack of sufficient funds to live on my own (my disability check combined with my pay from work isn’t enough to even rent a room.) Because my mom works days and Dad works evenings/nights, there is always someone home in our house and always someone awake and since I don’t get out much other than for work, it mean I’m never really alone for more than maybe 20-30 mins at a time.
I have no private time to be “little” me.
I can’t regress in my bedroom because I fear that somone will hear me crinkling or hear or catch me watching “PAW Patrol” (my little’s most favoritest show ever!) or I’ll forget to lock my door and they’ll come in without knocking (not normal for them, but it could happen) and find me in my onesie or shortalls.
Other than my teddy bear (which I sleep with every night) and my diapers (which I get to wear about one night a week), I don’t ever get to give into any of my other little desires. I’m too afraid of getting caught. It hurts me so much that I want to cry but i’m even worried about being caught crying because then someone will want to know what’s wrong and there's no way I could tell them. They wouldn’t understand at all.
I feel all alone in this world. I’ve had a recurring dream for well over 20 years that I’m a lost toddler in the grocery store, searching all over for my mommy, but she’s nowhere to be found. It happens at least a couple times a month and I usually wake up in tears.
Why haven’t I found a partner willing to be my mommy? Well, first I’d have to find a girl and I’ve never dated. My social anxiety was so bad that until this past spring, I had a hard time even going to the counter at a store and paying for something because I’d get so nervous because my poor eyesight (legally blind) I am unable to make eye contact with others because I can’t see them and my eyes move uncontrollably and I feel self conscious about it. That combined with the fact that I was relentlessly bullied in elementary and middle school and an outcast in high school and that I have a hard time navigating in public alone has made social situations a bit more difficult.
I also have a (so-far) incurable form of E.D. (caused by radiation treatments as a child) that has made me feel like I have nothing to offer a woman. I can’t see well enough to do handyman stuff around the house and I can’t please her in bed so what can I offer her? I don’t have a lot in common with people my age either. I know nothing about current movies, TV, music or pop culture. I’m both and old soul and a toddler at heart and it’s very confusing. What am I good at? Loving. I love to love.
I’ve only ever had the guts to ask a girl out four times in my entire life. Each time ended bad. Two politely declined, one stood me up and the last one (for whom I had a real bad crush on) laughed hysterically and shouted (so all of our friends could here) “Yeah right! Like that’ll ever happen! ME with YOU? Are you f**kin’ kidding me right now?”” and proceeds to leave that night with my (now former) best friend. Everyone thought it was hilarious and i was mortified. They’re now married and expecting a baby of their own.
Now, to be clear, by “mommy” I DON’T mean someone who will keep me as a baby 365 24/7. I have a career I’m passionate about and things are things are going good there and I wouldn’t give that up. I also want someone I can be an “adult” with and learn to be more social. I want someone I can also experience life with.
But I do really crave someone who will also be able truly accept the “little” me.
I know it’s weird but I just HAVE to have these needs met and I won’t be able to be happy unless that person is willing to be my mommy. I’ve been single for 27 years, and if they’re not willing to accept this as a big part of who I am, I don’t know if I’ll be able to be with them because it would be no different than my current situation.
I’m tired of stifling myself and my needs.
This is as much a part of me as my adult side and I can't keep ignoring it because that's what makes it worse.
I need to find someone but I’m clueless as to how.
I’m afraid of getting caught if I put myself out there on FetLife because of my career I’m starting to gain some local notoriety and people are beginning to recognize me in my area and I’d hate to be recognized by a co-worker or someone who knows me.
Any advice? I know I sound like I’m whining but I feel so helpless.
I feel like I’m denying myself happiness but I’m so fearful of rejection and I feel like less than a man because of my disabilities and that I also can’t help but feel guilty for wanting this so much. I feel ashamed that I have no interest in being with someone that won’t treat me as a baby a few nights a week when we’re in private. Again, not ALL the time, but maybe half and half? Am I so wrong in wanting this? Please tell me the truth.
Also, if this is in the wrong place, feel free to move it wherever you feel it's appropriate.
