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Thread: I'm so damned frustrated!!

  1. #1

    Default I'm so damned frustrated!!

    So, I didn't quite know where to put this, and although someone might say "do a search next time" (assuming a search will always produce the results relevant to my situation), I want to ask some serious questions about things & situations that I may or may not have some degree of being unique in.

    I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but before I get to my questions, I want to make it known that I've 1) never been truly in love, 2) never had a girlfriend, 3) never been kissed by or held hands with a woman that wasn't my family member or relative (and no, my family as far as I know is not incestuous), and lastly I'm a complete virgin.

    I've also got severe social anxiety, I'm highly introverted, and to this day, I've always slept in my bed alone. So, when I say I'm a virgin, I mean it in every sense of the word. I've never had sex, much less done anything else with a woman that was not a member of my family or a family relative or family friend.

    That being said, I've told a few friends of mine about my diaper lover thing, my diaper fetish. The few I've told have all been female friends, and only two are really interested in me as a potential life / love partner. One of them has grown kids. I think two are in high school, and the other has already moved out and has his own thing going. I've been out with her once, but I can't stress this enough that it was NOT a date. It was just friends hanging out.

    The other person I've told has been a really good friend to me for the last 7 years. And during one of our late evening to early morning conversations, one of us brought up the idea of dating.

    I told her how I didn't want to label us going out together as a "date" date. Just friends getting together to have fun. At first, she was ecstatic, but because I had some medical issues going on, along with some parental interference in the way at times, I was unable to go out with her. She took this as a sign that I wasn't interested in her.

    Here's the problem: I like her a lot, and I am really interested in her, but she doesn't seem to get that I'm highly closed up. I don't want to be, but that's just how I am. Every time I've gotten close to a woman or young lady, either I end up having to move, or the other person does. I grew up with a family, led by a drunken ass father, that liked to move more times in a year or two time than some families take their their kids on vacation. So, it was hard for me to be close to anyone. I learned to keep people at arms length so that if & when the time came to move, I wasn't going to be upset any further than I had already been.

    But this is where it gets complicated, I think. Due to all of the moving around, being unable to have long-term relationships (friendships & otherwise), I missed out on MANY of a boy's/man's life milestones.

    It's because of this lack of experience that when it comes down to my health or going out with a friend anywhere, my health or the health of a family member will always come first. It's not that I don't care about her, or her two cats, but I do have to take care of numero uno, i.e. myself.

    I know some people might say that if it's something I want bad enough, I'll make the time for it. The thing is, up until recently, whatever I wanted took a back seat to everyone else's needs & "wants".

    Anyway, I'm not going to ask about how to tell this person about my diaper lover kink, because she already knows. What I do want to ask about is how, while having the diaper thing going, do I stop myself from being at the mercy of certain family members and their "needs" (which are really "wants"), and take back what I NEED (want) in order to do what I want.

    For example, my mother uses my truck to get around for her appointments, and when she asks me if I have any appointments, my first knee-jerk reaction is to say "Well, no, not really!" even though what I WANT (need) to do is be able to use MY TRUCK to get around, and maybe go out with this young woman who has interest in me.

    The reason I post this here, and not talk with my therapist is that my therapist doesn't know about my diaper lover thing. And I've always managed to tip-toe around it so that we can work on the important problems versus... well, this! The lack of my mother having any respect for whether or not I might have plans to *use* MY VEHICLE to go do some things with friends that are fun. Things that aren't essential, but strictly for pleasure & having fun instead of being cooped up inside.

    How do I make it clear that if I want (need) or need (want) to do something? I shouldn't have to beg to use my own got-dang truck to get around. And of course, she likes to say "Well I worry about other drivers" because in her mind, I'm still that newly licensed 16yr old, or maybe a newly graduated high school student, or some other immature age lacking driving experience, and it doesn't help that I have a few legitimate disabilities & chronic health issues. So, she uses that in her logical / emotional argument, "What if you need to go somewhere? Who will be able to come get you?"

    I won't say what those disabilities or health problems are, since I don't want to tip off my real identity (for my own protection purposes), but let's just say I'm a capable driver despite some limitations. I've had only one accident in the last 10 years. I think that's a pretty good record.

    But it just bugs the hell out of me that I'm graciously letting my mother use my truck, and yet when I want to keep it for an extended period of time, she will whine & complain about how she can't go anywhere w/o it, or has to wait until her (part time) boyfriend can come down to her place to "help her" by either taking her grocery shopping, to doctor appointments, and/or to watch her emotional support service dog (not certified), and when her boyfriend isn't available for any number of reasons, guess who is suddenly "available" for her?

    That's right. I suddenly become her dogsitter in a hot car during the summer so that nobody gets the urge to call animal control or local police, because it's happened already once before, and we were told, in no uncertain terms, that if we had someone call on the dog being left in the truck alone, even with the windows all the way down, that they could take away her emotional support dog, give us a hefty ticket, and depending on severity, the police officer said the vehicle, my truck, could be towed and impounded for evidence at OUR expense. So, of course, whenever we (my mother and myself) do go anywhere for shopping or for anything, we have to take the damn dog with us. Because my mother is extremely unsettled at the thought of leaving the dog unattended in her apartment, and having spiteful neighbors calling in to complain about the dog howling or crying because her person, my mother, didn't take her with.

