Adult Babies And The Male Identity

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kik91

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  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
So, I've been thinking about being an Adult Baby and the male identity. It is no secret that most Adult Babies are male. I've been thinking about that. Why is that? Is it because of society and the male identity that has been dominant over centuries? I don't know, but it got me curious.

I've been thinking, maybe the reason why there are fewer females in the AB Community is because girls are usually seen as cute. Like, society, even in current times, see women as more emotional and allowed for that. Society is okay with women expressing their feelings and showing them openly, so the female image is tied with a sense of openness.

But males are expected to be tough. They are expected to look harsh and not cry. "Boys don't cry". That's how society sees males and expects of them. Not emotional.

So, I guess for many males, the idea of wearing diapers, sucking pacifiers and acting like babies is a way not only to release those feelings, but maybe even as a form of rebellion to the male image? Many guys are tired of feeling like they have to hold it together all the time. Maybe they want to be cared for and babied inside, and that brings them closer to the AB lifestyle.

There are a lot of Little Girls and Daddies, but it is even more common the idea of Baby Boys and Mommies. It is more prevalent in AB fiction and the whole community. Maybe those baby boys want to relieve the weight that has been placed over their shoulders, and let a girl be the strong one.

In traditional patriarchy, men are the ones who hold the house together, they have a lot of responsibility. Now they want to be the ones taken care of, let the girl change their diapers and baby them, and relinquish all the cares.

I don't know, I've been thinking about it. Maybe that's why there are more Adult Baby Boys than Adult Baby Girls. Because society expects different from both genders, so they behave differently and eventually, react differently.

Have you thought about it? Thoughts?

NOTE: This post is in no way meant to be sexist and belittle any gender. I am just writing what I think, and I hope I worded it right.

Anyway, for those tough guys out there... let yourself be pampered!! It's okay to let someone diaper you and treat you like a baby!! You don't have to be macho tough all the time!!
 
I've often said that the reason there are so few women are infantilists is because of childhood conditioning. Girls play with dolls and boys typically do not. Girls become 'conditioned' to things like diapers, bottles and baby clothes while caring for their dolls. Boys, for the most part, miss out on this sort of 'playing parent' experience, and thus there's sometimes an attraction to diapers and other things that girls tend to view pragmatically.

I don't disagree that society expects boys and young men to 'be tough,' while girls are often encouraged to be 'soft' and allow others to care for them. However, I don't think that's the main motivation behind the lack of female ABs. Society still expects different things from both genders.

A 13-year-old girl who was changing dolly diapers since she could walk sees nothing unusual about changing a toddler's diaper while babysitting. A 12-year-old boy who grew up with Thomas the Tank Engine, Transformers and G. I. Joe may find a younger sibling's discarded diapers very attractive. I imagine the young girl would have no idea why the young boy would be inclined toward being a baby!

This theory also explains why many women - particularly those who have had a good deal of childcare experience - often react negatively to a partner's infantilism. "Diapers are for babies," they quite correctly point out, and many have a hard time understanding why grown, healthy males need to regress to a simpler time when all needs were met by someone else. While it's nice to say that guys "don't have to be macho tough all the time," the reality is that society and many of our partners expect nothing less.
 
sbmccue said:
I've often said that the reason there are so few women are infantilists is because of childhood conditioning. Girls play with dolls and boys typically do not. Girls become 'conditioned' to things like diapers, bottles and baby clothes while caring for their dolls. Boys, for the most part, miss out on this sort of 'playing parent' experience, and thus there's sometimes an attraction to diapers and other things that girls tend to view pragmatically.

I don't disagree that society expects boys and young men to 'be tough,' while girls are often encouraged to be 'soft' and allow others to care for them. However, I don't think that's the main motivation behind the lack of female ABs. Society still expects different things from both genders.

A 13-year-old girl who was changing dolly diapers since she could walk sees nothing unusual about changing a toddler's diaper while babysitting. A 12-year-old boy who grew up with Thomas the Tank Engine, Transformers and G. I. Joe may find a younger sibling's discarded diapers very attractive. I imagine the young girl would have no idea why the young boy would be inclined toward being a baby!

