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Thread: So few Females

  1. #31

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    "Well, just consider online dating in general: There are plenty of well-regarded dating sites with large numbers of both male and female members...just not for ABDL. Weird. Instead, we ABDLs get ABDLMatch (woo-hoo!) and other scam sites that robo-post zillions of fake female profiles to extort membership fees from males. So where do all the real w4m ABDL personals go? Are ABDL creepers somehow more creepy than the ubiquitous vanilla kind? And if not, why are ABDL women more afraid of them?"

    This is a good point and something I've noticed too. Sites tend to be split between dating and non-dating, with no 'safe' (from a woman's perspective) inbetween where you can just spend time chatting about essentially non-sexual things with a whole community and highlight that you are single and looking. It's either actively encouraged above everything else (i.e. ABDLMatch) or actively discouraged (such as sites like this). Ideally, you would have a site like ADISC with a dedicated section for people who are looking to meet someone. That way women can a) make it clear that they are looking and explain what they are looking for and b) if they are approached then they can look through the messages that person has left elsewhere on the site and guage whether they are likely to be a good match and (most importantly) whether they seem like typical 'creeps'. Neither party is forced to pay fees and you can see fairly quickly if an account is a bot rather than an actual person. Unlike men, women tend to judge a potential mate on multiple criteria that most dating sites (certainly the AB/DL ones I've seen) don't consider relevant. Dedicated dating sites also feel a lot more pressured and impersonal, which puts me off. I've tried a couple, but have met most of my past dates/partners through other avenues.

  2. #32

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    As more people come out about TG or non-binary this will get more complex. Cool. Things like does a guy who defines himself as he/him and looks macho and prefers the same, and is a Baby, would that put a different perception into to the mix, as he's not very interested in women who aren't really butch and what about a guy who is he/him but prefers being a girl (me for instance) but without changing his 'preference' for boy over girl, and the boy needs to be macho (a departure from my own perspective ) and the complexity becomes really androgynous at the center. if in fact there's a center. The binary being exploded.

  3. #33

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    Quote Originally Posted by MonkeyFrog View Post
    "Well, just consider online dating in general: There are plenty of well-regarded dating sites with large numbers of both male and female members...just not for ABDL. Weird. Instead, we ABDLs get ABDLMatch (woo-hoo!) and other scam sites that robo-post zillions of fake female profiles to extort membership fees from males. So where do all the real w4m ABDL personals go? Are ABDL creepers somehow more creepy than the ubiquitous vanilla kind? And if not, why are ABDL women more afraid of them?"

    This is a good point and something I've noticed too. Sites tend to be split between dating and non-dating, with no 'safe' (from a woman's perspective) inbetween where you can just spend time chatting about essentially non-sexual things with a whole community and highlight that you are single and looking. It's either actively encouraged above everything else (i.e. ABDLMatch) or actively discouraged (such as sites like this). Ideally, you would have a site like ADISC with a dedicated section for people who are looking to meet someone. That way women can a) make it clear that they are looking and explain what they are looking for and b) if they are approached then they can look through the messages that person has left elsewhere on the site and guage whether they are likely to be a good match and (most importantly) whether they seem like typical 'creeps'. Neither party is forced to pay fees and you can see fairly quickly if an account is a bot rather than an actual person. Unlike men, women tend to judge a potential mate on multiple criteria that most dating sites (certainly the AB/DL ones I've seen) don't consider relevant. Dedicated dating sites also feel a lot more pressured and impersonal, which puts me off. I've tried a couple, but have met most of my past dates/partners through other avenues.
    The notion that pee-panties is a result of overdoses of testerone opens an intriguing lot of possibilities. We could, no matter how sissified, pass ourselves off as Mucho Macho. Flip the entire scene.

    On DPF there were a lot of guys being girls for purposes of cyber. Which is the ultimate version of "sex is 90% imagination" according to Xavier Hollander. One great advantage of known cyber sites is you could stop it right off by hitting Alt F4. or just not participate in the first place. Gender Benders got used to that a long time ago. With cyber it's safer than going to a bar.

  4. #34

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    I think that's a valid point. One of my best friends is 57 years old, a recovering food addict. And getting herself on a diet and back on her feet, and even trying online dating has been hard on her. So many dick pics, etc. And while I am an ace, and have nothing wrong with sex, this is still somewhat repulsive to women who want sex. In my experience, even those with a high libido care more about love and a strong bond than just the physical gratification.

