Feeling Down :(

Don’t really know where to put this, but I just needed to vent and maybe get a positive chat going, anyone feel free to respond.

So I just had a horrible week, nothing but Masters applications, ceaseless hours of thankless, extra-curricular school work, juggling my own thesis obligations with the mandatorily imposed thesis work we need to complete on other student’s projects and working a few days on a freelance editing job that I despise.

During my home time I have either been working on homework, additional freelance editing duties or doing some much needed maintenance work, I’ve had a leaky shower head for a while now and one of my cupboard doors went crooked somehow. I fix the shower-head fine, but then I tackle the cupboard door, I didn’t have a handle on it properly and it’s corner ends up dropping down and gouging my forehead. It bled for quite a while because of where it was located, the forehead, it's nothing too deep, but I now have a rather blatant and noticeable gash on my forehead, not a pleasant experience. I fix the cupboard only for it to go limp on it’s hinge a few minutes afterwards, arggh! I’ll have to get new hinges… when I have the time, there are zero hardware stores near me and I have a lot on my plate as is.

Another night, on my way home from a friend’s art gallery showing, some drunk guy takes a swing at me when I’m walking and checking my text messages. He missed miserably and wound up on his rear, embarrassing himself, his fist merely grazed me, but the jerk was wearing a ring on every finger and as luck would have it, one of them nicks the tip of my nose, so another boo-boo.

I'm hurt, overworked and sleep deprived and all the while, I keep looking on the bright side, me and Mommy tentatively set plans for a baby get together Thursday and Friday, we both had those days off this week. Well, my Thursday gets shot because of Thesis work, I have to collaborate on my peers’ projects for part of my grade, I was scheduled to be with them from 11:30 am until 9pm with a brief 45 minute break in between (I got home at 11:34pm tonight and I only had a 45 minute break since 11:00am this morning) and some of the personalities I am forced to work with just clash with my own. These literal hours above and beyond my already full class schedule, my own independent thesis work and my freelance gig pushed back the time that Mommy was supposed to pick me up at. The worst part though, what do you know, more School related, mandatory, extra-curricular BS gets scheduled for Saturday morning bright and early from 9am to 6pm, keep in mind, I have classes Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, every other Friday and Sunday, 8am to 10pm or 1pm to 10pm during the week and 3pm-6pm on Sunday and on my off days, I invest at least 6-8 hours into my current freelance job and an extra 5+ hours on completing my own thesis work, so as usual, this abrupt addition to my already cramped schedule robs me of any personal time whatsoever.

So, I tell Mommy of my hours for today and over the weekend and instead of picking me up late Thursday evening, which was what we originally agreed upon, she decides instead that we should reschedule our Mommy/Baby days

I can’t really blame her, she was looking forward to our time together just as much as I was, so she’s sad that we had to cancel too and I always forget that she lives a good hour and 15 minutes away from me, so she has to take time out of her schedule to pick me up and of course, she doesn’t wanna run all over the place, dropping me off at home early on her day off, least of all on a day where we are supposed to be relaxing as Mommy and baby.

Suffice it to say, I feel like crap (and that’s putting it mildly), I was ran ragged all week and the bright light at the end of the tunnel, a few days of being a baby with Mommy gets snatched out from under me because my plate is just too darn full. My program is fairly hands on and competitive so I acknowledge I have to put in the work, but for pete’s sake it almost feels like it controls my life at times. I know there are people who have probably had worse weeks and experiences, but still this is the first time in a long while where all I wanna do is cry

So now, I have my Friday off, my only day of rest all week and I am so upset that I might not even throw on a diaper or regress, why bother, it might give me some modicum of relief, but I’m so damn tense and I hate feeling rushed when in baby mode, I have to wake up so early Saturday morning that I doubt I’ll get full-use out of my diaper or even be able to go to bed in it. Also regressing alone is magical, but doing so with Mommy is next level and as I mentioned, that’s out the window for this week. I’m a dinged up baby who is overworked, sad, miserable and cranky

I don't think this has come out in my posts throughout the week, but that doesn't mean I'm not upset, I just try to be my usual friendly, informative and loveable self when I reply to all my padded friends, but tonight I really needed to vent.

