I wish my diapers were still my secret

Status
Not open for further replies.

gnd567

Est. Contributor
Messages
887
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Little
First off, a little backstory. I'm visually impaired/legally blind and unable to drive. I still live at home with my parents because I can't get around on my own and can't afford to live anywhere else. For this reason, I have no real privacy and have to make due the best I can.

Anyway my problem is, no matter how hard I tried, I failed at keeping my diapers a secret. I wish my diapers were still a secret. Ever since my parents found out a couple of years ago when my dad opened my whole case of LittlePawz that were delivered while I was in the shower, there have been numerous awkward moments. Every time a diaper commercial comes on, he starts coughing. Every he hears the word "diaper" he looks my way. Every time I take out the trash, one of them will say "So, whatcha doiin'?" And last night, I was standing in the kitchen, minding my own business, when my mom came up from behind me and patted my ass (something she has NEVER done in my life.) When I asked "What was that?" she responded with "Just checking." I wasn't even wearing at the time but she was checking to see if I was! WTF! So embarrassing!!! It's not funny. It's humiliating and I'm not into that.

And now I'm running low and have to restock again. I hate this most of all because I spend several days in a complete panic waiting for the UPS truck to deliver them when my parents are either out of the house or I am least able to get to the door before they are. Even though they now no better than to dare open my mail again (they don't want to be that shocked again, I suppose), one of them still never fails to say something like "Oh, your SHIT is here" or "Is that your supplies?"

I never wanted anyone to know about this side of me. I'm an extremely private person. I fought off the desire to get real diapers until I was 22 because I was so scared of being discovered. And while we've never talked about it and while they don't seem to think of me as a total freak or anything and they never bring it up directly. I can't help but feel extremely award about it. I just wish it were normal to lie this sorta thing.
 
I can’t speak for your personal family dynamic and the relationship you have with your family, but if you’re legally an adult (and not just barely, by quite a few years), they should really give you a bit more personal space. There’s significant discussion on these forums about ‘being caught’, and ‘coming out’ to people about diapers, but I have to ask how that went in your case if both you mom and dad still drag it out. It just seems quite odd they’d hold onto it for that long.
 
I'm sorry you have to live with all this stress. I think the only solution is to achieve some level of self acceptance. Since they know you wear diapers, you and they have to accept that this is a part of you and a part of how you choose to live your life. It's like saying to yourself, "So, I wear diapers. So what." I think you're parents will reach that conclusion over time. The more they come upon diapers, the easier it should become. Just order your diapers and figure that whatever will be, will be.

I used to tell my wife that I'm having a diaper day today so she wouldn't be surprised if she patted my butt. Of course, she was always accepting so that solved a lot of problems.
 
Tell them diapers are better than drugs.
 
PlotTwist said:
I can’t speak for your personal family dynamic and the relationship you have with your family, but if you’re legally an adult (and not just barely, by quite a few years), they should really give you a bit more personal space. There’s significant discussion on these forums about ‘being caught’, and ‘coming out’ to people about diapers, but I have to ask how that went in your case if both you mom and dad still drag it out. It just seems quite odd they’d hold onto it for that long.
Well, it's not like they constantly bring it up, but they do make occasional references to diapers at odd times or look at me whenever a Pampers commercial comes on and like I said, my mom checked to see if I was wearing the other night. That was the most bizarre of these incidents. I asked "what was that for>" and she just smiled and said "Just checking" before leaving. Receiving my delivery is the worst because they see the huge box and know what it is and my make the walk of shame to my room. The thing is, other than this, we are very close. But they know I'm very private and don't share a lot of information. Maybe that's the problem?

As far as my "discovery" went, it went "okay" compared to many stories I've read about people getting caught. At first they seemed mostly concerned that I might have a medical issue but I told them I didn't. My dad then said "What do you need diapers for then?" I didn't really know what to say. I had been dreading that day for years and feared it would come one day. I'd always said if I were confronted that I'd be honest and upfront about it. But in the moment, I was scared. All I managed to say was "Well... I like them. They help my anxiety and insomnia" and I took the package and headed for my room and have never said a word about it since. That was 2 years ago.

- - - Updated - - -

dogboy said:
I'm sorry you have to live with all this stress. I think the only solution is to achieve some level of self acceptance. Since they know you wear diapers, you and they have to accept that this is a part of you and a part of how you choose to live your life. It's like saying to yourself, "So, I wear diapers. So what." I think you're parents will reach that conclusion over time. The more they come upon diapers, the easier it should become. Just order your diapers and figure that whatever will be, will be.
Thank you. I have pretty much accepted myself and the fact that I wear diapers. Because they know, I no longer keep them locked away. I still keep them out of sight, but if you open my closet door, you'll see bags of LittlePawz stacked up and they've occasionally sen one in the garbage can out back. Hopefully, they're learning that this is me and I'm not going to change (well, except for my diaper.) On a positive note, they've never told me to stop wearing in their house or to get rid of them. Maybe they're on their way to accepting me. I just wish the teasing would stop.
 
