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Struggling wife of baby... any helpful advise?

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wifeofbaby

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Hi Community,

I'm hoping you can help me with some suggestions. I've been married to an adult baby for several years and am STILL struggling with the fantasy.

Logically, I like the idea of the fantasy and even used to play with him, but am getting discouraged because it is not getting easier or more fun for me. I have quite a few big irks about it...
1) It is just weird seeing my handsome husband dressed as a baby girl. I miss my husband when he changes
2) I don't like how much the supplies and outfits costs. He doesn't want to go out to dinner to save money, but then will easily spend $100 on an outfit or diapers.
4) When we're in fantasy, I have to talk a LOT during hand jobs. I'm a more quite person, so talking about a fantasy that isn't even mine feels like pulling teeth. I inwardly groan every time we start playing.
4) I feel like our fantasy sex is equal too... or even a little more than our regular sex. Sometimes I feel like he is more attracted to this fantasy than he is to me.

He's ready to give up the fantasy cause it's making me so unhappy, but if there is a way to overcome my above aversions to it, then I would like to try. I feel awful for feeling awful! He's a great husband and deserves to have a place he can "escape" the responsibility for a time... but I am having a hard time supporting him.

Thanks for any help or suggestions,
Wifeofbaby
 
Hi Wifeifbaby! Looks like this is your first post - Welcome! We are a support group and can help you with situations like this.

I, personally, am not an AB but there are many who are here at ADISC. They will be along in due time with better advice.

Have you heard of a book called There's A Baby In My Bed? Someone here recommended it and if you don't already have it, it might be worth a read. Also, communication is the key to any relationship. Have you talked to your husband about the money involved and the age play? Maybe there should be a compromise such aa you go out to dinner this month and he can have an outfit next month.

Much more advice coming soon...
 
Hi and welcome to the site. I'm AB/DL and my wife was supportive of it but didn't directly engage. My personal feeling is that your relationship between regular sex and adult baby sex is out of balance. If your husband is willing to give it all up, would you both be willing to curtail the number of times he's in regression, baby girl mode? It seems reasonable to me that you have three or four regular sex encounters to one baby girl encounter, or something along those lines.

Obviously, this is something that the two of you need to discuss and come up with a plan that works for both of you. When my wife was alive, I was just glad to be able to wear diapers in the house. We all have different needs I suppose and your husband's is more extreme than many others on this site. Still, his need is real so if you can help him realize it but in a frequency that you're comfortable with, you both can continue on with things that you both can enjoy.
 
I am a female DL with only a small hint of AB, but I'll be glad to give my thoughts.

1. I can 100% identify with you missing your husband when he is acting like a baby girl. I am not attracted to dresses and girlie stuff. What is the point of my doing my hair and nails and putting on hose and a dress if my husband would rather do that himself than appreciate what I do to look nice for him? I like my husband to have short hair and facial hair so there is no question about who is the lady in the family.

2. Cost. I can relate to this one as well. I have always been stingy with my money. I hate wasting money on going out when I know the money could pay a bill or two. There are ways to cut costs. My favorite is to use cloth diapers but that would be no fun for you and not very fair since it isn't your hobby. What about sewing an outfit for his Christmas present or finding something cute at Goodwill. You would be amazed at how many men shop for feminine clothing at Goodwill.

3. Talking during hand jobs? Doesn't sound like AB to me. What is a baby girl doing having sex, having a male organ, or engaging in adult fantasy? Every person is different so I'm not going to say it can't happen but to me it sounds like two separate fantasies.

4. I know in the moment it can feel like something else may have his attention but you are a super saint for doing what you do. I'm sure this man appreciates everything and worships the ground you walk on. Sometimes it is just hard to express in a way you are able to understand. Most guys in his situation are not so lucky. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so loving and understanding.

The things you mentioned sound like typical relationship issues for healthy couples to work through. Finances and sex are hot topics that are easy to have misunderstandings about. I encourage you to take more time to communicate these things and maybe even involve a counselor of some kind if there is not some resolution. I pray that there is a quick resolution as a counselor may be embarrassing and may not understand the issue. The book mentioned above may be a good idea as a step before counseling as the author fully understands the issues.

Sent from my LGL31L using Tapatalk
 
Welcome to the site. What can I say to you that will help? I'm not sure but I hope my perspective might at least give you some insight. I'm an adult baby/little, but it is a fantasy tightly integrated with my sexuality. But I'm the same gender toddler in fantasy as I am as an adult (male). I am currently going through a divorce (though this aspect of myself was not the primary cause). What I can tell you is for some men with these fantasies, me included, there is perhaps no greater, deeper expression of your love than to engage in what you are doing for him. My ex pretty much never did and that hurt a lot. So, although he is not directly engaging with you as an adult when you act out these fantasies, his attraction is to you and the unconditional love you are giving him at that moment. The fantasy may be one of the deepest ways he connects with you. If it's like it is for me, you are making love directly to his soul.