    In essence, my mother is virtually a prisoner of the dog, and then when her "sometimes" boyfriend is reliable-ish, she still wants to be the driver despite it being MY VEHICLE. That I'd like to be able to have more than a couple of days a week, and obviously to go hang out with some friends.

    But she makes me virtually a prisoner of my own apartment when I don't have a way to get out except via bus, and that for me is dangerous with one of my disabilities. More dangerous than if I just were to get in a car to drive. Put it this way, because of my certain disability, walking at the crosswalks to get to the opposite side to reach the bus stops? Yeah, I've been nearly hit a couple of times despite my looking both ways multiple times, and I still end up having close calls with some idiot driver who thinks he's Mario Andretti, or Vin Diesel for the younglings out there.

    I know this all should be addressed with my therapist at my next appointment, but it's hard to have to tiptoe around the diaper fetish thing or diaper lover thing, etc. Any reasonable or helpful advice would be appreciated!



    -James T. Knight 2018
    "Don't forget to wiggle your diaper butt at least once a day!"

    "Be diapered & proud of it!"

    "Accidents happen! That's why we are allowed to buy ADULT diapers!!"

    Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk

  2. #2

    Default

    Wow, that was lengthy... You know, what I understand from what you said and didn't say, that you are... not a very confident person. And that you realise that yourself, which is good.

    What you need to do is steel your mind, heart and soul against your mother needs and desires in favour of yourself. That can be hard. Real hard. As a way around it (having been not a confident person myself) I might suggest, that you choose some strong-willed character whom you like from a movie/game/book of your choice and apply his behavioural patterns, his "mask", to yourself. It may take time. Eventually, through this "mask", your own inner strength should build up and the mask will become unnecessary.

    Sorry for this almost esoteric answer, but really, the only thing you can do is to start enforcing your own will upon others, not bending to theirs. Don't overdo it, though... =)

    And one more thing. I don't know what kind of disabilities you have, but you seem to approach them in a very fatalistic and very tense sort of way. I think (forgive me for talking about things I don't know), you should be more relaxed about whatever problems you have, more carefree, if I may say so.

  3. #3

    Default

    Here's what you say. You tell your therapist that you grew up in a family with an alcoholic father and had to move around a lot, and that led to you becoming closed up. Now, you have a problem connecting romantically with someone because you never know when you'll have to go. That problem is made worse by the fact that your mother uses you for both rides and dogsitting services, and results to manipulation and guilt-tripping when you try to provide for yourself. Then, ask the therapist how you can handle both your love life and your relationship with your mother. Hope that helps!

  4. #4

    Default

    From my personal experience, I think you may be overthinking the whole situation. Find something calming to do (other than the ABDL stuff) so you can straighten out your needs and wants, and make a plan. For example, if I ever find myself in a complicated situation, I take an hour or two, light up a cigar and have a glass of scotch. I agree with everything Gerald Ross said.

  5. #5

    Default

    Lol we're not all Orson Welles sitting there with our cigar and our drink. When his mother calls him for another ride and guilt-trips him, the glass will turn into a bottle.

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by BlueSky View Post
    From my personal experience, I think you may be overthinking the whole situation. Find something calming to do (other than the ABDL stuff) so you can straighten out your needs and wants, and make a plan. For example, if I ever find myself in a complicated situation, I take an hour or two, light up a cigar and have a glass of scotch. I agree with everything Gerald Ross said.
    Thanks! That was very helpful of an answer, and I appreciate it!

    -James T. Knight 2018
    "Don't forget to wiggle your diaper butt at least once a day!"

    "Be diapered & proud of it!"

    "Accidents happen! That's why we are allowed to buy ADULT diapers!!"

    Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by GeraldRoss View Post
    Wow, that was lengthy... You know, what I understand from what you said and didn't say, that you are... not a very confident person. And that you realise that yourself, which is good.

    What you need to do is steel your mind, heart and soul against your mother needs and desires in favour of yourself. That can be hard. Real hard. As a way around it (having been not a confident person myself) I might suggest, that you choose some strong-willed character whom you like from a movie/game/book of your choice and apply his behavioural patterns, his "mask", to yourself. It may take time. Eventually, through this "mask", your own inner strength should build up and the mask will become unnecessary.

    Sorry for this almost esoteric answer, but really, the only thing you can do is to start enforcing your own will upon others, not bending to theirs. Don't overdo it, though... =)

    And one more thing. I don't know what kind of disabilities you have, but you seem to approach them in a very fatalistic and very tense sort of way. I think (forgive me for talking about things I don't know), you should be more relaxed about whatever problems you have, more carefree, if I may say so.
    I appreciate your response, and your candor. It is true that I'm not always confident with saying what I want to say, because I don't want people, especially my mother, comparing me to my dad if I say I want something that is totally selfish, or as my therapist says it, doing some "self-care". She also said that there's a way to be assertive rather than being manipulative or aggressive like my late father. I haven't quite mastered the assertiveness, but I'm working on it.

    I like to say, "I'm a continuing work in progress!" Because thinking I'm perfect would be a little narcissistic like my late father or my idiot older brother.

    -James T. Knight 2018
    "Don't forget to wiggle your diaper butt at least once a day!"

    "Be diapered & proud of it!"

    "Accidents happen! That's why we are allowed to buy ADULT diapers!!"

    Sent from my SM-G955U using Tapatalk

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