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Hello from a new caregiver

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AuntieC

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Hello it's so lovely to meet you all! I'm Rosewhisper I'm feeling very shy but I'll try my best to explain why I'm here.
I'm a trans woman who would love to be a mummy. I'm very soft and gentle and very very loving. I have hardly any experience any of this but I've had these feelings for quite a long time.

I'm here because I'm interested in socialising and learning more about the community. I'm interested in diapers, nurture and regression.

Outside of that I'm interested in science and technology. I love cooking and animals, I'm considering going to university one day to do mathematics but I'm quite nervous.

What I'm mostly hoping to get from this website is support and friendship. Unfortunately this is a side of my life that hasn't really made me very happy. I'm currently trying to handle it but it's not easy. I think I might have some deep rooted shame and I've been crying a lot lately.

My approach to being a caregiver has always been to be very tactile and loving. I fantasize about giving lots of love and cuddles, fussing over my baby, holding hands and reading stories, softly talking, having baby sat on my knee, very platonic, very heavy on nurture. I'm also quite aware that there probably isn't much in this world that's more relaxing than wearing a nappy a silky nightie, a pacifier and holding a teddy bear but I just can't accept myself in that role and being able to switch and try it would be nice and hopefully you'll be able to help me unpick the shame surrounding this.

When I knew that I absolutely had to transition I thought that I had to completely remove any sissy or abdl desires and be this generic vanilla woman, now I realise how tragic and unnecessary that was but I went through a lot of self inflicted hatred and bullying over that and I feel like I may have damaged myself in much the same way that conversion therapy does damage people and it's taking a lot of my emotional energy to admit that.

About 6 months ago I almost almost sorted it out. I was experimenting a little bit with my bedroom, some Disney Princess sheets and posters, it felt...it felt really nice but before I could enjoy it for too long my Dad one day let himself into my flat and he didn't say anything but I was so ashamed I had to throw it all out then and there, it was so tragic. I still feel ashamed about that although part of me does know that I didn't hurt anyone in any way and I'm being hard on myself but the shame is still there.

So recently I've been on a couple of dates with sissies who both said they liked the idea of my nurture. But when we've talked about what we could offer each other intimately it's always involved something quite rough which I don't feel I can do. (I'm not saying that makes them bad people or anyone else who likes roughness, I'm just not someone who's capable of hitting her babies). And this has been gaslighting my sexuality a little bit because it's making what I want to offer feel like it's not good enough. I think if just one person sincerely says that they would like what I do offer then I would feel that I shouldn't give up hope.

So I'm sorry that this is all a little bit sad. I promise I'll be more cheery in other posts and I'm sure you'll be able to support me. Bless you all you all seem so friendly and lovely. If this is a bit heavy for you though I'm also a big fan of Riley Kilo and we can talk about how sweet and lovely she is instead if you like.

Oh and this is what I look like if you are interested: https://imgur.com/Nmv6cfd

Thank you so much for reading I really appreciate it. Love and oodles of cuddles X X X
 
Hello Rosewhisperer and welcome to the group.

Very nice introduction.

I would like to invite you to our Foodie group, since you have indicated a love of cooking.

Again welcome to the group.

Egor
 
hello and welcome, so sorry to hear you have been having a hard time of late, you should find loads of support on here,
 
Welcome!

Rosewhisper said:
When I knew that I absolutely had to transition I thought that I had to completely remove any sissy or abdl desires and be this generic vanilla woman, now I realise how tragic and unnecessary that was but I went through a lot of self inflicted hatred and bullying over that and I feel like I may have damaged myself in much the same way that conversion therapy does damage people and it's taking a lot of my emotional energy to admit that.

About 6 months ago I almost almost sorted it out. I was experimenting a little bit with my bedroom, some Disney Princess sheets and posters, it felt...it felt really nice but before I could enjoy it for too long my Dad one day let himself into my flat and he didn't say anything but I was so ashamed I had to throw it all out then and there, it was so tragic. I still feel ashamed about that although part of me does know that I didn't hurt anyone in any way and I'm being hard on myself but the shame is still there.

These feelings sound a bit like the binge/purge cycle a lot of us go through (and something I too still struggle with). I'm not sure how to deal with it, but it's my hope you will find acceptance in yourself and all the multi-faceted aspects of you.

I'd also like to politely advise you to be careful about sharing images of yourself here. This part of the forum is easily accessed by the public. Unless you are comfortable with it, in which case more power to you!

Once again, welcome to the forum and enjoy your stay!
 
egor said:
Hello Rosewhisperer and welcome to the group.


