Wanting to proceed, unsure as to how.

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AddyShadows

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I mean, I don't know if here is really the best place to ask about this, similar questions have probably been asked before, I know I've probably asked similar questions in the past. (Or even made a thread about it and don't remember.)

As we all know at this point I'm trans, MtF. . . I want to proceed with this further but I just don't know how? I want to make myself pretty, I want to wear girls clothes more often and do stuff but the universe keeps throwing stuff in my face stopping it. The farthest I've gotten is wearing girls underwear 24/7 (When I'm not wearing diapers at least lol) since that can't be seen. I don't know how to take that plunge of just saying screw it and going full girl. I worry about the people around me and how my parents and family will react, they're supportive but I feel like I'm too afraid of what may be thought to go through with it. . . Thoughts?
 
littlelodgewrecker said:
AddyShadows, do you remember this old thread;
https://www.adisc.org/forum/showthread.php/88123-Looking-for-help-figuring-a-few-things-out#top


it's been my experience that our loved-ones and our friends see only with their eye. in doing so much of what they see is only skin-deep. beyond that they see what they have come to expect of us, in part a reflection of what they expect in themselves i think. ask yourself if the people whom you seek the approval of, the help of.... do you have the same inner-vision of yourself, for yourself, as these people have of you? or do you see a different "you" in your minds-eye.....?

i don't know whether or not it's enough for you to live life dressing as a girl, or if you need an SRS in order that what you see in yourself becomes what everyone else sees in you. the answer to that question is dynamic, it evolves as you yourself evolve in your life's journey. and only you can or will know when you have arrived at that answer.

what i do know is that nobody can see in you anything other than what you are, what they expect.... what stands before them. to change that view you simply must become in reality the personification of what you want or need others to see in you. seeking that personification of your own inner vision for yourself is an individual journey only you can define, unique to your needs. a narrow road for one alone, your road.

none can walk another's path, and none can make other's walk a path that is theirs alone to walk.
your journey starts, your first step is taken, when you realize that no one else can or will give you permission to become what you may become.

fiver.......

That's a lot deeper than any answer I thought I'd get. Also I do remember that thread (After reading it back lol, I didn't remember making it until you linked it, poor memory here.)

I think i'd be happy just dressing as a girl and being pretty but for some reason I feel like no matter how hard I try to do that I'm not sure if I can make my body look the way I want it to. I don't know if its self esteem or what but I just hate my body shape and look, I feel like it would be incredibly hard to make myself look the way I want to look and that's a big part of why I've not really pushed forward as much as I want to.
 
I agree with littlelodgewrecker, but if you're unhappy with your body, you could get hormone therapy. it helps develop the breasts, it slows the growth of facial, and body hair, and more evenly distributes fat throughout the body, making you hips bigger. It also softens up facial features. Not to mention it literally makes you feel girlier. No pressure to jump on, but it's worth a shot if you're still unhappy just passing.
 
I think my issue with body image is that with the shape of my body and bones and such I doubt I can get the shapes that I want. I'm not looking to have large breasts or super wide hips, I just want a sort of streamlined body, that sort of perfect inbetween where as long as I dress up like a girl no one would know otherwise but in the event where I have to go to some family event where I can't dress up I can just throw on some sweats and just still be able to be a guy without anyone questioning it. I'm only 5'4" and I have a pretty good idea of how I want my body to look it just seems impossible to get there (Even though if I exercised a bit I'd probably be closer to it)
 
I wonder if there is a transition support group where you live? It might be helpful to talk to others face to face who are dealing with the same issues as you are.
 