That said, I for one would have been extremely grateful and would have moved mountains to have someone indulge in this for me. In any healthy relationship, there needs to be balance and both partners should have their needs met. Only you know how to talk with him about this, but as dogboy said, maybe 1 of these encounters for every 4-5 "regular" sex encounters or whatever it is that meets your needs. You are doing a heavy lift for him, for sure - know that what you are doing is extremely special and know that he should appreciate and respect that to the core.

I wish you both the best and I hope he appreciates how much you love him.

Be well.
 
"There's A Baby In My Bed?" is a fantastic book, highly recommended
Not so fun when the police pull you over and find a copy in the boot. It happened.
 
Do you think your attitude toward 'playing' with your husband would change significantly if he didn't dress as a little girl? If he just wore diapers and gender-neutral AB clothing, would you 'miss' the 'big' husband quite so much? While I realize the LG clothing is likely a big part of your husband's fantasy, it might be worth trying to minimize the LG clothing or eliminate it altogether. The expense also decreases exponentially; if you're just buying diapers, being an infantilist is a lot cheaper!

As others have pointed out, I'm not sure there's a way to 'blend' AB play and sexual activity. I think for most of us, while we may long for that sort of release, once we have it, it ruins the regression scenario rather quickly.

I'll echo what TabulaRosa has said and tell you how rare you are. If your husband doesn't show you much in the way of appreciation, that might change as well. For a low-verbal person, communicating the need for appreciation is often difficult, but there are ways to leave less-than-subtle hints that will help him understand that any relationship is something of a two-way street.

Best wishes!
 
wifeofbaby said:
I'm hoping you can help me with some suggestions. I've been married to an adult baby for several years and am STILL struggling with the fantasy.

Logically, I like the idea of the fantasy and even used to play with him, but am getting discouraged because it is not getting easier or more fun for me.

First I hope to free you from a misconception. Your husbands kink does not not need to be your kink. Your acceptance of his fetish is enough. If it makes you uncomfortable and he is still insisting that you indulge him then he is damaging the relationship. It is wonderful that you are willing to engage your husband in these activities and you should be applauded for your willingness to give so much of yourself to your partner.

Having given to him you may need to ask what he is willing to give to the relationship, to you, if all he does is take then the relationship is parasitic and unhealthy.

On the other hand you say that he is willing to give it up for you. This is not a viable option. Fetishes are a part of a persons psychological makeup and you can no more change that than ask him to grow six inches taller. However, the fact that he is willing to try is encouraging as juxtaposed to the doom and gloom of a failing relationship I alluded to a moment ago.

What we need to focus on now is balance. What can he do to make you feel special and loved. Do you even know what you want so that he may reciprocate and meet your needs or fulfill a fantasy of yours? My experience is that when someone is loved and catered to otherwise, they are more than willing to offer some small sacrifices to please their partner and will take enjoyment from their pleasure rather than the act. This may be as simple as taking a break from the fetish for a time that you both agree to. This may act two fold in that it will give you a chance to rest and recharge your emotional batteries, and will build anticipation in him that he may better enjoy the next time you two play together.

Now on to the specifics you mentioned.

wifeofbaby said:
1) It is just weird seeing my handsome husband dressed as a baby girl. I miss my husband when he changes.

Sure, you have an image of your husband that you fell in love with. It is important that you understand that to a large degree you fell in love with the idea of the person rather than the person you got. Unless you dated for many years it is difficult to work past what we see or want to see in someone and love them foibles and flaws included. We more often gloss over the rough patches and focus on what we like or want in the person.

If you can mentally engage and realize that regardless of the baby dress and booties this is still the handsome man you married. Clothes alter your perception of a person, not the person. If someone broke into my house in the night they are about to fight a biker whether I'm wearing a leather vest or a diaper and a T-Shirt. It just may be harder for them to accept getting an ass kicking from a guy wearing a printed diaper with cartoon puppies on them.




wifeofbaby said:
2) I don't like how much the supplies and outfits costs. He doesn't want to go out to dinner to save money, but then will easily spend $100 on an outfit or diapers.

This a guy issue regardless of a fetish I'll fuss about my wife spending money on shoes or a fifth winter coat and not bat an eye at dropping money on my bike or new leathers.

