I’m feeling little almost all the time

I have realized I’m childish really big part of my time. When shopping in a supermarket I look at baby stuff and toys and buy fruit baby purees. When I go somewhere with my mother I follow her, a little bit behind her letting her take the lead. Sometimes when shopping I hold the side of the cart.

When walking in town I look at kids and keep thinking: I wish I had his imagination. I wish I were forever as young as she is. I wish I could waddle in nappies like that cutie. So on.

Sometimes when walking to my therapist I realize my tongue is sticking out, trying to catch snowflakes. Or in summer I might realize I stepped only on white parts of a pedestrian crossing.

At home, at my parents, at my grandparents, in hotels, almost everywhere not exactly public, I have my plushie bestie with me. I might cuddle him, write stories with him, read with him, watch tv, or just hang around with him.

I have no real interest in my peers. At the day activity centre I’m alone in my own worlds or talking with the adults about cartoon mugs or chocolate egg surprises or I might tell about my plushies, so on. I mean I and many clients are adults too but I meant the professionals who are usually 30+. I see and experience them as uncle, aunt, mom or dad characters and feel safe with them.

My home is... A bit childish. Lots of plushies, some Schleich figures, other figures, coloured picture on a door, TV show posters, cartoon duvet covers, a bit childish jewelry on display... It looks more like a kid’s room.

When being with my relatives I often don’t focus on what they are talking to each other, I just look around or think my own things and then have no idea what’s going on. Often adult stuff isn’t interesting enough.

My childish side is out every day. But particularly in the evening when I go to sleep in a body and cuddle my favourite plushie I feel like a baby.

When really really needed I can seem like an adult for some time, but it’s hard. Feels like faking, it’s really tiring.

Does anyone have same kind of thoughts/habits/etc or are you able to be ”fully adult” when not regressing? Am I like this because of being an adult baby/little? Or maybe these things are Asperger symptoms?

I tend to go through waves of littleness. I may have a very "adult" morning with coffee and a commute and work, and then suddenly feel little when my favorite song comes on in the car or when I get home and see my plushies. Sonic the Hedgehog, Super Mario Brothers, Little Einsteins, and Paw Patrol tend to send little waves quickly too. It can be tough trying to balance these feelings with "adult" life though because I have no idea when they're going to surface. Some days I feel like I suppress my little side all day and when I finally get home I can really just be. It's a beautiful feeling - just wish I didn't have to suppress it for so long. :sweatdrop:

Lumi said:

Does anyone have same kind of thoughts/habits/etc or are you able to be ”fully adult” when not regressing? Am I like this because of being an adult baby/little? Or maybe these things are Asperger symptoms?

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It seems like a bit of that could be Asperger related, maybe the lack of social interest and getting lost in day dreaming, but that also can be part of what helps you experience your little side and express yourself. I can relate to almost all of that at least at some point in my life, however it has been somewhat getting squeezed out of me by the adult world . But when I do actually dedicate some time to my little self, I can still relate quite a bit. Experiencing your little side is going to be a unique practice to you as it is for everyone else. I would suggest trying to get accustomed to pretending to adult if you can, as well as taking interest in others. The world is a tough place to take care of yourself in, and it is easier when you have friends and a job. Don't let the adult world burn out the little in you though.

I definitely do a lot of what you described, to the point where sometimes it's difficult to discern between Little me and Adult me. That probably won't answer whether it's a Little thing or an Aspergers thing, since I may or may not be on the spectrum, but I think it may just be part or your (our) personality. I personally like being able to experience the world with childish wonder and mostly don't care too much what other people might think of me. I can and do act like an adult when I need to, and it works fine, but around friends I tend to not bother. Having friends is important of course, but I agree in that most people my age don't have a lot in common with me. My group of friends are all somewhat unusual people, so I feel comfortable talking about odd stuff with them.

I think as with so many things in life, it comes down to striking a balance. I get away with being immature since I'm still in university, but I know that for certain things I can't run to my mum anymore to have her handle them. If you can find that balance, there is no harm in feeling little a lot in my opinion. You be you, and don't let anyone judge you for it

I relate to many of the things you posted. My apartment too is quite childish in places, my desk has stuffies, pillows & blankets on the lounges but my bedroom is very little themed, a heap of stuffies, colours of pink, purple & light blue, again lots of pillows & blankets. I even have some pink ball lights that string across my bed head.

My BFF is my bear, Dufus. There are friends & family who know I have him but only immediate family really ever see him & he comes with me when I go to a family gathering. I've found over time, due to my mental health, I need him with me.

I get the 'adulting' issues too, hard to be someone you're not, just to feel like you're being normal. I've never been good socially either, much prefer to do my own thing.

And with all that, I too wonder if I have Asperger's. I haven't been diagnosed or anything said to me by doctors but my behaviour sometimes makes me think I am. Maybe ask your doctor next time you see them. I do believe there are tests they can do. It's something I'm thinking of doing myself.