Greetings AddyShadows. I'm 53 MTF. Been on hormones 3 years. Speaking from experience. Talk to your Dr about it. Let him/her/them know that you're considering Transition. Do not hold back, you'll only be hurting yourself. Also get a counselor that is experienced in dealing with Transgender issues. You need the counselor anyways to get the go ahead for surgery in most states. But my best advice is take a good hard look at yourself. If this is what you really need to do for your sanity, as I did, then rip the bandaid off and do it honey. I knew all my life I was in the wrong body. I waited till I was 48. For me what worked was just to do it overnight. I threw all my male clothes away and started living as a woman that day. Now I'm heading towards surgery within the next year, and the only thing that bothers me, if any, is that I wish I'd have started much younger. Not advocating anything, just saying I wish I'd have spent more of my life just being myself.
Much love honey, it's a rough road but so very freeing.
Best Whishes
Gina
 
dogboy said:
I wonder if there is a transition support group where you live? It might be helpful to talk to others face to face who are dealing with the same issues as you are.

There probably are, I know there's an LGBT center downtown but its a bitch to get to. The location is just not somewhere I can get to on my own and the transportation that I do have (Namely my mother) While she would drive me if it was some sort of life threatening thing, she absolutely hates driving to the part of town its in (Onramps and stuff and a maze of one way roads) We'd get totally lost lol. I'm trying to figure out an easier way to get to the LGBT center or find one thats in an easier location to access. That probably sounds like an excuse but I'd rather not have a car accident because we went the wrong way up an off ramp by accident because of the roads here.

Reginabdl said:
Greetings AddyShadows. I'm 53 MTF. Been on hormones 3 years. Speaking from experience. Talk to your Dr about it. Let him/her/them know that you're considering Transition. Do not hold back, you'll only be hurting yourself. Also get a counselor that is experienced in dealing with Transgender issues. You need the counselor anyways to get the go ahead for surgery in most states. But my best advice is take a good hard look at yourself. If this is what you really need to do for your sanity, as I did, then rip the bandaid off and do it honey. I knew all my life I was in the wrong body. I waited till I was 48. For me what worked was just to do it overnight. I threw all my male clothes away and started living as a woman that day. Now I'm heading towards surgery within the next year, and the only thing that bothers me, if any, is that I wish I'd have started much younger. Not advocating anything, just saying I wish I'd have spent more of my life just being myself.
Much love honey, it's a rough road but so very freeing.
Best Whishes
Gina

I have talked to my therapist a bit about it, though with recent health issues (Wisdom teeth plus an MRI for migrains and other tests) and weather (Can't drive in 2 feet of snow lol) I haven't been able to get to see her lately, that's going to change now that my health and weather issues are out of the way I'll go back to seeing her every 2 weeks like I did before the past 2 months, and she has dealt with Trans patients before but she isn't specialized in that, I go to her because of my anxiety, though so does want to help me with the trans thing a lot. I think my issue is courage. . . which is ironic because I'm not exactly one who hesitates to do things, I usually am the rip the bandaid off kind of person but something inside of me is hesitating. I feel like if i make the plunge I'll be even more lost than I am now, and it frightens me I think. I don't think I'm going to get SRS, I don't think I need it to feel complete (I don't exactly trust the science still on that+I worry I'd regret the decision later since I'm not really upset about my actual sex organs) But I would like to be able to pass outwardly as female. It's a bit funny when i was younger I used to grow my hair out long and people used to tell my sister that I was "An adorable little sister" and would tell my parents "Your daughter is so pretty" . . . Yeah, probably would have been easier back then if I had realized since everyone pretty much thought I was a girl already anyway lol.
 
My mum got my first haircut when some person on the street said exactly that, "Oh, she's so pretty"

I grew up on Air Farts Bases and Texas and sometimes a combination and in a culture which scream Macho Macho Macho to the point you would think they're hiding something. Yeah, it's difficult so far. The patriarchy is falling but not fast enough.
 
Marka said:
AddyShadows,

Taking the plunge is a rather impatient way to go about it; giving a sort of all or nothing - that I've never witnessed, to work out all that well. However, each one of us has to decide (usually by some trial and error), how to go about it for ourselves.

My thought and, the approach that is working for me just fine is; evolve over time - rather than erupt.

You could start out wearing something small such as a ring, necklace or, earrings, that shows your emerging representation of your femininity - rather than hitting yourself and others, with a usually awkward and quite disruptive and unnatural 'ta-da', emergence...

