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Raylynn

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So I am a CD and also abdl. My wife now knows everything about me. I have told her I like the idea of a cuck relationship. She said it's not gonna happen anytime soon because of trust issues. She has caught me several times looking on Craigslist and other email accounts. So I get it. But her fear is if I get to be involved with another guy, she is afraid I'm gonna leave her cause I like men better. Has anyone else experienced anything similar to this? She told me she is tired of me pushing the subject. However it's something I want to experience and don't want my urges to get the best of me. Any advice?
 
It sounds like you are asking your wife if you can be unfaithful to her. Why would she be supportive of that? Relationships like what you want happen mostly in stories and not real life. Where they do happen in real life, they often exist only for a short time and eventually, the marriage ends in divorce. I think if you want to remain married, it's going to be a no go. I'd let it drop as she had given you very good reasons why she is not happy with that sort of arrangement.
 
Raylynn said:
So I am a CD and also abdl. My wife now knows everything about me. I have told her I like the idea of a cuck relationship. She said it's not gonna happen anytime soon because of trust issues. She has caught me several times looking on Craigslist and other email accounts. So I get it. But her fear is if I get to be involved with another guy, she is afraid I'm gonna leave her cause I like men better. Has anyone else experienced anything similar to this? She told me she is tired of me pushing the subject. However it's something I want to experience and don't want my urges to get the best of me. Any advice?

I agree with Dogboy there's a difference between fantasy and reality.

I have known many 'swingers' of all kinds, poly, and open marriages.

Let me tell you for all the 'working' relationships you think you meet online, or for all the optimistic Medium posts, all I have seen in reality has been broken marriages and devastated relationships. I'd think if it was going to work anywhere it would work here among the open minded and provocateurs... *shakes head*

If you need humiliation in your life, maybe pursuing femdom play with your wife can let you experience a good deal of the fantasy (simulated fellatio, pegging, chastity, denial, etc.) without crossing the line into infidelity or bringing another person into your relationship.

Also, BTW, if your pushing this topic, it seems like you may be topping from the bottom.
 
There seems to be a lot of things going on here! Your wife seems like she is insecure in her relationship with you - this might be a factor from previous experiences either with previous partners or with you. It doesn't seem to help the fact that you're checking Craigslist and other email accounts without her knowing... I'd feel really insecure as well. She's expressed that she doesn't want it to happen and she doesn't want you to continue to push the subject. Why are you still pushing for it if it makes her uncomfortable? I understand that there are a lot of things that you want to experience, but there are also things that she wants as well. Relationships and marriages are full of compromises, and there are a lot of things that you will disagree on and there will be no resolution for. Is the fantasy relationship you're wanting worth potentially losing your wife over if you go too far?

For instance! I myself am polyamorous; my partner is not. I've expressed my desires to open up our relationship at points and I've always been open and honest if I have a crush on someone new; however my partner has hard boundaries about not being comfortable with me or them having any other partners for the time being (and it may not be ever!). While it was a little upsetting at first, I had to take my partners feelings into account - they can sometimes feel inadequate in relationships for personal reasons I won't disclose here so we talked through it and I understood their point of view more. No matter what, I love my partner dearly - they are the person that I married and plan on spending the rest of my life with after all - and their opinions and feelings matter a lot. My partner is vanilla and I knew that going into our relationship and our marriage; they're not into any kinks or lifestyles or anything but are happy when I'm happy, as long as it's within reason and consensual for both of us. And if polyamory isn't their bag and if they're not comfortable with me being romantically or sexually involved with anyone else, that's fine - we still communicate what is going on and how we're feeling.

I haven't stopped getting crushes on people. I haven't stopped wanting to be with other people or be intimate with other people - but when that happens, I talk to my partner and let them know "hey, this is happening and I just want to let you know". It's never personally against my partner or anything and they know that now (in the beginning of our relationship years and years ago they didn't understand it much until we had a sit down discussion about it) and I know it's nothing against me personally but for a hot second it was a Big Deal. It's not so much anymore because communication is key. We try our hardest to understand each other because while our relationship is wonderful, it does take a bit of work considering that in a lot of ways we are polar opposites.

