I'm so sorry that your time was wasted.
(If you don't like cuss-words, go to another pansy thread.)
Horrible things happen in peoples' lives, and in mine, I've been fortunate, but today, something awful truly did happen -- I went to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
When the movie was said and done, I would have rathered my family die in a horrible car accident than watch that movie. I would have wanted a thousand innocent children to die of undiagnosed diseases than watch that movie. I would have gladly watched puppies, kittens, and giggling infants get eaten beneath a rusty chainsaw's hungry blades than watch that movie.
I'd rather watch a dog anally fuck itself with a frozen turd in the shape of a paper-mache dildo shit out of a retarded hermaphrodite's shitty vagina than watch that movie again.
If there was some sense of precognition that I could have had, I would have hung myself with the rotten intestines of a boar and have jerked myself off into a bucket of molten lava than see that movie. I would have gouged my eyes out with giraffe-boners than witness that insufferable mockery of horseshit and mudfuckery.
I would have let myself get butt-cutted by a million knights in shining armor until my asshole became rotten cheese and my bowels released liquid feces.
This movie was shit. While I didn't go into it expecting much, I came out of it wishing I could have erased it out of my memory, or that I could have at least given oral pleasure to every fat man and woman in the theater so that way we could have all enjoyed something.
If any of you think that this movie was good, you should
a) admit that your taste in movies sucks;
b) ask someone to punch you over and over in the dick until it becomes mashed potato or vagina;
c) eat razorblades;
d) get a better opinion, because the one you have is just fucking broken.
"Dawes, you're being so vulgar," you might be thinking, but you would be too if you could have done something more productive with your time than watch that movie, like torture innocent bystanders or stick shattered glass inside of your pee-hole.
Whatever you do, I implore you, don't see this bullshit movie.