This theory also explains why many women - particularly those who have had a good deal of childcare experience - often react negatively to a partner's infantilism. "Diapers are for babies," they quite correctly point out, and many have a hard time understanding why grown, healthy males need to regress to a simpler time when all needs were met by someone else. While it's nice to say that guys "don't have to be macho tough all the time," the reality is that society and many of our partners expect nothing less.

Hmmm, I find your "conditioning theory" very interesting. That could be a potential factor too!! I don't know, there are many factors we could consider, but it's interesting to look for all the possibilities. And yeah, I hate the "boys have to be macho tough all the time" thing. I, as a bisexual person, always look for sensitivity and affection from the guys I want to date. But yeah, society is still very set on that. Back to the conditioning, I remember playing house with my female cousins, while my other boy cousins played "boy games". When we played house, I was ALWAYS the Baby!
 
As a girl I can't say much about society's expectations of men and how that has an effect. I can give my experience though as I've thought about this alot before. 1. Girls tend to have a higher degree of hygeine and using diapers cause a risk of UTIs. So girls are more likely to have a higher degree of disgust in using diapers than guys. 2. With any fetish there's usually a higher percentage of guys into it as our society thinks it's fine for guys to be into sex, but girls are expected to just please their partner. So girls are also less likely to explore outside of being vanilla.
3. As far as just being an ab goes society already sees girls as cute and needing to be cared for and taken care of. So they don't feel that need.
(From my experience talking to littles that don't identify as abdl, number one is a big factor)
 
Lol the original post feels so true to me, I feel like Atlas (with the world on my shoulders) at times, like ever since my mom and dad divorced I had to take over half the bills and responsibilities in my household (of me, my mom, and my younger brother, who hasn't even been working for over a year), I mean I hold down a job, pay bills so we dont get behind, and whenever anything heavy needs to be moved I'm asked to move it, so I think I should be allowed to be emotional at times and enjoy diapers if I want to.

Plus if I hold everything in for too long and I dont have the medication I'm suppose to be on I feel like I'm gonna turn into the incredible hulk and everyone will regret making me mad (me included), it almost happened once when I was working almost 70 hours by Friday (up to 15 hours in 1 day) and my supervisor was always yelling at me more than anybody else, she has no clue how lucky she was that I decided to walk home (and I collapsed and fell asleep from exhaustion as soon as I got home)
 
I think your take on this is pretty accurate. Women can go to a big box store and get footed sleepers in their size. Men can't do that.

Society is more open to women being 'little' or 'cute' than men as traditional gender roles don't conflict as much.

I don't think this is good or healthy and it is changing in many parts of the world, but it still exists based on geographical location and one's age.

Though I am pretty much 'out' in many areas of my life, I have areas of my life where I still need to be seen in a certain way.

I love 'cute' and 'innocent' but when I am making decisions that impact the lives of others, people want someone who will 'go to battle for them', not 'go to bed with a bottle and a puppy stuffy'.

Great thing is that we can be / have both. What I do in my private space is my own choice. It reduces my stress and gives me the energy to be what I need to be in other areas of my life.
 
So… Excuse me if my trans girl, MtG, opinion isn’t wanted it welcome, or felt to be relevant. But I think all of this does factor into it, and perhaps with my being raised as a boy and later transition, I can be of use as a sort of middle of the road.

The cultural expectation is indeed a factor. I grew up being sensitive and crying easily, and was always being berated for it. I would come home crying after bullying, but my parents gave little advice except to “grow a thick skin”. Sometimes I would use self defriciation to steal the thunder of the bullies, but it was an issue that lasted for much of my childhood and early teens. I understand the need to be strong, to have a “stiff upper lip” though that exact saying wasn’t common in my family. My dad drank and smoked. He wasn’t abusive, just unfairly angry when he had a hangover. But it was always that way. Stop crying, grow up, be a man, grow a thick skin.

Here is where I began becoming a little. I refused. I built a wall around myself. Why? I saw the embers of my childhood and innocence, and was horrified of letting that be taken from me. So I walked myself off and isolated myself. Better to have none but 1 or 2 somewhat friends than risk exposing myself to all. In the end I exposed myself to none. Who could I trust not to try and crush that deepest most delicate part of myself? No one. Not for years and years would I begin tearing down my own walls. I realized locking my inner child in a mental closet to protect it was child abuse and neglect in some ways.