I’d reschedule Mommy and Baby time and make it during the week next week, but me and Mommy have pretty set schedules and the distance between us is always a little bit of a challenge. To make matters worse, I don’t know when I can be with Mommy next, my thesis project and school in general reaches it’s zenith over the next couple of months, what with deadlines and midterms. Compounding things, is the fact that I have this freelance job until early April.

Sigh, anyone else hate it when adulthood, school and work significantly interferes with your personal time, ABDL time or otherwise?

I could use some cheering up and maybe hearing from others who have experienced similar disappointments will make me feel a lot less alone in this. It’s such a shame that this has to happen when a small chunk of time opens up for me and Mommy to get together. I’ve dealt with disappointment and I’ve been robbed of baby time before as a result of other adult interests, school and work, sometimes even a combination of the the three, but this is the worst week I’ve had in a long time.

Also, starting to get a head-splitting migraine right this minute and I'm all out of tylenol, all the stores near me are closed

Anyone know of any good home remedies for a migraine?

Will this week never end!

If it helps any my Mom well working herself through school worked in th old state hospital asylum system of mental health , she spent her time outside of school literaly "babysitting" , her job was to keep sadist and the masochist patients from "interacting" i think you know what i mean by " interacting" she left that job,and became a labor relations negotiator for can't think of there actual title but it's fancy for toll booth money collector . I also have a drooping cabinet door (somehow I broke the TOP hinge ) I could understand the bottom my wheelchair tends to play rough with hinges , but the TOP have no idea how I scored that one.

Your week has been messed up too much adulting with no little time ,so all risk and no reward sucks,can you do a little down time for just your own mental well being to not feel so robbed?

And we're on earth do you live , that stores aren't open ,2 miles in either direction gets me a wally world superstore (I think the breed them here because they are everywhere and every new store gets bigger and bigger and there is no real completion all the k marts are gone there's one Target but thats in the tourist trap part of town that we call the "peach street jam" because they clustered all the theatres, a water park, the mall and all the restaurants so it takes an hour to go 1 1/2 miles on peach street.

You are definately over worked and under played for this week, so take no prisoners next week , otherwise your next opportunity maybe your "golden years" because once your done with school you just grind .

Home remedy for migraine bottle ,diaper & bed ! Sounds like a plan to me.
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Hey, thanks for the reply

Just writing this post was rather cathartic for me, after a week like this, I needed to vent a bit. I agree with you, I desperately need some down time, time and space to be little. I don't know when in the foreseeable future I'll have time to regress and chill out in general, I'm busy until well into April, but I'm sure I'll find time in between there.

I actually think when I'm outside University my life will actually gain some semblance of predictability. Working a day job can be difficult, but at least you don't usually bring your day job home with you and when I'm working I won't have school or freelance gigs to worry about, I'll have regular weekends off or at least some form of off time.

I might not be able to take no prisoners next week, but I'll have my time yet.

In answer to your where do I live question, I live in a big city in the province of Nova Scotia Canada, the only stores near me are a drugstore, a corner store and a gas station. The gas station doesn't have tylenol, neither does the corner store (it's an incredibly small Mom and Pop store) and the drugstore near me closes at 9pm. I have to walk a good 20-25 minutes to make it to a larger superstore and it's snowing and rather windy right now, I could take transit, but I don't wanna go out and I don't feel like going out in that after a long, thankless day of slaving away on my peers' projects just to snag some Tylenol. Fortunately, I drank a glass of cola and that seems to have taken the edge off my migraine.

Yes, a very messed up, aggravating week. I think I'll just feel better when it's over. At least I have tomorrow (I guess technically today, today is now Friday where I am) to gain some composure.

