Spouse questions; am I being unreasonable?

Ok, to start I am DL and slightly incon. I wear almost 24/7 and my wife is fine with it. Early on I was just DL and she was not ok with it. I let her know very early in our relationship and basically did it when she was not around. Every once in a while it would cause a pretty good argument, but never came to anything.
We hit a point about 7 years in where she decided she was ok with me wearing as long as everything was kept from the kids or anyone else finding out. Good deal for the most part. During this time I told her that I would love for her to participate from time to time and she did indulge me once, for a few minutes. Fast forward many years, incon came on and I started wearing to bed at night and eventually daytime as well.
I have told her from time to time that it would speak love to me if she would be willing to put on a diaper occasionally. Her response was, “why would I do that?”. I was crushed, but soldiered on.
She has developed a drinking problem that has led to problems with bladder control at night, but refuses to try diapers. Disposable pads and a waterproof pad with a bath towel are her preferred diaper at this time. A week or so ago, she ran out of pads and ended up putting on one of my Tykables overnights.
Imagine my surprise when I came to bed.
I mentioned it a few days later and we had a good discussion about it. I told her that it spoke to me on a deep level and was very thankful. She let me know that it was not intentional, she just had no other option. Since then, she went without the next night and wet the bed and is now back to the pads.

Yes, we both know that drinking to this point is unhealthy and she does need to get to a place where she can stop altogether.

Here is where I am driving myself crazy. She did something unintentionally that spoke to me deeply. Now she is intentionally choosing not to do it again. I can’t fully explain the hurt I feel because of this.

Am I over reacting? I’d love to get the opinion of an SO on this as well. I love her with all my heart and am totally confused by the situation. Is it me being weird?

It sounds to me that there are other deeper issues involved here. She is drinking heavily and it has gotten worse to the point of bed wetting. Before letting her know that wearing diapers "spoke to you", you need to know what is going on inside of her. She is likely escaping something that may be much larger. Work, marriage, kids, who knows what, could be driving her to drink. By letting her know you like her to wear, only compounded the issue since she is clearly against the whole diaper thing and would rather potentially wet the bed than wear again. I can only recommend talking this out, preferably with a therapist, so that both of you are on the same path of understanding. I do hope you can work this out. Be supportive and don't push her to diaper wearing. That will just push her further away from you.
Good luck.

Thank you for your reply. It is good to get a different perspective. We do need to have a candid talk about what triggers her drinking and how to help her through that.

She has tried the depend silhouette when it first started, but they did not work well for night use. The pads work pretty well for the most part and the bed rarely gets wet these days. I need to help her get the the bottom of the need for alcohol and find a way to recovery for her.

Tonight we talked about her drinking and the motivation behind it. Apparently, life is good, she just like the taste of vodka and feels a need to “shut down” at the end of the day. Not sure what to think about that. Maybe I’ll join her tonight.

anton said:

Tonight we talked about her drinking and the motivation behind it. Apparently, life is good, she just like the taste of vodka and feels a need to “shut down” at the end of the day. Not sure what to think about that. Maybe I’ll join her tonight.

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I would still keep an eye. Vodka is strong and if she's drinking that much...

Yeah, there is a bit of brokenness in her past that she doesn’t really own. My hang up is this. I let her know that she is able to meet a deep need in me when she chooses to wear a diaper. Her initial, sober response is, “no thanks”. What does that say about our relationship? I feel doomed. I can’t imagine saying no to her if she requested something that made me uncomfortable. Sometimes love is just not enough.

I wouldn't sleep with her anymore until she wears protection. I wouldn't want to wake up in urine.

I don't think you're seeing a bigger picture here. your wife has developed a drinking problem. It's kind of strange how you're more concerned about getting your wife to wear a diaper than what caused your wife to turn to alcohol. something "speaking to you" means nothing other than you think you cang get her wearing rather than helping her problem! Learn how to husband.

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I don't think you're seeing a bigger picture here. your wife has developed a drinking problem. It's kind of strange how you're more concerned about getting your wife to wear a diaper than what caused your wife to turn to alcohol. something "speaking to you" means nothing other than you think you can get her wearing rather than helping her problem! Learn how to husband.

I see two major problems here:

1. Your need to wear and have your wife take part in that does not match at all with the needs of your wife. That can happen. We all want a SO who understands all about (AB)DL and, if not feeling the same, is still willing to participate in all of it. Reality however is that it is much more likely that she does not.

It is a mistake to interpret her rejection of participating in your DL fantasies as a rejection of you. You say that you have found a way to wear diapers around her. I think that is the best you can get. But it does not mean that she does not love you or that she wants to hurt you.

