Any Advice?

My boyfriend is into abdl and while I support him wholeheartedly and love him just the same. He wants me to be a part of it too. Only problem is, is that I get what I'm calling these "anxiety attacks" whenever we start talking about me participating. I have put one on before but only for a few minutes before I started to get upset and didn't want to keep it on. We have had several discussions about this and tried most everything we could think of to try and ease me into it but so far nothing has worked. He's really excited about being able to talk to me about it since he wasn't able to do that before but sometimes his excitement gets overwhelming and I have one of the aforementioned "attacks". I don't know why I get them and its only just started to happen. I thought at first that it was because he was trying to "force" it on me but that turned out to not be the case as even when I tried to ease myself into it myself it didn't seem to work and I've been trying for months if not years. I know that part of me wants to participate in this with him but the rest of me seems to be holding me back, I've asked him a lot of questions related to abdl already and while most of them were very out there questions that even I thought were strange to ask to try and ease some of the fear that I have they only seemed to raise more questions. So, what I'm trying to say is if anyone has any advice on what to do that would be greatly appreciated as both of us have no idea of where to go from here.

Thanks
Arashi:smile1:

You need to take it slowly, I'd say. I think these "attacks" are mostly about your own emotions rather than his ABDL side. I'd suggest you go to a doctor to treat the anxiety. I know, it's a pain.

On the other hand, I think is really, really amazing you love your boyfriend and you accept his ABDL side! Just take thinks slowly, maybe let him wear diapers around you, and then maybe bottle-feed him and slowly start participating more and more.

My wife of 17 years has been fully supportive of my need for diapers. However, she has never cared for them herself. In all our time together she has only worn a diaper for me a handful of times. While I do wish she could enjoy diapers as much as I do, I just had to accept she doesn't. It can be enough having a partner that is accepting but not participating. My advice; The two of you do not need to share every interest 100%.

Shiori, many ABDLs have this problem: We become so excited when someone we love is even willing to listen to our ABDL needs that we tend to 'push' too hard ... often without realizing we're doing so. I imagine the "anxiety attacks" you're experiencing are driven by this ... even though you and your boyfriend may not realize that this tendency is the cause.

I'd second what kik91 has written ... perhaps develop a list of activities that don't seem threatening for you and begin with those. Tell your boyfriend that this is what you're willing to do at the moment, and see if things get easier. Try bottle-feeding, giving him a bath or just putting him to bed. Don't feel 'pressured' to integrate diapers, but do what's comfortable for you.

I do feel like we need to take it slowly, I feel like sometimes his excitement at being able to talk to me about it and the possibility of getting me into ABDL makes things move faster than I'd like. He has bought me a pacifier and i found that I liked it, we don't live together so its kind of hard for him to engage in ABDL as the only time he would be able to engage in it would be at my place since I have more privacy available.

My guess is that he's 'engaging in ABDL' without you, so when he's with you and the possibility of cosplay exists, he's very excited.

If you're okay with feeding him a bottle or giving him a bath, involve him in the process but don't spell it out for him. For example, next time he visits you, ask him to bring a carton of milk or some bubblebath. You'll find that some slight involvement on your part - like going out and buying a baby bottle or a bath mitt you'd use with a toddler - will mean more to him than almost anything else you can do.

I feel that your partner shouldn't keep pushing you into trying diapers/pacifiers as he is an AB/DL.I think it's brilliant that he has been open with you about this side with you but you can still be involved without doing those things. You could join in when playing with toys, colouring and painting etc..

Arashi,

I like your user name. It means "storm" in Japanese. I'm currently visiting a tropical island near Okinawa, Japan where they have a saying "Arashi ika" - meaning "the calm after the storm".

I think that your panic attacks are like tropical storms. They all pass but sometimes they leave disaster in their wake. It is easiest when the storm misses you but when that is not an option you had better be prepared.

For you, everything related to the ABDL lifestyle might be storm worthy. When your boyfriend is not around, think about each of the aspects about this lifestyle and determine which are storm worthy and which (if any) are safe. If none are safe, then think about whether if it would bother you that your boyfriend (and potential future husband) does these things without you? If so and you stay together you'll have many storms to endure.

Let's assume that you are able to find some safe aspects of this community. How can you proceed without building up a storm? You indicated that his excitement (talking about ABDL things) overwhelms you so you might need to establish a guideline where more (any?) ABDL related talk means less (none?) ABDL action.

For example, choose one of your currently (they'll increase/decrease/change over time) safe activities. Plan an evening to do that activity. (Initially, the activity might be as simple as preparing a bath for him but not actually bathing him.) If he gets too excited and brings up too much (any?) ABDL stuff then tell him that what you had planned but are now too overwhelmed to do." After missing out on the opportunity once or twice he'll get the clue.

One final thought. I'm old fashioned so I believe in keeping the clothes on until you're married. If you do too then the list of safe activities will differ before and after marriage.

-Ieyasu

Arashi said:

My boyfriend is into abdl and while I support him wholeheartedly and love him just the same. He wants me to be a part of it too. Only problem is, is that I get what I'm calling these "anxiety attacks" whenever we start talking about me participating. I have put one on before but only for a few minutes before I started to get upset and didn't want to keep it on. We have had several discussions about this and tried most everything we could think of to try and ease me into it but so far nothing has worked. He's really excited about being able to talk to me about it since he wasn't able to do that before but sometimes his excitement gets overwhelming and I have one of the aforementioned "attacks". I don't know why I get them and its only just started to happen. I thought at first that it was because he was trying to "force" it on me but that turned out to not be the case as even when I tried to ease myself into it myself it didn't seem to work and I've been trying for months if not years. I know that part of me wants to participate in this with him but the rest of me seems to be holding me back, I've asked him a lot of questions related to abdl already and while most of them were very out there questions that even I thought were strange to ask to try and ease some of the fear that I have they only seemed to raise more questions. So, what I'm trying to say is if anyone has any advice on what to do that would be greatly appreciated as both of us have no idea of where to go from here.

Thanks
Arashi:smile1:

Click to expand...

Don't do anything that you are not comfortable with. Give it a go (if u want) but take little steps and don't make yourself too scared or uncomfortable. Being an AB is a lot of fun, but it isn't for everyone and nothing should be being forced on you

Acceptance. Perhaps its not for you, thats not bad but its what it is. You don’t fail your boyfriend, he should be lucky to have you. Just as you accept him, he should accept you. Perhaps in a few years, who knows?