I would like to invite you to our Foodie group, since you have indicated a love of cooking.
Hi Egor, thank you so much for the warm welcome! I would love to join the foodie group :) I'm always keen to share ideas and creations and show off when I manage to make something pretty X


Pete67 said:
hello and welcome, so sorry to hear you have been having a hard time of late, you should find loads of support on here,
Thank you Pete, it's lovely to meet you, I hope I can find support. This is a part of myself that I think has the potential to be quite happy and I'd love to feel a little bit more comfortable about it. Deep down I know it's harmless... better than that even because I may have the potential to bring a tremendous amount of joy to not just someone else but myself as well :)

Maybeshewill said:
Welcome!



These feelings sound a bit like the binge/purge cycle a lot of us go through (and something I too still struggle with). I'm not sure how to deal with it, but it's my hope you will find acceptance in yourself and all the multi-faceted aspects of you.

I'd also like to politely advise you to be careful about sharing images of yourself here. This part of the forum is easily accessed by the public. Unless you are comfortable with it, in which case more power to you!

I'm slightly familiar with the binge purge cycle, it seems common in the transvestite community as well and I always thought it was very sad. I had to purge my femme clothes once due my parents but thankfully they're now okay with my presenting now. Getting my own place was quite a helpful move for that kind of thing but I think they still think I'm doing it for sexual kicks rather than because it's who I am and trying to prove them wrong has always effected my ability to experiment sexually with my presentation until maybe a month ago when I wore make up for the first time. It's really tough.

Don't worry about the picture. I knew full well that it's public and available. I'm intending on using it as my avatar when I'm at my computer and have a chance to set it up. That or a different picture of me. These feelings of shame are internal. Externally I'm actually quite proud of who I am. I honestly feel that any outsider who reads about how for me it's about cuddles and nurture I think if they are a nice person they would say that they may not understand it but they can say this is clearly a person of love. And if they are nasty people then we'll that would be unfortunate but I'm already a full time presenting trans woman, they already have ammunition on me for their bigoted views so I really don't mind x
 
Hi RoseWhisper, (fabulous name BTW) I am positive ADISC is the place for you after reading your intro.

Lots of loving peeps here (DLs, ABs, caregivers but not limited to those categories) and most of us want to offer our mutual support and love with other kind hearted peeps in this community.

Being in the UK I hope you are near the Cotswolds or have been able to get to that naturally beautiful area and enjoy the serenity of the place?

Just know we accept you here as a little, a caregiver and most importantly as a person.

I hope you get yourself some new Disney princess sheets and if the purge cycle hits you again get yourself a big trunk to put it all in to keep until the anxiety passes and you get those gorgeous items back out to live with.
 
Argent said:
Hi RoseWhisper, (fabulous name BTW) I am positive ADISC is the place for you after reading your intro.

Lots of loving peeps here (DLs, ABs, caregivers but not limited to those categories) and most of us want to offer our mutual support and love with other kind hearted peeps in this community.

Hiya :) it's lovely to meet you! I'm glad you liked my name hehehe.

I'm glad that you think this place will be for me :) I'm still feeling a little bit too shy to post on other peoples threads yet but everyone seems very kind and the atmosphere here is very comfortable

Argent said:
Being in the UK I hope you are near the Cotswolds or have been able to get to that naturally beautiful area and enjoy the serenity of the place?

I don't live too far away but I've never been. I live in Newcastle upon Tyne but I'm quite an anxious person so I've never travelled all that far. But I've been feeling a little bit more confident these last few months as I've become more confident with my gender identity. I'm feeling a little bit depressed at the moment with how built up it is around me though, there's not much green at all near by and I really would love to spend a few moments barefoot in nature just to feel a little bit of spiritual recharge :) Maybe that would be somewhere to go one day for me :) I can't drive unfortunately but I took a trip to central station for the first time in my life a few days ago and its the gateway to the rest of the UK so you never know :)

Argent said:
Just know we accept you here as a little, a caregiver and most importantly as a person.

That's really nice to know. I like how we can talk to each other as people and I'm not going to have to be in little/big roleplay mode all the time. Not that I mind doing that but it's not very good for support and helping me to soothe this guilt in my head.

Argent said:
I hope you get yourself some new Disney princess sheets and if the purge cycle hits you again get yourself a big trunk to put it all in to keep until the anxiety passes and you get those gorgeous items back out to live with.

I did rebuy a few princess things including the sheets, I like having things... My calendar for this year was a disney princess one and I've got a few small princess figurines. I've got the sheets hidden away in a safe space but I've not been able to make myself make up the bed like that again. I'd really like to though although I feel that I'd probably be happier being the caretaker than the little. It's just easier on the guilt...hopefully after I've spent some time on here though I'll realise how irrational the guilt is and maybe find my way back to it. It would be nice if I could :)
 
It's nice to meet you rose welcome to adisc. As a transwoman myself I can tell you that most people here on this site are supwe awesome and supportive I think you'll love adisc a lot. Hopefully you find what you're looking for and enjoy the site :)
 
Rosewhisper, consider me a bit confused... Are you saying you like to be on the giving, or receiving end? I hadn't thought about it much, but if you're looking & feeling as if your trans role is as a "mom", to an ABDL partner, then I'd think you should do fine, once you find the right ABDL, that is needing nurturing, not discipline. We're all playing some role, in life, and if you're truly feeling the mothering instinct, then my guess is that you'll find plenty of bABies, desiring what you have to offer, allowing both roles to be fulfilled, but it'll take some searching for that right person...
 