Also, it goes without saying, there are people far worse off than I, that doesn't take the sting out entirely, a bad week is a bad week, but this fact does helps me cope with a painful week a little better.

Wow Nova Scotia i hear its beautifull but cold.
I live in the US and on Wednesday we set a new snowfall record so far we have had over 12 1/2 feet of snow for the season , I haven't gotten off my porch in forever , usually I will go to up to the mall once or twice in winter ,but with such a severe flu year I can't risk it , my health insurance doesn't want to pay for the flu shot not made with eggs , so absolutely no immunity!

I have a friend whom is a cop,he had nice predictable duty hours , was home ever night and all that , he just recently got promoted to Detective, and now they are running him ragged, if they need a 18 hour day out of him they take it,and it's making him crazy because all of sudden the predictable family time , and personal interests are gone , I warned him it would happen ,he just thought it would be gradual not baptism by fire.

And he hates it ! He wondered what he could do to get a demotion , I told him where to park his car in Brooklyn that they don't care its undercover cop car , they will never find so much as a hubcap , he wasn't crazy about the idea but he didnt rule it out, it would be amusing and embarrassing and would probably get him that big demotion.

So what are you getting your degree in ?
Here university is getting outrageous, some people leave with 80K in student loan debt , it's criminal that young people have to start life behind the "8 ball" especialy when i have friends with doctorates that cant find a job ,if for some reason a person wants to change occupations the rule of thumb is do it before 40 because companies want young people and low wages ,experience is almost a liability as age discrimination looms large .
Any chance your mommy will be forever ? Lord knows a good woman to share life with is tricky, let alone one who will share a kink ?.
Well its about 4:00 AM on Friday east coast time , so try and do something just for you today, it may not be what you planned or what you really need but you still earned it.

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I can completely relate to how stressful a thesis is. My undergrad and grad school thesis were all consuming. Always made a joke in grad school that I didn't know anyone in Academia who didn't suffer from some kind of mental instability.

Near constant stress and anxiety coming from all directions. Constantly worrying about deadlines, grants, lectures, writing papers, grading papers...everything! I developed a drinking habit to self medicate my constant stress. It's kind of funny when you think about academic stress as well.

In reality nothing that occurs and Academia should be that stressful. Getting a B+ compared to an A- doesn't shake the foundations of the world. At the time though it feels like your life is going to end lol. Keep your chin up though. It may have been incredibly difficult at the time, but it was also some of the most rewarding moments of my life.

So, I've been having a wonderful day now. I slept in until noon, It's a mild and sunny day, I'm gonna go for a walk and hang out with some friends. I didn't wind up diapering up, but I'll get around to that next week. I guess one upside to having an ungodly slog of a week is that I didn't blow any diapers, I still have a nice stash waiting for me when I have the time to pad up and regress.

Tetra said:

Wow Nova Scotia i hear its beautifull but cold.

I have a friend whom is a cop,he had nice predictable duty hours , was home ever night and all that , he just recently got promoted to Detective, and now they are running him ragged, if they need a 18 hour day out of him they take it,and it's making him crazy because all of sudden the predictable family time , and personal interests are gone , I warned him it would happen ,he just thought it would be gradual not baptism by fire.

And he hates it ! He wondered what he could do to get a demotion , I told him where to park his car in Brooklyn that they don't care its undercover cop car , they will never find so much as a hubcap , he wasn't crazy about the idea but he didnt rule it out, it would be amusing and embarrassing and would probably get him that big demotion.

So what are you getting your degree in ?

Any chance your mommy will be forever ? Lord knows a good woman to share life with is tricky, let alone one who will share a kink ?.

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Yes, Nova Scotia is really beautiful, lots of coasts and nature, but yeah the weather is unpredictable, you'll be outside in the sun 1 minute and then it'll rain the next, followed by snow in the evening and wind gusts the next morning. It does get cold here from time to time, but compared to other Provinces, I'd say the temperature in Nova Scotia is pretty even keel, we don't often get -20 or below like some Provinces and we've actually had a few days this winter where the temperature was in the positive range. Today for instance is beautiful, it's only a slightly chilly -1 and the suns been shining all day.