I have come to realization that even though my professional career is very slowly, but definitely, starting to take off and big things are happening, I won’t really be happy until I’ve found someone to be my mommy/girlfriend.
I feel like I can’t be myself. I still live at home with my parents due to my disability and lack of sufficient funds to live on my own (my disability check combined with my pay from work isn’t enough to even rent a room.) Because my mom works days and Dad works evenings/nights, there is always someone home in our house and always someone awake and since I don’t get out much other than for work, it mean I’m never really alone for more than maybe 20-30 mins at a time.
I have no private time to be “little” me.
I can’t regress in my bedroom because I fear that somone will hear me crinkling or hear or catch me watching “PAW Patrol” (my little’s most favoritest show ever!) or I’ll forget to lock my door and they’ll come in without knocking (not normal for them, but it could happen) and find me in my onesie or shortalls.
Other than my teddy bear (which I sleep with every night) and my diapers (which I get to wear about one night a week), I don’t ever get to give into any of my other little desires. I’m too afraid of getting caught. It hurts me so much that I want to cry but i’m even worried about being caught crying because then someone will want to know what’s wrong and there's no way I could tell them. They wouldn’t understand at all.
I feel all alone in this world. I’ve had a recurring dream for well over 20 years that I’m a lost toddler in the grocery store, searching all over for my mommy, but she’s nowhere to be found. It happens at least a couple times a month and I usually wake up in tears.
Why haven’t I found a partner willing to be my mommy? Well, first I’d have to find a girl and I’ve never dated. My social anxiety was so bad that until this past spring, I had a hard time even going to the counter at a store and paying for something because I’d get so nervous because my poor eyesight (legally blind) I am unable to make eye contact with others because I can’t see them and my eyes move uncontrollably and I feel self conscious about it. That combined with the fact that I was relentlessly bullied in elementary and middle school and an outcast in high school and that I have a hard time navigating in public alone has made social situations a bit more difficult.
I also have a (so-far) incurable form of E.D. (caused by radiation treatments as a child) that has made me feel like I have nothing to offer a woman. I can’t see well enough to do handyman stuff around the house and I can’t please her in bed so what can I offer her? I don’t have a lot in common with people my age either. I know nothing about current movies, TV, music or pop culture. I’m both and old soul and a toddler at heart and it’s very confusing. What am I good at? Loving. I love to love.
I’ve only ever had the guts to ask a girl out four times in my entire life. Each time ended bad. Two politely declined, one stood me up and the last one (for whom I had a real bad crush on) laughed hysterically and shouted (so all of our friends could here) “Yeah right! Like that’ll ever happen! ME with YOU? Are you f**kin’ kidding me right now?”” and proceeds to leave that night with my (now former) best friend. Everyone thought it was hilarious and i was mortified. They’re now married and expecting a baby of their own.
Now, to be clear, by “mommy” I DON’T mean someone who will keep me as a baby 365 24/7. I have a career I’m passionate about and things are things are going good there and I wouldn’t give that up. I also want someone I can be an “adult” with and learn to be more social. I want someone I can also experience life with.
But I do really crave someone who will also be able truly accept the “little” me.
I know it’s weird but I just HAVE to have these needs met and I won’t be able to be happy unless that person is willing to be my mommy. I’ve been single for 27 years, and if they’re not willing to accept this as a big part of who I am, I don’t know if I’ll be able to be with them because it would be no different than my current situation.
I’m tired of stifling myself and my needs.
This is as much a part of me as my adult side and I can't keep ignoring it because that's what makes it worse.
I need to find someone but I’m clueless as to how.
I’m afraid of getting caught if I put myself out there on FetLife because of my career I’m starting to gain some local notoriety and people are beginning to recognize me in my area and I’d hate to be recognized by a co-worker or someone who knows me.
Any advice? I know I sound like I’m whining but I feel so helpless.
I feel like I’m denying myself happiness but I’m so fearful of rejection and I feel like less than a man because of my disabilities and that I also can’t help but feel guilty for wanting this so much. I feel ashamed that I have no interest in being with someone that won’t treat me as a baby a few nights a week when we’re in private. Again, not ALL the time, but maybe half and half? Am I so wrong in wanting this? Please tell me the truth.