Hi everyone,
I see this posted about and talked about often here and elsewhere. For me personally, this is something I was drawn to pre-Kindergarten, so it has certainly never felt like a choice.
I have a biological evolution hypothesis that I think might help explain a part of why something like this happens, but I stress that my intention in sharing this is not to say "this is how it happens" but rather to give some food for thought. I should note I am a scientist/academic, so this is not just me arm-chairing this stuff, but I would never pretend I've corned the market on the origins of ABDL or how it feels (re: a choice or not).
We are mammals and as such the mother-infant bond is a powerful emotional part of our survival. Why? Because lactation is expensive and so there was selective pressure to increase the emotional bond between mother and child. Infants are essentially "ectoparasites" on their mothers and lactation is a huge calorie drain - mothers who bonded emotionally with their infants, and infants with their mothers, were more likely to survive. This goes for all mammals, by the way, not just humans. Okay, great, but how does this relate to ABDL? Because evolution always repurposes things, and when you look at human courtship behavior there are infantile behaviors that manifest themselves as a way for couples to bond, be they gay or straight. So during courtship there is a lot of cuddling, babytalk, holding one another, caressing, and sharing of food, including spoon-feeding each other (here, try this!). This typically results in couples feeling closer and more vulnerable with each other. Now, imagine if for some of us those innate infantile bonding and courtship behaviors had a very strong hold on us - what if we ABDLs are extremely sensitive and excited about these behaviors, more so than is typical. What if we ABDLs are extremes on a spectrum of natural human and mammalian courtship bonding behaviors? Essentially, we get to the point as ABDLs where we are dressing and acting as babies, literally crying out, "I am a vulnerable baby, love me!" At this point, anything that demonstrates baby status, such as diapers, is part of what makes us feel little, vulnerable, and loved.
Having said all of this, keep in mind that we are different, special snowflakes.
So, not everyone is going to respond to the infant-mother bonding and courtship bonding experiences the same way. For many people, this stuff is part of life's experiences but it is not as all-encompassing. Also, we all grow up in different families and have different cultural experiences. So this can manifest itself in a variety of ways. And something to keep in mind, Dr. Rhoda Lipscomb has noted that for many boys there is culturally the experience of getting to a certain age and then being denied or having greatly diminished physical and social affection -- we as boys are often told not to cry, to grow up, to be a man, etc. So, now imagine if you are already sensitive to the infant-mother bond/courtship vulnerability stuff, and then you are also told you can't have that anymore. Layer on to this that some of us had trouble potty training, others were abused as children, etc., and you get different but interrelated ABDL outcomes.
I am no psychologist and again I don't pretend this is THE answer. But I post it here because I'm tired of feeling like we have to act as a community like there is something wrong with us. I don't think there is. We are just extremes in how we project what everyone else does - a need for love and vulnerability. I think this stuff, whatever the real origins may be, is organic and part of the fabric of being human. And so I don't think it's a choice anymore than I think my height was a choice or my orientation (straight) was a choice. I hope for all of us that we can find the love and affection we crave and need and deserve, and that for all of us out there still beating ourselves up over all of this that we find some compassion for the child inside and for ourselves. Not everyone gets this, not everyone is going to love you for who you truly are. But I think we need to recognize as a community that we do deserve love and respect and affection, most of all from ourselves.
Posted with much love and affection for the ABDL community,
Tab