My partner cheated on me

My partner cheated on me even though I begged him not to do it. I was so broken that I also cheated on him. I feel so guilty but I couldn't tell him because I don't want to be the same like him. We are already engaged so I'm not really sure what's the next plan of action. I love him dearly but I can't forget the fact that he cheate on me. What should I do?

Ask him why? That will be your starting point. I can tell you that once someone has cheated, for whatever reason, they will do it again. If you both want the relationship to work, you need to have a heart to heart talk and a few visits with a marriage counselor wouldn't be a bad idea. Good luck and keep us posted.

I don't understand why you have to do the same thing to him too, you hate cheating but did it anyways. being devastated is not an excuse. you both have to talk, straighten things out if you still want your relationship to work

Scaramouche said:

Ask him why? That will be your starting point. I can tell you that once someone has cheated, for whatever reason, they will do it again. If you both want the relationship to work, you need to have a heart to heart talk and a few visits with a marriage counselor wouldn't be a bad idea. Good luck and keep us posted.

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I think repeat offense in cheating is a bit more complex/variable than that. Unless my dad's playing the very long game (more than 50 years), cheating once was enough for him. I would say that unless it is understood why the cheating took place and that problem resolved, the risk of repeats are substantial.

In any event, I don't think it's necessary or even really possible to forget infidelity. It changes a relationship. It may be possible to get past it but it will be different as a result. Seek counseling.

Honestly, it's best just to jump out right now. That sounds callous, but it's clear that there's obviously some real issues between the two of you, and honestly, if you are dealing with this now, do you want to really get married and have to deal with it then? Trust me, it's a lot bigger pain in the ass once you're married. (I was, albeit briefly). Anyway, I'd just approach the situation with caution and probably start looking in different directions. Surely you can do better than someone who you "begged" not to cheat on and who cheated on you anyway. Sounds like a real peach.

He cheated on you after you asked him not to, how much more can he disrespect you. End the relationship, it is not healthy.

You are unfortunately only lying to yourself in thinking your not guilty as well.
This is a painfull time of year for many people and families, there is more than enough hurt to go around,but in order to avoid future hurt with your partner you need to take advantage of this and use it as "jumping on" point to start a meaningfull productive dialog about what you both did and did and why ?
Cheating happens when someone isn't getting what they need in there relationship ( I am eliminating a sexual addiction because from what you say it was once). I can understand your "revenge cheat" it happens more than any of us could really know because its not something you tell someone well having coffee casually .

What is obvious is you really don't know your partner as well as you should , because a relationship, partnership or marriage is very much give and take and openness of sharing yourself with your partner , it not share when it's convenient or when times are good , its share always , so when things completely suck you have someone to ease the load ,and to rejoice and celebrate when things are better. So break out the honesty and talk about this now before it happens again , find out what need your partner had that you were not meeting and why , how can you do better & how you both communicate these things so you can grow together instead of apart .Make this a happy holiday season as communicating partners with hope for the future together you are a whole , sort this out now , wounds fester and grow worse , you need to get to the bottom of your relationship so you can build it up , you cannot build a house ,a bridge, or a relationship without a foundation of honesty & love ,if you don't find yourselves now you won't later either .So this is your opportunity to advance your relationship, by finding out how and why you got here and where are we going from here . I am experienced both in relationships in my own life and as mediator trying to turn irreconcilable differences into hearing what each others needs & wants are and listening to what each other is really saying( you'll need that so when your old and gray you can finish each others thoughts silently or to others)
Wishing you the best ,and hoping you will do the rest in your words to your partner.

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Sounds like a horrible bully, you begged him not to and he went ahead anyway? that's a really cruel thing to do,

To be blunt it sounds like your relationship is over. Both of you are already cheating on each other even before you're married. The core of a marriage is trust and honesty, in both regards it doesn't seem to be working well for you guys. You and your partner should really consider sitting down and honestly communicate with each other. It's going to be up to you guys if you can salvage your relationship but I would highly recommend couples counseling before you continue with this relationship.

What bothers me the most in your relationship with him is that he must have said he was going to cheat with this individual, since you asked him not to. That's no way to start a marriage. As others have said, it's also abusive. I would not continue in this relationship without getting some serious marriage or pre-marriage counseling. Even with going to counseling, can you expect him to change what seems to be a big character flaw, that of cruelty?

What everyone else had said with bells on.

You can’t stay in a relationship this unhappy & unhealthy. It’s completely toxic. It’s already over, you’re both just dragging it on.

Either you’re scared of being alone or it’s more convienent to stay together than break up, but it’s sad that you’ve accepted being unhappy.
Hope everything gets sorted soon.

Don’t waste your life on someone who doesn’t respect you x

Thank you all for your relationship advice. I really really appreciate them. Before I read your comments, I was really convinced that we can work things out. But after reading all of them, I realized that who am I kiddling? I'm just hurting myself for trying to hold on to him. He is actually back in Canada because he asked for a cool off in our relationship. I guess that's a start. If he comes back to me and agreed to do counseling, I might give it a try just for the sake of trying since we are already engaged. I still believe that he is my soulmate so if it really doesn't work after counseling, I'm done. I know that it would be super hard to recover but I will be giving myself a favor.

If you have to end it , life isn't over , I have dated many married 2 , divorced 1 became a widower with the 2nd, got back on my horse started dating again found a good decent woman so I thought, she dumped me as I was starting to show signs of problem with my health , I still had 2 years good able bodied years as man , I sat alone crying because she broke my heart , not enjoying the last two years of a productive life . I moved on I dated again have a great G/F , its water under the bridge . You can and will do the same thing its part of survival and getting on with life ,as far as we know we get 1 life for a finite period that's not guarranted in any way that you will have a tommorow , so enjoy today and if tommorow comes live it to the fullest ,no regrets it's to late then , do the living and loving today .

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I quite liked Marka's (not so) 'goofy math' so...

12 out of 12 respondents don't hold out much, if any, hope for your relationship.

Make that 13 out 13 respondents don't hold out much... and that might just be your unlucky number.

I hope you find a better man mothering.

I hope you find someone much better than him