It all sounds like just teasing but still not nice as they must see that it is upsetting,,,
 
gnd567 said:
...I'm visually impaired/legally blind...Every he hears the word "diaper" he looks my way.

Just curious, how do you know?
 
gnd567 said:
Well, it's not like they constantly bring it up, but they do make occasional references to diapers at odd times or look at me whenever a Pampers commercial comes on and like I said, my mom checked to see if I was wearing the other night. That was the most bizarre of these incidents. I asked "what was that for>" and she just smiled and said "Just checking" before leaving. Receiving my delivery is the worst because they see the huge box and know what it is and my make the walk of shame to my room. The thing is, other than this, we are very close. But they know I'm very private and don't share a lot of information. Maybe that's the problem?

As far as my "discovery" went, it went "okay" compared to many stories I've read about people getting caught. At first they seemed mostly concerned that I might have a medical issue but I told them I didn't. My dad then said "What do you need diapers for then?" I didn't really know what to say. I had been dreading that day for years and feared it would come one day. I'd always said if I were confronted that I'd be honest and upfront about it. But in the moment, I was scared. All I managed to say was "Well... I like them. They help my anxiety and insomnia" and I took the package and headed for my room and have never said a word about it since. That was 2 years ago.

I totally understand this , i was recently caught and its so weird having my mom look at me in a way. At least you got the courage to tell your parents you liked them , when i was confronted i just froze , all i managed to say was "its not what you think it is" and she asked if im having issues and i said "im fine and there's nothing to worry about". i can't really remember the details as i panicked . Now im contemplating whether to tell her the truth or not.
 
Llayden said:
Just curious, how do you know?

I know what you’re thinking, but legally blind doesn’t mean you just see black. It can be blurred to the point you can’t function normal in life, but you can still see a head turn or motion of things. There are other aspects of blindness where you can make out things, but have dead zones in you vision to make living normal very difficult.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Llayden said:
Just curious, how do you know?

You don't have to be completely sightless to be legally blind. My mom was legally blind due to Macular Degeneration and she had some of her sight left.
 
I have to say so what. So what if they make occasional references to your diapers. It isn't like they are giving you a hard time about needing them.

My wife pats my butt quite often, and refers to me as baby. It doesn't bother me in the least because I've come to fully accept being abdl.

You say you have also accepted it, but it honestly sounds like you still have a ways to go there.
 
Llayden said:
Just curious, how do you know?
I have about 3-5% vision in my right eye, which is enough to kinda see things within about a 4ft range so I can see a little bit, not enough to drive or navigate too well in unfamiliar places but enough to see someone if they're in close range. That and I can "feel" when someone is looking at me. Ever get that feeling? I'm real tuned in on that sorta thing.
 
Slomo said:
I have to say so what. So what if they make occasional references to your diapers. It isn't like they are giving you a hard time about needing them.

My wife pats my butt quite often, and refers to me as baby. It doesn't bother me in the least because I've come to fully accept being abdl.

You say you have also accepted it, but it honestly sounds like you still have a ways to go there.

I don't think being comfortable as an ABDL requires you to enjoy interactions the same with everyone. A mother is not a wife. I'm pretty comfortable with blowing my nose but unless I was disabled in some way, I wouldn't want someone else doing it for me. We can be comfortable ABDLs but still prefer things private and in desired contexts.

To the OP: interactions that tread on personal space can be uncomfortable to address. If it bothers you enough, maybe you should say something. A lot depends on your relationship. I'd probably try something along the lines of, "I doubt you meant anything by it but these things make me uncomfortable. In a perfect world, I'd be keeping them private. It would be ideal if you could just sort of forget you know about these things most of the time."

I'm sorry you have to hassle with this and it's probably awkward for your parents as well. It's an occasional elephant in the room and there's no universal playbook to tell people how to manage it. I think starting from a point of how we deal with other personal, private matters is probably best and then expanding from there as comfort and practicality dictate.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Makubird
Trevor said:
To the OP: interactions that tread on personal space can be uncomfortable to address. If it bothers you enough, maybe you should say something. A lot depends on your relationship. I'd probably try something along the lines of, "I doubt you meant anything by it but these things make me uncomfortable. In a perfect world, I'd be keeping them private. It would be ideal if you could just sort of forget you know about these things most of the time."

I'm sorry you have to hassle with this and it's probably awkward for your parents as well. It's an occasional elephant in the room and there's no universal playbook to tell people how to manage it. I think starting from a point of how we deal with other personal, private matters is probably best and then expanding from there as comfort and practicality dictate.

