Starlight99
Est. Contributor
- Messages
- 200
Am I the only one here who had awful parents? I don't mean bad parenting decisions, I mean bad parents. I'm pretty sure there's a thread on here somewhere, but I couldn't find it.
Not to sound like I'm the piss-and-moan type, but here's what I've had to deal with. I had a father who didn't care about anything but himself, and he sat around blowing me off for his whole life. He always accused my mother of cheating on him, and went so far as to slip notes in my door that said "Your mother's a whore," "Your mother has a boyfriend," and more of the like. He always tried to put me against her, going so far as to steal from me and destroy my property just so he could blame it on her and start a fight. He had three kids from a previous marriage that not only couldn't stand him, but turned out just like him, which goes to show that he struck out outside of this house as well. When he died, I didn't even miss him, and I was actually happy to have him gone because I wouldn't have to put up with him and his abuse anymore.
My mother was physically and verbally abusive my whole life, and even though the physical abuse stopped at age 12, the verbal abuse continues to this day. One of the worst things that she said is that I was put up for adoption because my real family knew what a piece of shit I would be, and that the only reason my mother settled for me is because she knew no one else would want me. She told me that story at least once a week, and it always broke my heart. However, at age 11, I found out that my father (who, like I said, had always accused my mother of cheating on him) had secretly ordered a DNA test off of the TV and tested me behind my back, and it revealed that he was my biological father, which makes my mother my biological mother by default. I only found the results in the mail when I recognized the logo on the envelope as being from the same lab that does the DNA tests for The Maury Povich Show. My mother stole the results from me and still refuses to acknowledge the existence of the results or what the results say. She also refuses to take another test, and says that I should just accept the fact that I'm not biologically hers because she couldn't make a child like me. Another great lie of hers is that I have dozens of mental illnesses (including, but not limited to, Autism, Asperger's Syndrome, ADD, ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and a slew of others), and she has used that to both get government benefits and get attention and sympathy from others. As a side effect of that (which benefits her greatly), she uses these diagnoses (which have only been backed up by two doctors who later lost their licenses) as leverage to get people to work for her and/or against me. She also has a really dirty trick that she likes to do: if she's either bored or something isn't going her way, she calls the police and says I assault her. She's had me do things that are beyond reason, including calling one of my father's other children for the sake of getting dirt on her and covering my neighbor's car in snow for parking in an area that my mother considers hers. When I told her neighbor off for abusing her child, my mother called 911 and said I attacked her, and I was arrested for assault, and my mother is elongating the legal proceedings as much as possible. She has cost me almost all of my friendships, all of my family, all three of my jobs (one of which she was jealous at the fact that I earned more than her), and almost all of my money, and she enjoys that. It has gotten to the point that I have even attempted to kill myself to get away from her. No matter what I tell her or how bad she makes me feel, she doesn't care. She'll either mock me for my emotions, justify what she said or did, deny that she said or did something, or fight over minute details that don't matter. She can never be wrong about anything, and that's why the problems have never improved. Not only is she a doctor shopper, she is also a therapist shopper. She has tried to get therapists involved since I was 11 for the sole purpose of changing me to make it easier for her. Every time a therapist set plan for her to improve herself, she called the case manager to say that that person wasn't doing a good-enough job. Needless to say, therapy never worked out. It's gotten to the point that I decided the best way to handle our relationship was to end it, and once she figured that out, she chipped away at all of my money until I couldn't afford to move out, and now she wants to force me back into the rat race of therapy, which as I said, was 7 years of non-productivity. She has no intentions of fixing our family, which is not possible. She wants me to just live by her and for her, and I refuse to do so. I have told her that our relationship needs to end, and that just makes her cause even more problems. This treatment isn't exclusive to me; she does this to everyone. She has a nasty name for everyone, including tons of names that could offend every race, religion, orientation, and disability out there. It's not even a case of "you're black so you're beneath me" or "you're gay so you're beneath me", it's a case of "you're not me so you're beneath me". She's not biased toward black people or LGBT people or mentally disabled people, she's biased toward any person who's not her. In her mind, everyone else on earth is below her, and they all owe her attention and adoration for some unknown reason, and shame on those who don't give that to her. The problem with my mother is partially that, with the other part being that it won't stop. The first step of getting help is admitting you have a problem; since having any problem means that you're not entirely perfect, she can't do that, because in her mind, she has no problems. If she has problems, it's because you're viewing her wrong. Because she refuses to acknowledge that she has problems, she will never change.