Good communication can help this by conveying the importance of the expenditure. For instance a night out including dinner and a play may make you feel as special as he does when you indulge his kink.




wifeofbaby said:
When we're in fantasy, I have to talk a LOT during hand jobs. I'm a more quite person, so talking about a fantasy that isn't even mine feels like pulling teeth. I inwardly groan every time we start playing.

Communication, negotiation, more communication, and more negotiation. I cannot stress how important it is to communicate and openly discuss your likes and dislikes. Needs and desires, likes and dislikes, soft limits and hard limits must be set. This is a scene much like playing a part in a movie or TV series and how the stage is set and the actions of those involved must be considered. You have obviously stepped outside of your comfort zone, but have you ever wondered how much of it was necessary? Do you need to stop doing something,at least for now, because it is beyond your comfort zone? Can he meet you half way? Is this a need that he can meet for himself while you leave the room to do something else for a few minutes and then return to complete the scene?




wifeofbaby said:
I feel like our fantasy sex is equal too... or even a little more than our regular sex.

This gets back to balance and having your needs met. You are obviously unsatisfied and there is no justification for a husband neglecting his wife.




wifeofbaby said:
Sometimes I feel like he is more attracted to this fantasy than he is to me.

This is a red flag. This concerns me more than anything else you've said. Have you verbalized this to him? Have you two been to see a kink aware marriage counselor? Even if he is not willing to go, I would advise that you go alone to try to work through this. This is the issue that can kill the relationship. Feeling; loved, appreciated, valued, desired, or whatever other term you wish to apply to your situation is critical to a relationship. Even if it is the furthest thing from the truth, the fact that you feel it means that it must be dealt with before you hit the edge that once you go over there is nothing that will bring you back because emotionally you've hit empty and the relationship that you so valued and nurtured is dead.
 
I always wonder about these posts, put up by someone that just appeared on scene, BUT, I'm going to overcome my initial thoughts, because the conversations are, or will be, important for those that follow. Sorry for coming at it that way wifeofbABy, but the world has been ruined by the trolls.

OK, str8 DL, married ~30 years, no pacis, binkies, or 👗.in our home, so, consider the source. First, I wanna say, I feel your pain, much as I feel my wife's, and my own. We've had our ups and downs, sexually & otherwise. I know, at one point, she blurted out, during an argument, about having a husband in diapers forever, and how it hurt... Same could be said for your hubby, and the dresses w/diapers, I'm sure. It's so friggen complicated! One thing I don't think my wife ever truly figured out is that I'd welcome all sexual experiences & advances, whether they be related to my kink, or not. She has tended to think that without diapers, I'm sexless, which is definitely not true. Maybe it's different for me, but I'm turned on by 100 things, but diapers are just my go-to for an easy turn on. Nobody wants to really have to work hard to make sex fun, I don't think. I believe we'd all like it to just be natural, and not pushed. As others have indicated, his kink is not necessarily your kink, as it is with my wife & myself, but it can be a touchstone that leads to other intimacies, if you work it right. I shudder to say this, but maybe you might have to cross the lines, and play with a wacky lesbian love fantasy, or even mommy pegging her diapered babygirl, to break through his & your conception about "typical" lovemaking, and really delve deep into kink, just to prove to each other how far you are willing to travel, to reach deep into each other's soul. It sounds nuts, I know, but it can be something that crosses all boundaries, and forever links you to each other. It can be something that gets pulled out of the hat, on rare occasions, leaving typical man-woman relations for other occasions & opportunities. I think of a jar full of "scenes", where one partner reaches their hand in, and comes up with the piece of paper, spelling out how next weekend is going to be played out, giving each a chance to prep & anticipate. I know this is a bit of off-the-wall advice, but it's more about turning the fantasy into a version of reality that both partner's have a role in making happen, hoping to keep that 💓 love 💕💕 alive, and fresh.

Does this make any sense?
 
Jamieboy said:
I always wonder about these posts, put up by someone that just appeared on scene, BUT, I'm going to overcome my initial thoughts, because the conversations are, or will be, important for those that follow. Sorry for coming at it that way wifeofbABy, but the world has been ruined by the trolls.