CreamTheRabbit said:
It's nice to meet you rose welcome to adisc. As a transwoman myself I can tell you that most people here on this site are supwe awesome and supportive I think you'll love adisc a lot. Hopefully you find what you're looking for and enjoy the site :)

Hello and thank you, it's lovely to meet you too! I'm really glad to hear that you feel supported, I'm sure I will too :) I'm sure that there's nothing too unique about my position and people here will understand and help me and I'll feel really happy!

Jamieboy said:
Rosewhisper, consider me a bit confused... Are you saying you like to be on the giving, or receiving end? I hadn't thought about it much, but if you're looking & feeling as if your trans role is as a "mom", to an ABDL partner, then I'd think you should do fine, once you find the right ABDL, that is needing nurturing, not discipline. We're all playing some role, in life, and if you're truly feeling the mothering instinct, then my guess is that you'll find plenty of bABies, desiring what you have to offer, allowing both roles to be fulfilled, but it'll take some searching for that right person...

I'm sorry I confused you, I think I'm probably a little bit confused myself. I'm certain that I'm a caregiver, that I know for a fact, I'm just not too sure if I might like to switch sometimes or maybe play a little bit when I'm on my own. I mean you can kind of be a little on your own but to be a mummy on your own doesn't really make as much sense.

I think yes the kind of abdl that's right for me is out there. I do have a strong mothering instinct and I've felt really really sad in the past thinking about how it's impossible for me to conceive and I think a lot of the want to love and nurture an abdl may be linked. Although I'm not sure because I think with an abdl there would be a feeling of intimacy and maybe romance? I don't know, I don't have the experience of either.

Because of hormones things don't work like they used to and this is quite a recent and somewhat scary change; I don't think the whole vanilla relationship thing is really going to work out for me anymore and I think I'm going to replace physical sexual intimacy with another kind of very loving closeness. I never really got on with physical stuff anyway, it could be that I'm quite demi sexual maybe, I'm not really sure. My sexuality is the part of my life that I'm most unsure and confused about I think it's not easy. :(

All I know is this is calling to me somehow and has for quite a while and I'm not sure how to feel...oh it's all very confusing! *Sigh* but we'll figure it out I'm sure!
 
Ok, yeah, that clears it up, for me. Honestly, we're all "switches", of sorts. I once described myself like that on FetLife, and it sent my wife into a tizzy. The point was, I would love if she would let me switch roles, becoming a "sort of" daddy for her, ministering to her needs a bit, but still on board with including diapers, hers, as part of the playfulness.

Really, that's why this whole lifestyle can be a bit disconcerting, at time. We know we "belong" here as diaper lovers & carers, but the roles are never really clearly defined. I'm guessing being trans just adds to that complexity.

Good luck with it all. I know that you'll find what you're looking for, since it's not too far off from what we all want. Meaning, some of us have that feeling of wanting to be babies, but can never actually become them, other than in.look & feel. Same goes in the trans world, I suspect, where you can change roles & gender, through reassignment, but will always have the wrong chromosomes floating about, and never be able to clinically conceive. BUT, that doesn't stop a trans person from adopting an actual infant, and caring for them, as their own, OR EVEN adopting an ABDL, and caring for them, as long as it fulfills both of your needs.

Life is so complicated...
 
I'm pretty new here myself. Welcome! Your story made me a little teary eyed - I'm so sorry that you had to threw a lot of your stuff out. I've gone through that a few times myself. The details of your caregiving gave me that heartwarming feeling - sounds like you're pretty good at caregiving already! ❤️
 
Hewwo! What an amazing post! I know as much as you could be the Mommy for me, I could be the Baby for you! But alas, the UK Eh! Always my luck! Well, I will see you in the forums anyway, and that's something :)

I hope you find a wonderful little cuddly Baby!
 
Jamieboy said:
Ok, yeah, that clears it up, for me. Honestly, we're all "switches", of sorts. I once described myself like that on FetLife, and it sent my wife into a tizzy. The point was, I would love if she would let me switch roles, becoming a "sort of" daddy for her, ministering to her needs a bit, but still on board with including diapers, hers, as part of the playfulness.