Thanks. I think that's a very good way of putting it. I would've kept the completely private in a perfect world but since I don't have that option, I'd just prefer we pretend they don't know about them. That'd be fine with me. I'm long over the initial shock of them finding out, it's just the occasional "elephant in the room" situation and I guess it'll eventually go away. And yes, I'm sure it's awkward for them too and maybe I sometimes feel bad about that. I'm wondering if that's what happens to Dad whenever a commercial for diapers comes on TV and I'm around, he feels awkward and starts coughing nervously because he feels awkward. As far as Mom and the butt pat though, HOPEFULLY she was just being playful or trying to make me feel better about the whole thing and not trying to embarrass me because that would be a bit mean. It's not like her to do anything like that. I think as time goes on it may taper off and go away. Hopefully anyway.
 
Trevor said:
I don't think being comfortable as an ABDL requires you to enjoy interactions the same with everyone. A mother is not a wife. I'm pretty comfortable with blowing my nose but unless I was disabled in some way, I wouldn't want someone else doing it for me. We can be comfortable ABDLs but still prefer things private and in desired contexts.

To the OP: interactions that tread on personal space can be uncomfortable to address. If it bothers you enough, maybe you should say something. A lot depends on your relationship. I'd probably try something along the lines of, "I doubt you meant anything by it but these things make me uncomfortable. In a perfect world, I'd be keeping them private. It would be ideal if you could just sort of forget you know about these things most of the time."

I'm sorry you have to hassle with this and it's probably awkward for your parents as well. It's an occasional elephant in the room and there's no universal playbook to tell people how to manage it. I think starting from a point of how we deal with other personal, private matters is probably best and then expanding from there as comfort and practicality dictate.

Well yeah, private is what nearly all of us wan't, but not hidden. It's not like the OP is asking his mom or dad to change him after all.

Take your own analogy. What if every time you tried to buy tissue, or worse yet was heard blowing your own nose. Heaven forbid you try and take out the trash that has, gross, used tissue in it too. And for all of that you get constant looks and inquiries about it? At the very least wouldn't you expect the leeway to use what you need to use- in the privacy of your own room at least? Well, how is that any different from our needing diapers?
 
Slomo said:
Well yeah, private is what nearly all of us wan't, but not hidden. It's not like the OP is asking his mom or dad to change him after all.

Take your own analogy. What if every time you tried to buy tissue, or worse yet was heard blowing your own nose. Heaven forbid you try and take out the trash that has, gross, used tissue in it too. And for all of that you get constant looks and inquiries about it? At the very least wouldn't you expect the leeway to use what you need to use- in the privacy of your own room at least? Well, how is that any different from our needing diapers?

You seem to be advocating a different sort of interaction than you were. It seemed like you were telling the OP essentially to get over it and now I read something much closer to my own thoughts on it. I'm sorry if I took the wrong impression initially. The OP ought to be able to go about his business with minimal spontaneous comment on it. We shouldn't be afraid of it when it is necessary but like other private matters, we often pretend they don't exist when convenient for all involved.
 
I sort of feel the same way as the original post describes, but me being asked about diapers or anything of the sort is kind of rare; especially as the house is essentially just left to me and my younger brother on the weekends (Friday evening/night through Sunday) and my mom is the only one that ever mentions anything.

Basically I just think to myself "oh well" and downplay/ignore comments about diapers; though maybe I will give my mom a very basic talk about it if it comes up again.

By that I mean it's a good, harmless way to relieve stress.
 
gnd567 said:
I have about 3-5% vision in my right eye, which is enough to kinda see things within about a 4ft range so I can see a little bit, not enough to drive or navigate too well in unfamiliar places but enough to see someone if they're in close range. That and I can "feel" when someone is looking at me. Ever get that feeling? I'm real tuned in on that sorta thing.

Thank you, that's what I was curious about. I used to work with a company that employed almost exclusively from a local institute for the blind. Most of them had some vision, but it was exceptionally poor and extremely short range (mere inches for many of them). Yet if I were looking at someone across the room, they would inevitably turn and "look" back at me. I was always curious how some people "knew".

Best of luck with your living conditions. I am always hesitant to share my thoughts in threads like this since I haven't got a clue what the living dynamic and interpersonal relationships are really like. I do wonder though, is it possible that some of what you think is untoward attention due to their knowledge of the diapers is really your hypersensitive awareness of your own diaper wearing habits? I find that we are much more aware of ourselves when it comes to wearing padding, and that can translate into very easily mis-interpreted attention from outside sources.
 
just talk to them about how you feel (they already know about diapers anyway) or move out..FREEDOM!
 
michaelmc said:
just talk to them about how you feel (they already know about diapers anyway) or move out..FREEDOM!
Easier said than done, with only 3-5% vision, in only 1 eye, but still, maybe possible.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top