OK, str8 DL, married ~30 years, no pacis, binkies, or ��.in our home, so, consider the source. First, I wanna say, I feel your pain, much as I feel my wife's, and my own. We've had our ups and downs, sexually & otherwise. I know, at one point, she blurted out, during an argument, about having a husband in diapers forever, and how it hurt... Same could be said for your hubby, and the dresses w/diapers, I'm sure. It's so friggen complicated! One thing I don't think my wife ever truly figured out is that I'd welcome all sexual experiences & advances, whether they be related to my kink, or not. She has tended to think that without diapers, I'm sexless, which is definitely not true. Maybe it's different for me, but I'm turned on by 100 things, but diapers are just my go-to for an easy turn on. Nobody wants to really have to work hard to make sex fun, I don't think. I believe we'd all like it to just be natural, and not pushed. As others have indicated, his kink is not necessarily your kink, as it is with my wife & myself, but it can be a touchstone that leads to other intimacies, if you work it right. I shudder to say this, but maybe you might have to cross the lines, and play with a wacky lesbian love fantasy, or even mommy pegging her diapered babygirl, to break through his & your conception about "typical" lovemaking, and really delve deep into kink, just to prove to each other how far you are willing to travel, to reach deep into each other's soul. It sounds nuts, I know, but it can be something that crosses all boundaries, and forever links you to each other. It can be something that gets pulled out of the hat, on rare occasions, leaving typical man-woman relations for other occasions & opportunities. I think of a jar full of "scenes", where one partner reaches their hand in, and comes up with the piece of paper, spelling out how next weekend is going to be played out, giving each a chance to prep & anticipate. I know this is a bit of off-the-wall advice, but it's more about turning the fantasy into a version of reality that both partner's have a role in making happen, hoping to keep that �� love ���� alive, and fresh.

Does this make any sense?

Wow...great advice. I love the part about the jar and the scenes, may have to give that a go myself.

Personally, I felt guilty (sounds weird) that my wife is so on board with this stuff. It is almost like I have something that makes me truly happy and she indulges me in that fantasy and gets so little in return (except knowing that she has made me happy).

So what we did was order a really nice massage table. We have 'little' nights and we have nights that are centered around her. Relaxing massage and then get to do whatever she wants for the evening.

She is still getting used to the fact I am wearing them from the time I get home from work until the next morning. I think she much prefers me to go commando under my shorts when I am home ;)

K
 
@Kijika - thanks... Yeah, I think it would be fun for couples to have a sit down, and write out those scenes together, or even just allow the other person to drop new ideas into the jar, as the idea hits!

I've always had a desire to just be touched in ANY WAY, shape, or form, and those suggestions should be in the jar, too, but kinky new stuff would almost certainly bring a smile, and a great release. If it didn't work out, toss the idea. If it did, toss it back in the jar for the future!

- - - Updated - - -

BTW, the massage table, GREAT IDEA!
 
Thank you everyone!

Call me a #newbie... but I cannot figure out how to directly post back to each comment.... I wrote a bunch of nice responses... but then noticed they weren't posting.... ?

Oh well, I'll try it this way instead & hope you see this thank you

Scaramouche Thank you for the welcome & advice! I'll check out the book you suggested.

dogboy Thanks for the advise, I think the 1 to 3/4 times ratio is pretty reasonable. Hopefully he agrees when I talk to him about it :p

Fascinating Thank you! A large portion of your post directly reflects exactly how I feel! Which makes me feel like at least I'm not alone. I appreciate the advice on money - those are some great ideas. I hope this is resolves soon too!

TabulaRasa2017 I really appreciate the heartfelt post. Unconditional love is something that we all need and sometimes I forget about giving. Thanks for adding perspective to this issue from more of his angle. It definitely helps me re-center around how he might be feeling about this.

AriGold Haha! That must have been funny/awkward. Thanks for the suggestion!

sbmccue I've made some suggestions along those lines to him, but his fantasy is pretty much set in stone, not a lot of wiggle room/negotiation. Communicating is extremely difficult. Usually I avoid it, and then when I do talk, I end up hurting his feelings! So that makes me even more nervous to bring anything up the next time and it's a bad cycle. Hoping with the support of this group there will be some good ideas and we can agree on a compromise that works for both of us.

Khaymen Thanks for your post. I appreciate the time you put into it. There are so many different points that I could comment on that I don't know where to start or end, so I'll just say thank you. I appreciate you sharing your opinion.

Jamieboy My skeptical friend! Thanks for posting anyway. The only reason I joined was to post this question, so I'm glad you ignored the warning signs & gave some advice anyway. I actually accused my husband of "diapers forever" as well back when he wore them EVERY NIGHT. Drove me insane. I thought he'd forget how to hold it and I'd be stuck with a diapered man forever. So he stopped that... He's actually talked to me about pegging... Sort of pushed me right off the edge. I get stuck in the worry & the unhappiness & the lack of foundation I feel.... but you also helped me with a spin on a different track I could think along. Instead of worry, I could think about it as "how far will I travel to reach his soul". The problem is sometimes I feel like sexually, he's not willing to travel 2 inches to reach my soul, but here I am going 1 million miles out of my comfort zone for him. Takes me back to an earlier post about unconditional love... you're right... "it is so friggen complicated!" I do believe you are correct that if I could just overcome my aversion, he & I would be linked with a bond that is uncommon / forever links us. I love the scenes in a jar idea! Thank you for your thought provoking post
 