That's interesting :) I thought that most of you would just want to be the baby all the time but I guess switching does make sense. I expect there is a feeling of intense enjoyment and gratitude from your session that you would love to give your partner that same experience? Or maybe you want to emulate the role of how you fantasise the best care would be? Well in any case it's a real pity she isn't into the idea. Sometimes life can be so cruel.

Jamieboy said:
Really, that's why this whole lifestyle can be a bit disconcerting, at time. We know we "belong" here as diaper lovers & carers, but the roles are never really clearly defined. I'm guessing being trans just adds to that complexity.

This is something that speaks to me a lot. When I think about alternative sexualities and gender it's often the case that they are so small that there's no... vanilla setting to rely on. In a way that's wonderfully liberating but it can also be tricky. When I was trying so hard to be a man sexuality was easy, you're assumed hetero and sex was most likely missionary position. As a trans woman though? I have absolutely no idea! Some trans women like penetration, being penetrated, you may touch, I hate everything about it, I use it, I use a strap on etc. There's very very little in the way of an instruction manual or expectation and working out your sexuality at least for me has been a difficult and ongoing process, but it's liberating in that it's allowed me to adopt something like this as being who I am :)

Jamieboy said:
Good luck with it all. I know that you'll find what you're looking for, since it's not too far off from what we all want. Meaning, some of us have that feeling of wanting to be babies, but can never actually become them, other than in.look & feel. Same goes in the trans world, I suspect, where you can change roles & gender, through reassignment, but will always have the wrong chromosomes floating about, and never be able to clinically conceive. BUT, that doesn't stop a trans person from adopting an actual infant, and caring for them, as their own, OR EVEN adopting an ABDL, and caring for them, as long as it fulfills both of your needs.

Well I don't know if I would ever say that it's completely impossible to become a baby, it depends on how you define it I suppose. The way I look at humans is that we are ghosts controlling a meat suit. 90% of us is ghost and 10% is meat suit and it takes a very shallow mind to look at the meat suit and say that the ghost is irrelevant. If you identify as a baby and decorate yourself as one a bigot is going to use your age against you. But your age is just a variable that has absolutely nothing to do with that identity so it's not relevant. That's the same way that I feel about my chromosomes. They're just some numbers (kinda) that don't do anything now, they did something once but not now and they're not relevant to the ghost. It's a little bit existential and I don't think I've done a very good job of explaining it.

Not being able to conceive is upsetting but there are barren cis women as well, some people can't, it's just a fact I'm one of the unlucky ones.

Although the fact that I transitioned in my late 20s means I did miss out on a female childhood, maybe I don't have to now? It's something I'm thinking about at least and pink sparkling princesses make me happy so well why not? I should switch sometimes :) oh if only it was so easy!

Jamieboy said:
Life is so complicated...

Isn't that the truth!




Aderth60 said:
I'm pretty new here myself. Welcome! Your story made me a little teary eyed - I'm so sorry that you had to threw a lot of your stuff out. I've gone through that a few times myself. The details of your caregiving gave me that heartwarming feeling - sounds like you're pretty good at caregiving already! ❤️

Hiya, I'm sorry my story made you teary, it is quite sad though I agree. Thanks for the welcome and welcome to you as well :) I'm so glad you felt that feeling of heartwarming! I knew someone out there would like my caregiving style! Yay! Maybe I should join one of the dating sites now and try to deliver it :) I am a little bit worried about how why I feel though. I think if I had a baby with me now I'd be a little bit nervous and awkward but given time I think it would be easier. Maybe knowing and trusting the person first would help quite a lot!



PaddedBritany said:
Hewwo! What an amazing post! I know as much as you could be the Mommy for me, I could be the Baby for you! But alas, the UK Eh! Always my luck! Well, I will see you in the forums anyway, and that's something :)

I hope you find a wonderful little cuddly Baby!

Hello :) it's wonderful to meet you and thank you for the welcome! That is a real pity that we live on the opposite side of the world. You'll see me all over the forums probably once I feel a little braver! I hope I find someone to love and cuddle to and I hope you also find similar :) I'm sure there's enough of us out there :)
 
Hi welcome; I'm a trans-male little. dont worry about your posts being sad we all get sad some sometimes no one cheery all the time. i havent transitioned and that makes me very sad at times. so just be you. on a happier note im thinking of getting a math degree to: i agree cooking super fun
 
babyemery said:
Hi welcome; I'm a trans-male little. dont worry about your posts being sad we all get sad some sometimes no one cheery all the time. i havent transitioned and that makes me very sad at times. so just be you. on a happier note im thinking of getting a math degree to: i agree cooking super fun

Delighted to meet you babyemery I really hope that you find happiness being a boy and your transition goes smoothly once the medical professionals get themselves in gear for you :) I just hope that in the meantime you can find happiness in dressing masculine :) Best of luck with the cooking and the degree! *Hugs* xxx
 
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