My question is how can I cope with a mother like her? Also, are there any other threads on here that I can take a look at?
Not to sound like I'm the piss-and-moan type, but here's what I've had to deal with. I had a father who didn't care about anything but himself, and he sat around blowing me off for his whole life. He always accused my mother of cheating on him, and went so far as to slip notes in my door that said "Your mother's a whore," "Your mother has a boyfriend," and more of the like. He always tried to put me against her, going so far as to steal from me and destroy my property just so he could blame it on her and start a fight. He had three kids from a previous marriage that not only couldn't stand him, but turned out just like him, which goes to show that he struck out outside of this house as well. When he died, I didn't even miss him, and I was actually happy to have him gone because I wouldn't have to put up with him and his abuse anymore.
My mother was physically and verbally abusive my whole life, and even though the physical abuse stopped at age 12, the verbal abuse continues to this day. One of the worst things that she said is that I was put up for adoption because my real family knew what a piece of shit I would be, and that the only reason my mother settled for me is because she knew no one else would want me. She told me that story at least once a week, and it always broke my heart. However, at age 11, I found out that my father (who, like I said, had always accused my mother of cheating on him) had secretly ordered a DNA test off of the TV and tested me behind my back, and it revealed that he was my biological father, which makes my mother my biological mother by default. I only found the results in the mail when I recognized the logo on the envelope as being from the same lab that does the DNA tests for The Maury Povich Show. My mother stole the results from me and still refuses to acknowledge the existence of the results or what the results say. She also refuses to take another test, and says that I should just accept the fact that I'm not biologically hers because she couldn't make a child like me. Another great lie of hers is that I have dozens of mental illnesses (including, but not limited to, Autism, Asperger's Syndrome, ADD, ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and a slew of others), and she has used that to both get government benefits and get attention and sympathy from others. As a side effect of that (which benefits her greatly), she uses these diagnoses (which have only been backed up by two doctors who later lost their licenses) as leverage to get people to work for her and/or against me. She also has a really dirty trick that she likes to do: if she's either bored or something isn't going her way, she calls the police and says I assault her. She's had me do things that are beyond reason, including calling one of my father's other children for the sake of getting dirt on her and covering my neighbor's car in snow for parking in an area that my mother considers hers. When I told her neighbor off for abusing her child, my mother called 911 and said I attacked her, and I was arrested for assault, and my mother is elongating the legal proceedings as much as possible. She has cost me almost all of my friendships, all of my family, all three of my jobs (one of which she was jealous at the fact that I earned more than her), and almost all of my money, and she enjoys that. It has gotten to the point that I have even attempted to kill myself to get away from her. No matter what I tell her or how bad she makes me feel, she doesn't care. She'll either mock me for my emotions, justify what she said or did, deny that she said or did something, or fight over minute details that don't matter. She can never be wrong about anything, and that's why the problems have never improved. Not only is she a doctor shopper, she is also a therapist shopper. She has tried to get therapists involved since I was 11 for the sole purpose of changing me to make it easier for her. Every time a therapist set plan for her to improve herself, she called the case manager to say that that person wasn't doing a good-enough job. Needless to say, therapy never worked out. It's gotten to the point that I decided the best way to handle our relationship was to end it, and once she figured that out, she chipped away at all of my money until I couldn't afford to move out, and now she wants to force me back into the rat race of therapy, which as I said, was 7 years of non-productivity. She has no intentions of fixing our family, which is not possible. She wants me to just live by her and for her, and I refuse to do so. I have told her that our relationship needs to end, and that just makes her cause even more problems. This treatment isn't exclusive to me; she does this to everyone. She has a nasty name for everyone, including tons of names that could offend every race, religion, orientation, and disability out there. It's not even a case of "you're black so you're beneath me" or "you're gay so you're beneath me", it's a case of "you're not me so you're beneath me". She's not biased toward black people or LGBT people or mentally disabled people, she's biased toward any person who's not her. In her mind, everyone else on earth is below her, and they all owe her attention and adoration for some unknown reason, and shame on those who don't give that to her. The problem with my mother is partially that, with the other part being that it won't stop. The first step of getting help is admitting you have a problem; since having any problem means that you're not entirely perfect, she can't do that, because in her mind, she has no problems. If she has problems, it's because you're viewing her wrong. Because she refuses to acknowledge that she has problems, she will never change.
My question is how can I cope with a mother like her? Also, are there any other threads on here that I can take a look at?