I'm feeling frustrated with myself

So yes, I am a DL who also suffers some incontinence. I honestly think that the incontinence is not a physical problem as much as it is a mental one. Whether it's the DL stuff or my chronic depression. So it is "all in my head" but that's still real right?

I was talking to my ex-girlfriend today. She was asking about my willingness to pay for a dating website, and she said that my biggest "optional" expense was diapers, then acknowledged that it wasn't completely optional. Which is true.

But it leaves me feeling frustrated with myself. Because I think it's mental and I feel like "I should be able to conquer that."

Sorry for asking this in such a harsh manner, but what makes you think it's mental?

GeraldRoss said:

Sorry for asking this in such a harsh manner, but what makes you think it's mental?

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Honestly, it's because my depression sometimes causes me physical pain. So it would make sense that it would fall in with that.

rocketman said:

Honestly, it's because my depression sometimes causes me physical pain. So it would make sense that it would fall in with that.

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If I were you, I'd check with a doctor. An urologist, I mean. Let him run some tests, determine what's wrong...
If no physical damage exists, then you may start combatting the mental side of the problem

GeraldRoss said:

If I were you, I'd check with a doctor. An urologist, I mean. Let him run some tests, determine what's wrong...
If no physical damage exists, then you may start combatting the mental side of the problem

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Oh, I did. Long ago. But I know how mental health can play with your body.

rocketman said:

But it leaves me feeling frustrated with myself. Because I think it's mental and I feel like "I should be able to conquer that."

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Regardless of whether it is physical, mental, or a little bit of both, you are not at fault for having a problem, nor have you in any way fallen short for having been unable to address it on your own. What should make you feel otherwise about it? Mental issues are no less real nor less serious than physical ones (and often the two cannot be entirely separated anyway; the body and mind are, after all, cohesive and codependent), and aren't any more under your control generally (else they wouldn't be issues!).

So let's say that it's a purely mental issue, just for sake of conversation. Perhaps a manifestation of anxiety or depression, say. In such scenario, I'd think the best you could do would be to work on the underlying issues of anxiety or depression — or what issues led to the manifestation of those to begin with — probably with the help of a professional. So long as you weren't just ignoring the problem and (literally) covering it up with padding, how could you fault yourself? While I can't belittle the healing potential of sheer willpower and "mind over matter", it also only goes so far. It's okay to need and ask for help. ^.^