So here is why I think more men are ABDL’s than women. Men are more likely to have to struggle harder to preserve their innocence. And when you struggle to protect that, you slowly regard it as more precious, And more sacred. I think that is a major factor here. Not the biggest, but a large contributing factor. Most girls don’t have to fear having that taken from them for the most part, and so it doesn’t become as precious to them. But I can’t say that for sure. It could also be a sort of reverse gender role issue, where women feel more guilty for being a little. The old stereotype that a woman takes care of the family and their guy. Again, none of this is statement of fact, merely speculation.

As for girls growing desensitized… I don’t think that would be entirely a factor. It could also be said that though constant changing of diapers that diapers simply no longer bother them, and so they are less reluctant. I can voice for this. I have changed hundreds of my nephews diapers, and so even though I haven’t in years, I’d quickly pick back up the desensitization.
 
My interest in diapers goes back to age 3-4. I'm doubtful that as clever as I was that this was the result of internalized rebellion against male societal roles. Still, there could be something to it. I think I was more drawn to diapers and baby things as taboo elements. These things weren't taboo for girls but they weren't cool at my age for boys.

It would be interesting to see the rate of ABDLs in a population and if the flavor of ABDL was more prominent in one time or place than another. As I got older, I saw expectations change and it was more common for boys to be expected to help with child care. Did that culture change result in changes in the ABDL demographic or was it just handy because they now had better access to diapers? Interesting questions but I doubt we'll have answers any time soon.
 
I'm not saying that girls are 'desensitized' to diapers and baby things; however, many girls grow up as 'little caregivers' and diapers are always around in one form or another. For many boys, on the other hand, diapers disappear as soon as they're toilet-trained. I think it's quite natural that some boys develop an attraction to diapers and being babied whereas relatively few girls do.

I just don't think societal expectations play that big a role in the development of infantilism. If expectations were the guiding light most people think they are, there would be far fewer of us!

NeverKnow said:
I think males are probably more likely to be aroused by diapers in infancy.

From my own personal experience, I've no doubt this is correct.
 
I guess the trouble with trying to figure out the motivations for this is that we are having to base this on our own anecdotal evidence. ABDL and all of the sub divisions are probably the biggest taboo of all fetishes (if it's even acceptable to call it a fetish). I've been a DL since I was about 8 as far as I can remember and as such it wasn't sexual. I've since gotten into or experienced plenty of other fetishes all of which involve relinquishing control of some kind which fits into my ABDL side but of all of them the one I would be most mortified of other people finding out about is the ABDL side. This is true for most of us so trying to find repeating patterns is difficult but I would agree with all of the opinions shared so far.

For my part I come from a large extended family of mostly men. I'm one of 3 sons of my Dad who is one of 6 brothers. It's a fairly typical working class, macho, sports loving family. The boys are raised to be men and chastised if they are anything other. I've been in sports teams since I was young and was one of the brightest in my school. I don't know if my ABDL side is some sort of release of pent up testosterone or if it's something else. What would be interesting for me personally, would be to find out how many other ABDL'S would consider themselves to be, or have to be an alpha male or female.
 
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While I'm not saying every case of male ABDL is the same, I think the initial reason I posted could be a factor for many of them. But I don't know. It's been so interesting to read all your theories!!

Anyway, I agree, male sexual genitalia make it much easier for boys to be aroused by diapers than girls!!
 
