RandomUsernameDL said:
Okay, so I am having struggle with my self-esteem. I've been a DL for quite some time. (Around 5 years.) And ever since I bought my first pack, I knew that it was something that I liked. Wearing diapers, for me, is distressing and helps me relax a bit more. But recently I've been beating myself up about it. I'm beginning to feel ashamed and guilty about wearing diapers. I've tried some online consulting while remaining anonymous, and I've been reading countless threads here on ADISC, and everyone has the same conclusion; That it is best to get self-acceptant about it, and stop trying to quit wearing diapers because this would put you into a binge-purge cycle.
-So I guess my question is; How do I accept the fact that I am a diaper lover, and that I can't quit wearing, because the urge just will come back even stronger?
Best regards.
-Chris.
Unless you've done something incredibly wrong, which it sounds like you've not, then you have nothing to be ashamed of. Forewarning, I'm not a psychologist or psychology major in college. I'm a computer support technician by trade and hobby, but some of it does involve knowing at least psychology 101 on some basic level. With that said, what you MIGHT be feeling.... and I deeply emphasize the word MIGHT, is that you feel as though you may be letting down your family and/or friends by indulging in a fetish that they neither know about nor would they understand (in your mind) if they found out.
How do I know this? I struggle with the same thing. I can count on one hand how many people know about my diaper wearing fetish, which lately has become almost a necessity for reasons I don't wish to share, and that does worry me more than makes me feel less self esteem. That small handful of people that know are two female friends, two female cousins (one of which is now deceased, God rest her soul), and ONE of my two parents. Of which one is now long deceased, but he was (I hope) never made aware of my DL fetish. Though he could have been suspicious of it since I did let him in on knowing that I enjoy the sight of women wearing diapers. So, it's very possible he knew. But he never led on to have me know that he knew.
So, the thing to remember is that unless you've done something illegal, or otherwise engaged in some highly criminal activity, you have no reason to feel ashamed. However, if you've had anything similar to my own childhood, you may have felt ashamed at being a bedwetter far longer than what your parents expected. If your parents were as emotionally and psychologically abusive and manipulative like mine were (and the surviving one still is to some degree), you may have been manipulated to believe you were the only known child in the world by your parents' estimation of being the only 7, 8, 10, or 12 yr old who wets the bed.
It's a form of verbal abuse that does happen far too often, and far too common does it happen to children who are told it is a disorder that they SHOULD have a measure of control over at their ages. This is not true in many cases, and is a treatable thing with therapy & some medications. But that's not the issue here.
Without knowing your own past, I can only speculate that if you've had a similar experience of being told you are or were well in control of your bedwetting, and have been physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and/or a psychologically abused or assaulted for having wet the bed that was in fact out of your control, then it's possible that the shame you feel is unfounded, and mistaken for feeling like you're not normal in a world that demands conformity. A world painted vanilla over a much more brilliantly colored canvas of our real world.
Also, just a guess, but it can also be that if you're like some of us who are either single by either a chronic nature or have been divorced into singlehood, etc. Or like me, a complete and total virgin, you could be feeling anxiety towards a potential meeting of a date, or perhaps a future sexual partner, or even beyond that a potential future Mrs. "Chris".
Whenever I've been, in some form, falling for a woman that I had hoped was a potential date, perhaps more, I felt anxious that she could potentially find out about my fetish due to my family members having rather big mouths, especially when intoxicated or heavily drunk, telling people about some of my more embarrassing experiences as a child. Some of which include being forced into diapers for bedwetting.
Which is why I've remained hesitant to be romantic involved with women to any extent until I'm sure some family members and/or relatives can keep their mouths shut about such things. Or at least know where to draw the line on telling tales from "The Embarrassment stories of one James T. Knight, vol. 1!" Book.
Anyway, again that's just a guess. But like I said, unless you've done something ridiculously wrong in terms of the law, or have been caught up in some kind of criminal investigation, then you have nothing to be ashamed about.
I hope that helps. Feel free to private message me if you want to talk. It helps talking about what makes us feel these things such as shame, or self esteem issues, or even anxiety over potential future dating or relationship issues involving your revealing being a DL.
Regards,
-James T. Knight 2018
"Don't worry about anyone other than yourself, and always be happily diapered!" -JTK 2018
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(Pun very much intended.)