My advice is that you sit down and you talk to your wife. Tell her something along the lines of "Hey, I know you said that you wanted to stop talking about this thing, but I just wanted to sit down and explain to you how I'm feeling and I'd like it if you told me how you're feeling and why, too." Understand that more than likely you are not going to have the ideal fantasy relationship that you're wanting - but like AdorableRabbit said, talk to her and ask if maybe you two could try some new things in the bedroom if she's comfortable with it. Give her the control - maybe make a safe word. Let her initiate. Ask often if everything is okay, even if that breaks the illusion of the fantasy. It really does help even if it's a "turn off" in the moment because it builds trust and comfort in such intimate moments. Suggest maybe looking at more adult things together and gauge her interest and see if she's comfortable with it. But other than that, I feel like there's nothing else to do.
 
Wow Raylynn, that’s really awkward.

First and foremost as one person to another I hope you don’t cheat on your wife.

You truly have have not only the right to live true to yourself but also life is too short not to be happy, just sadly you may have to compromise somewhere.
 
Also, the "others" would probably not to be a part of a committed couple or a committed threesome or ... There's a short thought from the Mormons where a husband tells his wife that he intends to add a wife. Woman has the final say in such a marriage. Wife say no, you live with it. That's the official rule and I bet there are a few who abuse the system. The Church says the woman responded after a period of reflection, goes to her husband and says "OK, let's go meet OUR new wife". Which is a really fast way to an assumption that you're wanting a three or more way marriage. Which is a mental and sexual mine field. What if, and the world is filled with Wadiffs, what if she picks who should be the third with out any input from you? Where SHE goes through the local polygamous lists, indexes, swing clubs, or just picking somebody from Craiglist... make it sight unseen? And are your current picks really wanting to share you or themselves in such an arrangement? She's probably a little bit shell-shocked right now.

Any new decisions on Your behalf are going to be postponed and probably long time for her to make the next move. And if you want to be used as a girl, there are devices your wife can do it. You've given her a lot of emotional stress, which she actually accepted. If she wants to be the Mommy or husband, cool. You got a score right there. Let HER be the absolute boss of the whole relationship. It's her move. Take it as a win and don't try another move on your own or the move she makes might be "out". It's mighty rare for women to accept a guy wanting to be her baby or her wife. She has, at least she didn't run away screaming. dogboy and AdorableRabbit told it right.
 
Raylynn said:
So I am a CD and also abdl. My wife now knows everything about me. I have told her I like the idea of a cuck relationship. She said it's not gonna happen anytime soon because of trust issues. She has caught me several times looking on Craigslist and other email accounts. So I get it. But her fear is if I get to be involved with another guy, she is afraid I'm gonna leave her cause I like men better. Has anyone else experienced anything similar to this? She told me she is tired of me pushing the subject. However it's something I want to experience and don't want my urges to get the best of me. Any advice?

Ummm.... Some questions here.

If you are looking for a cuck relationship, that would insinuate that you are wanting your wife to be unfaithful to you, right? I mean being cuckold is about having one's partner choose someone else over you and you are watching or being there and either humiliated as being the less than desired partner, or that the person your spouse is choosing is stronger, more masculine, or more fulfilling than you are.

This fantasy is something that is not uncommon, but I truly believe is unhealthy. First of all, if this is your fantasy, and not mutually hers, then there are some serious problems going on here.

If this is not a shared interest, and you hope for a continued relationship with your wife, then you need to drop this, and do so immediately! A partnership with a spouse is just that, a partnership. While their is no harm in asking your partner if they want to engage in a fantasy of yours, if the answer is no, then you need to be likewise respectful of her and try to find ways that you can engage in your relationship that is not one-sided. Marriage is not about one partner giving in to the other. It is a partnership where both hopefully are able to obtain the relationship and satisfaction that they desire.

If you want to be cuckold and your partner does not want to have a relationship like this, then it isn't going to work.

You have then to decide whether your love for this person is more than just these desires (which I hope they are). Cuz if you are married and did not share this part of yourself and then need to have this to be fulfilled, then you really were not being honest with your wife. That was and is not fair to her.

I hope that you can find a resolution to your situation. But ultimately, if you need to be cuckolded and your wife is not into this, then this relationship was not meant to be.

I wish you the best in your endeavors.