Symbolic things (and, it's all symbolic) like this, can be subtle ques inviting others to begin seeing a different direction for you; and gives you opportunity to naturalize yourself - when you are actually comfortable, calm and, present in your own consciousness... others tend to respond and approach you, that way too.

Be everything that you desire and know to be on the inside first - the rest will come to you and happen in it's time.

I had this response drafted a while ago and just came a crossed it.

My best for now,
-Marka

I never thought about it that way, doing it slowly like that letting it evolve naturally. Hmmm I might have to give that a try, its less daunting than just jumping in.
 
Gosh what a challenge, I feel for you, just a little suggestion, perhaps go to wearing Lady Tena Discreet panties 24/7? that way you would be carrying a little bit of femininity everywhere you go,
 
Pete67 said:
Gosh what a challenge, I feel for you, just a little suggestion, perhaps go to wearing Lady Tena Discreet panties 24/7? that way you would be carrying a little bit of femininity everywhere you go,

Haha, Well I already wear panties when I'm not wearing diapers, and I only get the cutest pink diapers, plus I fit (Would fit better if I exercised tho) into goodnites, I only get the girls ones! :p
 
Wearing diapers and panties are a start - but these are under the cover of male? clothing - consider wearing uni-sex clothing
to slowly move the needle gradually to the other side of the aisle.
Radical changes are usually met with radical confrontations - try to blend in.
There is a lot of help and ideas here at this forum - gradual baby steps in developing all you want to be in your life.
Good Luck !
 
babylock1 said:
Wearing diapers and panties are a start - but these are under the cover of male? clothing - consider wearing uni-sex clothing
to slowly move the needle gradually to the other side of the aisle.
Radical changes are usually met with radical confrontations - try to blend in.
There is a lot of help and ideas here at this forum - gradual baby steps in developing all you want to be in your life.
Good Luck !

I do wear as neutral clothes as I can, right now the problem is jumping from neutral to more feminine.
 
AddyShadows said:
I do wear as neutral clothes as I can, right now the problem is jumping from neutral to more feminine.

Ever so slowly graduate from dark blues blacks browns to greys washed denim with a lighter weight material (female pants are a tad lighter in weight than the male counter parts)
No need to radically jump to PINKS lavender soft yellow and whites.
Think about pull on pants jeggings leggings sans zipper or fly front - pocketless design - you may need a clutch of man-purse at this stage.
Thinking about skirts - think about getting a kilt a man's skirt and using this as a stepping stone to wearing tartan skirts - no dresses at this stage.
Top wear should be altered to match the fashion of the bottom wear.
All this does not come overnight - it may take more than a year to meet the transition period.
Consider footwear and hair styling maybe jewelry earrings to match the forthcoming changes.
Gradually fade in make-up in lighter degrees - hair removal option to be more feminine in looks.
By this time some folks will have noticed the change and it will be what it is hopefully a pleasant
change of the aisle transition. Real friends and family stick it out with the transition - those that
don't are really not your friends - it is your life to lead and work with - Good Luck !
 
babylock1 said:
Ever so slowly graduate from dark blues blacks browns to greys washed denim with a lighter weight material (female pants are a tad lighter in weight than the male counter parts)
No need to radically jump to PINKS lavender soft yellow and whites.
Think about pull on pants jeggings leggings sans zipper or fly front - pocketless design - you may need a clutch of man-purse at this stage.
Thinking about skirts - think about getting a kilt a man's skirt and using this as a stepping stone to wearing tartan skirts - no dresses at this stage.
Top wear should be altered to match the fashion of the bottom wear.
All this does not come overnight - it may take more than a year to meet the transition period.
Consider footwear and hair styling maybe jewelry earrings to match the forthcoming changes.
Gradually fade in make-up in lighter degrees - hair removal option to be more feminine in looks.
By this time some folks will have noticed the change and it will be what it is hopefully a pleasant
change of the aisle transition. Real friends and family stick it out with the transition - those that
don't are really not your friends - it is your life to lead and work with - Good Luck !