    Maybe it turns women off from engaging in abdl places. Even ABDL has issues. If you aren't into the extreme side of abdl you might be shit out of luck, as many places that initially seem good turn out to have some notoriously extreme members that make everyone uncomfortable.

    And then because women seem rarer, I've heard stories of girls getting online looking for a place to be, only to be barraged with requests to be a mommy. Maybe you guys will say this doesn't apply to me because I am "only a trans-girl" but... It's scary. Ab's especially just want a safe place, not to be constantly asked to shelf their little needs and play mommy.

    Edit:

    Wow I really should have just quoted this, but. . I didn't see it. It covers a lot of what I mean.



    Quote Originally Posted by Zoish View Post
    Edit: I was going to edit some typos, but I accidentally deleted it so this is a repost of the original ^^;

    There are a couple things I've noticed with regards to this observation. Not that this reflects my experience as a woman and an ABDL.

    Firstly, I personally feel really out of place on sites like this. This is more than that there are a couple creepers that hit on you. Since the communities are male dominated, they tend to have a very masculine communication style. I.e. it tends to be more argument focused as opposed consensus focused. When I post about my life experiences or express myself, I have very little patience for my statements being analysed and logically scrutinized.

    I mean, just even look at this sub-forum, or this thread even. This is supposed to be the forum for little girls, but most of the posts are men and sissies. Also, the content seems to be focused of cross-feminity as opposed to simple feminity. I.e. both sissies and little girls could enjoy a thread about cute stickers, but I wouldn't consider posting of it because compared to the other topics here, it would seem out of place.

    Secondly, as pointed out by lilstevie56, women are far more common at actual events. I mean, I'm an event organizer in my local scene, and most of our littles are female. For whatever reason, this particular slice of the community seems strangely resistant to coming out to events. I don't really understand why. Honestly, I'd love to know because we're trying to make our events more hospitable for male ABDLs (right now our leadership is 3 little girls (yes really, that's just the leadership; there were actually more of us than you think)).

    Thirdly, women just don't tend to fixate on diapers as much, where that send to be there primary focus of sites like this. I mean, even on this site I notice many of the women are more into the age play side of things rather than the diaper fetishistic side of it. I can only speculate as to why.

    One of the theories I've been liking more and more is that it had to do with anatomical differences. I.e. having a penis makes diapers both more enjoyable and convenient. When I first heard this theory, I was appalled and insulted, however the more I interact with the community, the more this pattern seems reinforced.

    Also, a lot of women come into this scene from a CGL land particularly a DDLG angle. I mean, I'm a pretty even split DDLG and ABDL, but that's not as common. You'll find DDLG spaces flooded with baby girls looking for Daddies. Diapers are brought up, but they're more of a side topic, and not everyone is into them. Most little girls I talk to who are into diapers do it mostly as a regression tactic. I.e. the diaper makes them (us) feel cuter and more little as opposed to the play being focused on the diaper itself.

    Further, I notice many forums like this are particularly sex negative. Just a look at how many people here identify as asexual. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being ace, I'm just saying it feels alienating to many DDLGs for whom this is sexual. It comes across as prudish even if that's not what's intended.

    Finally, I personally tend not to date ABDL men. This is primarily because there's a strong trend of such men's interest in my is uniquely that I'm a diaper girl. I can't build a relationship on just a fetish. There is so much more to me than just ABDL, but I find many ABDL men fixate on that. I end up feeling like a doll for him to diaper rather than a human in a relationship. This attitude pervades the community even if it's not true of you personally, and it quickly becomes tiresome.

    To summarize:
    - I personally feel out of place in forums like this.
    - Women are common, just not on this site.
    - Diapers tend to be less of a focus for many women.
    - Women tend to gravitate towards CGL communities rather than ABDL communities.
    - I don't like being objectified.
    Last edited by CuriousOne; 19-Mar-2018 at 21:20.

  5. #35

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    I'd like to know what a down to earth, honest abdl switch male has to do to find a woman who is into this who doesn't have major issues outside of the kink world. I totally get what you are saying Zoish and there are issues both ways. My divorce was finalized last week and I am going to look for someone again but honestly I'd prefer to be alone than go through another relationship with a non compatible person. All of my long term relationships were built on the things you mentioned and ended mostly due to non-kink related issues.

    I do go to local events now and I do see females there but it seems to be the same issue there as well as far as being gay or bi. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that but I just want a woman who loves men just like I love women. I also get messages from guys even though I am straight and am 100% clear about that so I totally understand that women get bombarded with men's requests. That totally fucks everything up for the good ones and yeah, I'm a good one but no one would ever know unless they met me for even 5 minutes, even on the telephone.

