Time to spill it all out

So far, I am loving this site. I love how understanding and compassionate everyone is. I am struggling immensely right now with acceptance. Sometimes I don't have an appetite and sometimes I have panic attacks because I am so worried, scared, and ashamed.

Right now, I'm not really looking for advice. I just need some validation, acceptance, and hugs from you kind folks because this stuff is really hard to come out with and I'm scared!

So here it is:

- I love wetting and messing diapers. It is very soothing, and it turns me on sexually. It's also a sexual turn on to see women doing the same thing. (nothing new to anyone on this site)

- I also love sitting in my mess and squishing it down, as well as seeing women doing the same thing. (sorry for the mental picture, I just needed to be able to tell someone about it, and I figured this is the place to do it.)

- I am very curious about cross dressing. I have only tried it a few times when I was a teenager. When I was in the laundry room, I found some of my sister's bras and panties and tried them on. (god, that is so embarrassing, please don't hate me!) It felt soooo incredible. Sometimes when I was home by myself, I went to her room and wore her bras and panties for a while. I felt so much guilt and shame that I was doing it with hers, but I really had no other way of trying them. I lined the front of the panties with lots of toilet paper and masturbated in them. I had a tremendous amount of shame, but I just couldn't help myself. The urge was way too powerful. I at least had the decency to put them in the washer and dryer after so they were clean.

I also have a bondage fetish that is very powerful in my sexual makeup. It is a huge turn on to see women bound and gagged. Not being abused, but when she is enjoying it.

The fact that I have multiple fetishes just magnifies the shame. I just feel that much more vulnerable to people finding out. Especially when it comes to relationships. I realize this is probably not true, but I have this irrational fear that no women out there will accept THAT many fetishes.

I have only had sex once in my life, and I feel a lot of shame about that. I feel self conscious when people talk about times they have been with girls, because I feel like they would judge me and think it was pathetic that I am almost a virgin. It's strange because I am a good looking guy and have had women attracted to me, but I think my insecurity and anxiety has prevented me from having a close relationship with a girl.

I need reassurance that I am just a regular guy with regular hobbies. Just like anyone else, I like going out to dinner with friends, going to shows, museums, playing the guitar, ect.

Intellectually, I know that these things are normal, harmless, and even healthy to indulge in if you have them. I know they are nothing to be ashamed of, but I need the help of you kind souls to help dissolve this nasty shame and embarrassment, and start accepting and embracing myself once and for all!

Sounds like your starting to accept yourself, having multiple fetish is nothing to be ashamed of. I am a DL and also like orthopaedic braces. You sound like a regular person with normal hobbies. It may take time to accept your fetishes and once you do you won't feel so ashamed. I think my fetishes are a substitute for sexual relationship. I've only been in two average relationships but never had sex.

There are plenty of us with different kinks etc. While I would never call what we do normal (i.e., the "norm",) that doesn't mean we should feel bad about it! I wouldn't pathologize it either. Being unique is something to be proud of, not ashamed of. If feasible, try seeing a supportive therapist. If not, find some good self help books that focus on self acceptance/self love. I can't think of any that I can personally recommend, but did a quick search and found one that looks to be good: "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are".

great post, i feel very similar with a lot of that stuff, and im new here too and hope this can be a good place to read and feel less alone about things. Just went out early this morning to buy more diapers, i still feel shy about getting them but happy to have them now!

Kinks and fetishes are usually nothing to worry about. They don't hurt anyone else.

Sometimes they can indicate you have low self-esteem and/or shame issues which is more of a problem - but it doesn't sound like that is the case here.

As others have said - you are just as normal as the rest of rest.

My cross-dressing story: My sister is 5 years younger than I am so her clothes do not fit me. However, one day I did try on one of her one-piece swimsuits and played in the shower a bit. On the other hand, I did try on my mother's clothes several times while she (and everyone else) were out of the house.

Glad to hear you were considerate and washed the stuff after you did your activities in them. XD That would have been the -real- awkward conversation, wouldn't it? At least you weren't like my brother and leave the mess in the carpet in the bedroom. Yucky. And it was my bedroom! He kept his dirty magazines hidden under my mattress. I was like...eight at the time. And when my mom found them, he said he didn't know where they came from. Like, dude, the only other person who goes in there is the eight year old girl that lives in there. And she sure isn't interested in booby magazines. XD

Nothing you're talking about is new, or hurting anybody, so I'd say that's pretty good. :3 You'll find there are lots of folks around here who have 'different' normals.

Super good post!

I think letting it all spill out is acceptance in itself. You may have just to exhibit your kinks a bit more and be true to yourself. I know you said you feel shame, but perhaps that shame is to be embraced via kinks.

"Omnia Extares"
"Homo sum humani; nihil a me alienum puto"

Thanks everyone for the kind words! Reading this stuff and hearing over and over again that there are other people out there just like me is going to do wonders. Thank you again!

Today I am handing out free hugs to anyone that wants one :grouphug:

Afterburner and all I don’t mind the state of your diapee, your gender, your age, your size, your heritage, your sexual preference or lack thereof from any of those identifiers I accept you and want you to be happy, life is meant to be lived.

Being a virgin, having had lots of sex is nothing to do with people you are not intimately involved with, it is your business and your consenting partners business anyone else inappropriately commenting is definitely crossing the line and I consider that a sexual assault.

Argent said:

Today I am handing out free hugs to anyone that wants one :grouphug:

Afterburner and all I don’t mind the state of your diapee, your gender, your age, your size, your heritage, your sexual preference or lack thereof from any of those identifiers I accept you and want you to be happy, life is meant to be lived.

Being a virgin, having had lots of sex is nothing to do with people you are not intimately involved with, it is your business and your consenting partners business anyone else inappropriately commenting is definitely crossing the line and I consider that a sexual assault.

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You rule!!! Thank you so much Argent, that is exactly the kind of thing I needed to hear. Sometimes people just want to throw advice out there, but a lot of times you just need some compassion, hugs, and validation. Thank you for that very kind post!

Please don't waste your life feeling shame not Worth it .
For year I tryed to give this up .
When I accepted my self at 49 what a waist of time.
Your lucky there are so many into kink you have a good chance of being happy.
This may not be the norm but it's normal for us .
I'm not into a lot of kinky stuff so much but others are the trick is knowing when you can and can't indulge in it..
Or who you let into your world of kink.
Hit some munches you may find someone you can be with ok.
Good luck .