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wifeofbaby said:
Logically, I like the idea of the fantasy and even used to play with him, but am getting discouraged because it is not getting easier or more fun for me. I have quite a few big irks about it...
1) It is just weird seeing my handsome husband dressed as a baby girl. I miss my husband when he changes
2) I don't like how much the supplies and outfits costs. He doesn't want to go out to dinner to save money, but then will easily spend $100 on an outfit or diapers.
4) When we're in fantasy, I have to talk a LOT during hand jobs. I'm a more quite person, so talking about a fantasy that isn't even mine feels like pulling teeth. I inwardly groan every time we start playing.
4) I feel like our fantasy sex is equal too... or even a little more than our regular sex. Sometimes I feel like he is more attracted to this fantasy than he is to me.

He's ready to give up the fantasy cause it's making me so unhappy, but if there is a way to overcome my above aversions to it, then I would like to try.

Bearing in mind that I don't know you or your husband, take the following with a grain of salt, as I'll answer as if I were him, which I'm not. My perspective is based on my personal experiences, which are those of an AB/DL who is too shy to share his fantasies with anyone in real life. My ex-GF, when I shared my fantasies with her seemed open to the idea, to some extent, yet I didn't feel comfortable involving her in all this mess (pun intended).

1. From the male perspective, that is a major point that seemed problematic to me. M/F relationships being what they are, I felt like getting my SO to indulge in my fantasies also meant giving up part of who I was supposed to be, from a "macho" point of view. ie.: She was a mother of two (preteens) and was done with diapers and babies and while she claimed to be willing to indulge my fantasies, it didn't feel right for me, for her to do so, for the exact reason that you mention, which is that I felt I wouldn't be the "man" she deserved to be with if I behaved like a baby and she like a mommy.

2. For this one, bear in mind that I once was a drug addict and a gambler. $100 is nothing, literally. Most of us make that in a day and some of us can easily spend that in an hour, I figure, at least, I know I do. That said, if he's willing to spend $100 on outfits/diapers, (what he likes) but not on a romantic meal (what you like), then I perfectly understand why you're not liking it, and you're certainly right not to like it. I personally believe you (as a couple) should have an equal budget dedicated to both your "adult" relationship and your "mommy/baby" relationship.

3. Now this one is up to you. I know my ex said she'd be willing to give my fetish a try, to make me happy, but I felt like I was imposing it on her and that didn't feel right by me, so we never did. Your man is very lucky to have you for a wife, considering you're willing to do something you couldn't care less about, just to make him happy and I hope he understand how lucky he is. If he doesn't, you should make sure he understands how you feel about it all, at the risk of offending him.

4. This one hit home for me. That's exactly how I felt with my ex. I think of myself as an asexual person. I'm not into women anymore than I'm into men, but I'm into diapers, certainly. In a way, it's a good thing that you can even have "regular sex", because that's not even a possibility for me. Kind of like for #2, you should discuss with your husband and make sure he indulges into what you want as much as you indulge into what he wants, otherwise, that's not a fair relationship.

In any case, I don't think it's realistic to ask or expect him to give up this aspect of his life, chances are he'll just keep doing it behind your back either way. That said, if it really makes you unhappy, then it's up to you to figure what to do next. Being unhappy to make him happy is an understandable sacrifice if you truly love him (and you certainly do, otherwise you wouldn't be here), but if you really have an aversion to his fetish, I'm not sure how you could possibly manage this, on the long run. Keep in mind this advice comes from someone who decided to give up on his relationship rather than work to integrate my fetish into it, but in the end, if what makes him happy makes you unhappy, I don't see how things will work out over time, unless he compensates by doing everything he can to make you happy, without giving up what makes him happy.

Think of it like food. Let's pretend you have an aversion to pizza, which is what he likes the most. If you never eat pizza with him, he'll eat pizza alone, or with someone else, while if he forces you to eat pizza all the time, you'll eventually hate him for forcing you to eat it. ie.: Find a middle ground and hope you can both stick to it. I don't think he can really give up his fetish (then again, I don't know him, but I know I couldn't), but as long as he understands how lucky he is to have someone that is willing to indulge him once in a while, he should reciprocate by indulging you once in a while just the same, in my humble opinion.
 
wifeofbaby, please re-read punkboy19's last paragraph. I wish I'd written it; it's sage wisdom. Best wishes!
 
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