People can't be forced to do things against their will. She has already made clear on several occasions that she does not want to be involved more in DL than she already is. And that wearing diapers does not mean the same to her as it does to you. So don't push her, it will only make things worse. I would even not interfere anymore with her wearing (what, when and why) because it can easily be interpreted by her as if you want to push her in diapers.

Instead focus on the things that you do share. Work on your relationship and on all the things that you have in common, that you love each other for. Don't let diapers get in the way of that.



2. The other thing is that your wife has a drinking problem. I would be very alarmed. Alcoholism is a very serious and deadly condition. I have lived with two people (not my SO's) who were addicted to alcohol and I have seen the destruction it can cause from very close. In my professional life I see the devastating results of drinking almost every day.

This is the problem that should have your attention now. I my opinion, your wife should seek professional help. Go with her to the doctor. If she does not want to go, seek advice for yourself. Really. Take action.

I am sorry if my post feels harsh or severe to you but I am sincerely concerned about you and your wife. Your wife needs your help. I really hope that things will make a turn for the better. I wish you all the best.

I think you're seeing this the wrong way. Your wife is struggling with an Alcohol Problem and you're more concerned about getting her to wear a diaper to bed? I think it's time you both sat down and evaluated the Alcohol issue first, before you even consider tackling the diaper issue. Whether or not her wearing a diaper "speaks to you" is kind of well irrelevant at this point. It's time to talk about the issue that is the drinking.

If you're more concerned about her wearing a diaper than the alcohol then I'm very sad for you. Speak to her about this dude.

Makubird, thank you for your post, it did not seem harsh at all. I really appreciate the perspective. I also feel like some of you have interpreted my words unintentionally. My main concern is my wife and her drinking. We both see it as a problem. However, she is not at a place where she wants or is willing to seek help. We talk about it often.
Her wearing a diaper is also not my main concern, or the overriding want. This is in the “ diaper talk” section, so that was the focus of my post. I apologize for not being more clear.
My wife and I have been together for a few decades and I am a good husband and provider. We have raised our children to be productive members of society and are active in our local community.
The reason for my post was to get out of my head on an issue that is overwhelming for me at times and try to understand where she is coming from. There is no desire to force or coerce her into wearing.

NothingToSeeHere1 said:

I don't think you're seeing a bigger picture here. your wife has developed a drinking problem. It's kind of strange how you're more concerned about getting your wife to wear a diaper than what caused your wife to turn to alcohol. something "speaking to you" means nothing other than you think you cang get her wearing rather than helping her problem! Learn how to husband.

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I don't think you're seeing a bigger picture here. your wife has developed a drinking problem. It's kind of strange how you're more concerned about getting your wife to wear a diaper than what caused your wife to turn to alcohol. something "speaking to you" means nothing other than you think you can get her wearing rather than helping her problem! Learn how to husband.

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I agree with this 100%! As much as I would love to have a bedwetting partner I would NEVER be into it at all if this were the reason.

One thing I forgot to add that may be important. She takes ambien to help her sleep, which is probably the cause for the wetting at night. If she doesn’t drink she doesn’t have a problem. If she does drink and doesn’t take ambien, she gets up and makes it to the bathroom just fine. It’s when she mixes the two that she runs into trouble.

anton said:

One thing I forgot to add that may be important. She takes ambien to help her sleep, which is probably the cause for the wetting at night. If she doesn’t drink she doesn’t have a problem. If she does drink and doesn’t take ambien, she gets up and makes it to the bathroom just fine. It’s when she mixes the two that she runs into trouble.

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It's very risky to take ambien with alcohol, it's probably making her so zonked out she loses all muscle control, and can't wake up anyway when she needs the loo, tell her GP and hopefully they will stop prescribing it,,, if you ever find you can't wake her call 999/911 immediately,

Definetly a bad mixture. Proceed with extreme caution here as you may need to call 911 assuming you are awake as well to help in time. Please try and get her to agree to help soon.

anton said:

Makubird, thank you for your post, it did not seem harsh at all. I really appreciate the perspective.

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Well, maybe it was harsh. I just hope you and your wife will find the help that you both need so much. Good luck.

Might I suggest you both go to an AA meeting? Once your relationship/wife is healed/recovering, and you are more open with each other, you might be surprised what you get. Oh, I'm xtrabulk, and I'm an alcoholic.

Alcohol abuse aside. You have to realise how badly some people see adult diapers as being. Your wife accepted you wearing them, but didn't want to participate with them because of her inhibitions, and personal hatred for them.

Once inebriated, her inhibitions were removed enough to where she decided to try wearing one. Even though it helped her situation, once sober again she relapsed into hating diapers again (similarly to our binge purge cycle). And that's why she doesn't want to wear one again.

Unfortunately, her getting stupid drunk is NOT the way to get her into diapers again.