I'm not trying to be contrary here... I do go along with the concept of adult females having to deal with body cavity smells, etc. Baby girls have hymens, so not an issue as infants. I also go along with the societal roles & roleplay, that almost certainly conditions boys/girls differently. I also tend to go along with the concept that boys are supposed to be stronger, tougher, etc., and that this pressure might cause boys to regress towards more "caring" times, when they could relax, and be taken care of, BUT, that doesn't explain someone like me, that started when they first tried toilet training on me. I didn't like it! I wanted what I once had, the baby life. I hadn't had time for the male conditioning boys go through. I was, in effect, that blank slate. And, that's my point here. I truly believe that girls are also that blank slate, in the infant/toddler stage, and it's probably only their female conditioning that steers them towards the caring position in life, with their baby dollies & diapers, babysitting, etc. Point is, we we're all the blank slate, AND, I'm suggesting that there's a distinct possibility that the number of abdl males & females is closer than seems evident. So, why the difference in "apparent" numbers? In the past, I'd have attributed it to males tendencies to embrace technology sooner, becoming computer savvy earlier. I started Fortran programming in 1978, but it took about a decade for me to afford my first 286-AT. Once started with desktops, it wasn't long before I was BBS'ing, diaper chatting, and learning all about the computer kingdom, as much as pursuing my diaper desires. I didn't know any women that were computer savvy, at that time. But, times have definitely changed. Now, we've all got the technology in our pocket, or purse, and that leveled that playing field measurably, to the point where it's harder to see the differences anymore. Women are here. They're on FetLife. They love wearing diapers. They live regression. They want daddies to take care of them. So, it becomes less and less clear, if there really is a huge difference in numbers, or, whether it's tech related, or shyness related, or related to issues with periods & hygiene. I really don't have a clue, but I'm very happy to see that women have the same tendencies as men, for the most part. Of course, there's also the obvious part, where women get pounced on by men, and, thus, they tend to retreat more, and probably make up a bigger part of the lurker community. I don't think there's any easy answers, but I tend to think we're more alike than you can imagine, or find evidence for.

But, that's just me...
Jamieboy
 
I've been finding more and more of the ABDL people I meet have been male, some trans women (MtF), but only a few cis women, and even fewer non binary. Granted, that doesn't really mean much; I live in the San Francisco bay area and people are much more open to identifying as they wish. *shrug*

As for me, a cis woman, what drew me into ABDL, and really even littleness in general, was the fact that I was forced to grow up way too fast and was taught that my emotions were over the top or unimportant. Yay for emotional abuse! /sarcasm... anywho, I was definitely conditioned into the caretaker role as a woman, despite being the youngest with two older brothers. I kind of attest my childhood abuse to my want for regression and comfort. I want to be taken care of and experience the emotions I wasn't allowed when I was a child.

That's just me, though. Everyone is different!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk
 
I'm not entirely convinced the there is that much of a disparity in the numbers. Having lived in both gender roles. Like the song says... I've looked at life from both sides now. And the thing I've really noticed in how our society rases boys and girls is how much more "Aggressive" we rase boys to be.
"Get out there. Tackle that quarterback. Win that game. Winners date the head cheerleader."
Where as girls are raised with a much more causes, defensive, even timid approach.
"Be carful young lady. The world's full of reappests and kidnapers. Don't post to much info on the internet."
And the way your average horny net geek acts when ever a feminine nick appears in a chat or on a bulliten bord, just helps mother's argument.
And yes I know I'm "embellishing" a bit. But not that much so really.
I PERSONALLY suspect there are just as many ABGs out there as there are ABBs. But most aren't going to stick there heads out of the closet.
 
I'm a female adult toddler and I have never thought of it as a gender thing. I just do it because being a kid is more fun than being an adult, so why grow up?

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AmiPanda said:
I've been finding more and more of the ABDL people I meet have been male, some trans women (MtF), but only a few cis women, and even fewer non binary.

I am cis female
 
AmiPanda said:
I've been finding more and more of the ABDL people I meet have been male, some trans women (MtF), but only a few cis women...

In a word, FetLife
 
I was a DL before I was a Little. I was potty trained before I was 2 years old, so I have no recollection of wearing diapers, potty training, or having accidents. My diaper fetish was originally an outgrowth of pee-play. I began to incorporate some AB stuff experimentally, and little by little the fetish and identity transformed from completely DL to primarily AB. Why?

For me, regressing is a safe and pleasurable way of exploring the parts of me that I have rejected and subdued for so long. Being dependant, unself-conscious, relaxed, and childish are the antithesis of what is required of me in my daily life. I work in a hyper-masculine, homophobic, physically uncomfortable, exhausting, stressful, and very dangerous environment. Being diapered and cuddled and nurtured and cared-for, while expressing my childish desires and participating in babyish activities in a non-heteronormative environment is so freeing. Regressing creates such a beautiful, blissful, relaxed state of mind.
 
I for one think its about being a mother which is genetically connected with being a girl or woman. They are far more connected to the thought of being the one who cares, nurses, diapers a baby. I think this will in most cases prevent a diaper fetish or little personality to build.
 
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