    So my question is how does a guy find a quality ab/dl female?

  6. #36

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elibean View Post
    Women are out there. We dominate other ageplay communities. If you build a community and women don't show, that's on you. Looking for explanations that put the blame on women isn't going to change that.
    Which ones?

    Also, nobody is blaming anybody. I'm not sure where that impression comes from. We're just wondering whether a supposedly-large group of unseen individuals is imaginary or real. Hey, just think of this like a religion topic! I've watched these kinds of topics over the last few years, and it's been amusing to see the resignation steadily replaced with this odd belief that most of the female ABDLs are some kind of "dark matter" in the ABDL universe. I mean, in astronomy, scientists can see the gravitational influences of dark matter, so it's only "invisible" from the eyeball standpoint. The case for vast numbers of unobserved female ABDLs is considerably weaker in my estimation. Where's the evidence? If these females ABDLs actually existed, trust me, we'd see their gravitational influences!



    Like, I have a hunch that what the OP really wants to know is where are the women caregivers. Give this thread, this board another look with that in mind. Step into a potential mommy dom's shoes and test whether you feel seen.
    Heheh. Isn't that a bit like asking a blind person to role-play a sighted person and describe the wallpaper? That's just...mean. No need to kick us while we're down. I think we've already established that most of us poor male ABDLs either lack the empathy to understand why most female ABDLs would hide from us, or else we possess uncommon skill in the art of denial. So, if you know the answer, please just take pity on us and blurt it out. (Maybe use the spoiler tags, though.)

  7. #37

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    Nonbinary AFAB mostly femme here:

    We're out here, but we're kinda wary in the scene. There is the always present risk of creepers and the other more vanilla dangers, so sometimes we obscure ourselves.

    The tone of places like this was also cited—that's another thing, but it's also hard to tell who's what on a forum. I've been he/his'd several times here, but I'm a ze/zer, not a he. I'd wager this has happened to a few here, too.

    I think the reason most of us go for the cgl side is we want a connection to another person, and just diapers don't do that. I'm wanting a CGL connection too, personally. But, I also like my diapers. They're rather like a security blanket that I can wear.

    If you want to meet a great woman/femme:

    Start by not referring to us/them as "females." This is dehumanizing and you're coming off as an agitated Ferengi.
    Look to make a connection outside of the world of diapers.
    Look at us as whole people, not just things in diapers.

    ...that's all I can think of. It's 0235 hours and I have had no caffeine in 24 hours and can barely brain coherently.

  8. #38

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    I can only speak from my experience as a cisgender girl, so don't take anything of what I say as a generalization.

    I came here mostly to get some information and meet new people, but I sometimes feel that if I actually needed support, I wouldn't really find it here, simply because I have different issues in ABDL than a lot of people here seem to have. I don't need to hide cutesy stuff, wearing ruffly dresses is normal for me, no one even really bats an eye if I baby-talk. I don't wear diapers, but in this forum most people just assume that you do, even if my profile just states Adult Baby. I simply don't need them to regress, sure, they're nice, but I can live without just fine.

    Sometimes I even feel like I can't really give advice to anyone about little stuff, because it's all so normal for me, so i feel guilty knowing that many people on here have to hide everything and be super careful.

    Still, I personally feel mostly comfortable in this forum, even if I can't relate to a lot of topics. But I do understand why a lot of girls wouldn't, or would just prefer other communities that focus more on age play and less diapers.

    PS: I've also had the thought that maybe a lot of girls don't really realize they might be Littles. I know that before I learned what Infantilism is, I never noticed anything different. Sure, I was drawn very strongly towards cutesy stuff and even baby items like toys or pacifiers, but I wrote that off as maternal instinct. That's probably still part of it, but on my own I probably wouldn't have realized that I wanted these items for myself.

  9. #39

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    I am genetically female, but identify as masculine in many ways. Not on testosterone, but have been into diapers since elementary school. I think i also focus a lot specifically on diapers when i post here, because this is the only place i feel safe in writing about my relationship to them.

  10. #40

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    It does feel like we're Whos on the dandelion. "We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here! We are here!" But. . . Why? I read somewhere that female ABDLs are more likely to have been abused. I can see where that maybe true. Maybe we're more likely to know we are how we are, because of a creep? That explains the hyper-vigilance. Also, ADISC reminds me just how bloody lucky I got, to be born a girl, and secure in that. It's not fair! I get to be hyper-pink, and heart clad, and fuzzy pajamaed, so, maybe I don't need as much support?

    The culture here seems to have changed, too.

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