Well I do already have some skirts. . . lol, and other clothes. I don't exactly have the budget to transition slowly like that though.
 
I would like to recommend the site Susan's Forums as a great place to ask the trans community for advice. The forum is very polite, welcoming, helpful and active.
 
I can try and give some tips on dressing more feminine with a not-so-feminine body type. Though I probably should start by saying that I am biologically female, so apologies if anyone percieves this as insensitive, I'm just trying to help...
My figure leans more towards a masculine body type, with broad shoulders, wide calves and big hands, so if I dress in neutral clothes, people typically think I'm a boy. Thus, I have lots of experience how to accentuate my body one way or another with clothing.

Tops:
The neckline should show your collarbones. Many men's shirts go up right to your neck, which will make your shoulders look wider. Also don't be afraid to go for shirts with a defined waist: Men do have waists, it's usually the hips that are missing. If you have access to a sewing machine, don't be afraid to alter normal shirts. For t-shirts, the sleeves on men's shirts are often wider and longer, whilst women's sleeves tend to be slimmer. 3/4th sleeves can look elegant and make your wrists look slimmer.
For summer or more festive outfits, neckholder tops are great. They make your shoulders look less broad. There's also those blouses with the sleeves cut off and tapered in a little, those work great too. Again, if you have a sewing machine, you can easily DIY one from an old men's dress shirt.

Trousers
High waistlines are your friend. They will accentuate your waist (duh) and can even make your butt look bigger. Obviously skinny jeans look girlier, but that's also a matter of preference. I used to hate them cause they were always too tight on the calves, but nowadays a lot of them are stretchy and super comfortable.

Skirts
Again, choose ones that sit on your natural waistline. For length, if your legs are anything like mine, I would have them end a few centimetres above your knee or around your ankles (having them end right at my knee or in the middle of my calves makes my legs look like blocks, very unflattering.) Don't be afraid to shorten them a bit, you can even do that by hand, if they're too long on you. If they're sitting too low on the waist, you could try and insert an elastic into the waistband or take them in with a sewing machine. Also: The more volume, the better. Voluminous skirts will make your waist look smaller and your hips bigger.

Dresses
I would avoid bodycon dresses. Those look good on people with a very slim figure, but if your build is broader, they may not be that great. (unless you find one that you really love, which I have, but usually they're a no)
Again, dresses that accentuate the waist are great. Since my ribcage is quite broad, I usually dismiss the dresses where the waist begins on the ribs and search for ones that really sit on my natural waist. Flowy, wide skirts are still great, but you could also search for a more tunic-like dress to wear with leggins and wear a belt with it. Neckholder dresses also make your shoulders look very nice.

Hairstyle
No idea, i have short hair. Though my go-to "fancy" hairstyle is having everything swept back with some hair gel.

accesoires
I don't accesoirize much, so I'm not too sure about this one, but as people have said, maybe try a ring or a bracelet, or earrings if you're comfortable with that. I personally always wear a ring, but I prefer quite broad rings so that's maybe not the best advice. Apart from that: A nice scarf, a pretty belt, a cute hat can finish off your outfit nicely.

Makeup
I don't wear much of that, but if I do, it's more korean-style since that's more natural and cute (and beginner-friendly ^^"). Maybe try some mascara, there's even clear gel ones that are really subtle but are very comfortable to wear even when you're not used to it.


I hope none of this was insensitive, and you probably already knew a lot of it, but this is just my experience as a girl who has struggles with a not-so-girly figure all her life. There's a lot of subtle differences in clothing apart from "girls wear dresses and skirts, boys do not". I now make my own clothes most of the time, so my last advice would be to learn how to sew. You probably still have some "men's" clothing lying around which you could alter to your liking like I have done with my brother's old clothing so you don't have to buy that many new clothes.

I wish you all the happiness in the world :)
 
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