My line of work should be somewhat predictable like your cop friend's use to be. That's the big problem with school and having a job, a lot of your personal time is taken away and there's not a lot of predictability. If a job made me put in as many hours as I currently allot to school, they'd be in violation of labour laws.

I'm currently pursuing a double major in visual arts and film history and criticism, so a lot of my work is very hands on, practice and studio based and revolves around extensive research. I not only have my own thesis work for two majors to complete, but as part of the arts portion, I am required to log hours assisting my peers with their thesis work, this is what I hate the most because it's thankless and the hours are ludicrous, the only reason they allow us to be this overworked is because the school thinks of it as "independent" study because the work is completed in studio our outside of the classroom, the thing is, it's not independent study, the hours are imposed by our instructors and the curriculum, we have to log our hours, the amount of hours worked coupled with peer evaluations determines our final grade, in fact, the work we complete on other people's projects is weighted more heavily than our own finished thesis (make sense of that).

I've applied to some Masters programs in the area and abroad in order to study similar subjects. These programs are skeletal in comparison to what I'm completing right now and they are much more self-motivated and self-determined, I practically set up my own curriculum and work solely towards a Masters Thesis. Some of these programs will even pay you if you decide to allocate time towards research and instruction i.e. teaching a class.

The freelance job I have right now in addition to school is also fairly taxing.

With regards to Mommy, she is fairly older than I am and because of the age difference, we aren't really dating or in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, we are strictly in a Mommy/Baby friend relationship. Our agreement is that this is a mutually beneficial friendship, she gives me the love and care that I need as a baby and I give her the unconditional love of and the experience of having a child. It's a unique arrangement, but we do love each other as friends. Mommy is even encouraging of me searching for a girlfriend and Mommy closer to my own age. Also, I might not be in Nova Scotia a few years down the line, depending on where my career takes me or on where I get accepted into a Masters program, I may have to move and Mommy is too set up with her life out here to tag along with me. This is why every bit of Mommy time I can get is so deeply meaningful to me and special for the both of us, this might not last.

Ravensteel said:

I can completely relate to how stressful a thesis is. My undergrad and grad school thesis were all consuming. Always made a joke in grad school that I didn't know anyone in Academia who didn't suffer from some kind of mental instability.

Near constant stress and anxiety coming from all directions. Constantly worrying about deadlines, grants, lectures, writing papers, grading papers...everything! I developed a drinking habit to self medicate my constant stress. It's kind of funny when you think about academic stress as well.

In reality nothing that occurs and Academia should be that stressful. Getting a B+ compared to an A- doesn't shake the foundations of the world. At the time though it feels like your life is going to end lol. Keep your chin up though. It may have been incredibly difficult at the time, but it was also some of the most rewarding moments of my life.

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Glad to know that someone else gets it. Yes, academics can be hectic. To be fair, if I was only focussed on research and writing papers I'd be loving things. I'm a great writer and whipping up a thorough and intuitive essay is easy for me. I've had Professors actually suggest that I try to get my work published. It's the hands on practice of art making, for my own project and the projects of my peers that makes things so hard. I'll also note that our brand of art making isn't as simple as preparing canvases or sketching in a sketchbook, it's more multidisciplinary and new-media based, many of the projects are related to film, animation and installation, so it's a lot of prepping a studio, lengthy physical, chemical and technical processes, rigging lights, rigging projectors and manual labour.

In fact, one of the reasons why I am deciding to do a Masters is because it seems like comparatively less work. I only need to focus on my thesis and little else and as I mentioned previously, they'll also pay you for your work in the program should you choose to structure a course and tach a class. Having a Masters also makes me capable of teaching at the University level, that would be a pretty steady, regular and decently paying job should work in the industry not pan out.

In any event, it was great hearing from you all and I'm feeling much better today