:detective3

- - - Updated - - -

LittleSissieJolie said:
Also, the "others" would probably not to be a part of a committed couple or a committed threesome or ... There's a short thought from the Mormons where a husband tells his wife that he intends to add a wife. Woman has the final say in such a marriage. Wife say no, you live with it. That's the official rule and I bet there are a few who abuse the system. The Church says the woman responded after a period of reflection, goes to her husband and says "OK, let's go meet OUR new wife". Which is a really fast way to an assumption that you're wanting a three or more way marriage. Which is a mental and sexual mine field. What if, and the world is filled with Wadiffs, what if she picks who should be the third with out any input from you? Where SHE goes through the local polygamous lists, indexes, swing clubs, or just picking somebody from Craiglist... make it sight unseen? And are your current picks really wanting to share you or themselves in such an arrangement? She's probably a little bit shell-shocked right now.

Any new decisions on Your behalf are going to be postponed and probably long time for her to make the next move. And if you want to be used as a girl, there are devices your wife can do it. You've given her a lot of emotional stress, which she actually accepted. If she wants to be the Mommy or husband, cool. You got a score right there. Let HER be the absolute boss of the whole relationship. It's her move. Take it as a win and don't try another move on your own or the move she makes might be "out". It's mighty rare for women to accept a guy wanting to be her baby or her wife. She has, at least she didn't run away screaming. dogboy and AdorableRabbit told it right.

Ummm... LittleSissieJolie... Just where in the ^*()*&#! do you get this so called information about what a "Mormon" would tell his wife???? Knock this crap off!! First of all, if you looked at your history, you would find that while polygamy was practiced for a very short period of time, it has been something that is not only shunned, but a reason for excommunication from the religion for almost a century. While there are splinter groups that still are engaged in such practice, they are not "Mormons" anymore than groups that have broken off from the Catholic church, Lutheran, Baptist, or any other religion are still part of that congregation.

While I appreciate your comments in the interest of sharing a point with the O.P., I found this interaction not only offensive, but quite untruthful, as "Mormons" do not practice polygamy and have not done so for many many years.

I get the point that you were trying to present, in that if there is a "threesome" is should be consentual among all three individuals. And I agree. If you want to involve a third party into a relationship, then all three individuals need to agree as to how this is and what it means. Just because one or two think this is ideal, if the third party does not, then it should not be. End of story.

But knock off the references to religion when this is not the case. The OP's post had nothing to do with religion that I can tell, and this is not the place to be posting such.
 
OK, Teddy, you came to the same conclusion I did, but for some reason are offended by a religious anecdote.

I don't stomp on other people's faith as it would be a clear invitation for them to do it to mine. The Mormon reference is only that, a reference, which is illustrative to the theme of what I wrote. I am VERY aware the LDS do not as a church practice polygamy. Although I'm not LDS myself I got the anecdote from my aunt who IS. What is described as a person who never identifies himself as LDS asks for advice from anybody willing to respond as to how to handle a desire and a plan to get his wife to agree to a polygamous relationship in which he would be the sub and his wife and the “other” would be the dominant players. Which is what I would call it, Playing. And his wife has been supportive, to a point, of his desire to be the sub and playing a traditional child role. Bringing a second surrogate parent in. was his suggestion and one she apparently doesn't support.

When one asks advice one usually gets advice. Whether one follows or ignores that advice is entirely up to him/her. The wife was described as upset but willing to accept his Sub/Infant role.

That's an emotional breakthrough even if she does not accept the Polygamous affair proposed by the husband. Big Deal. Going forward he can accept the enormous shift in their relationship and explore that, and gently. Remember that he gave HER the position of control. She didn't just dump him. Some women would.

I can't say if that's usual, unusual or neutral. As to religion, some people in any faith have multiple sex partners. There are SOME LDS groups who are SAID TO practice religious based polygamy. SOME is not all or most or any clearly described fraction of any group. SOME can be as little as Two. Even in the days of Brigham Young the only reference available to outsiders is “Some” people did it. Not “all” or “most” and the only records of it would be in the genealogy archives maintained by the Tabernacle. I don't stomp on people's religions. You only responded (to me) to the religious anecdote and not the parts about his emotional wants or needs and those of his wife. He shifted the dynamics of his relationship and his wife apparently is willing to accept that. To A Point.

If it helps confused I'll repeat it.
A lot of people (probably) don't get to the point you've gotten. Go slow, don't even mention it to her again and if SHE decides to re-open the subject, you gave her the power to say yes or no and whichever she chooses, you already, by your own admission, gave her the deciding vote.

Free advice and worth every penny.
 
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