Advice about informing my family.

Felix · Dec 2, 2017

Hey guys, so I have struggled with a "Weak Bladder" my entire life, and it has recently reached a point where I need to wear light protection throughout the day in order to catch the occasional leak or accident. I am quite young and it is unusual for someone my age to develop this kind of problem.

I was hoping for advice on when or if I should inform my family about this condition. I spend a great deal of time with my family and I'm worried that they will discover it themselves during a family event or something. Is this a valid concern? Should I inform them? Should I keep it secret as long as I can?

I'm looking forward to any suggestions or help.

Slomo · Dec 2, 2017

Felix said:
Hey guys, so I have struggled with a "Weak Bladder" my entire life, and it has recently reached a point where I need to wear light protection throughout the day in order to catch the occasional leak or accident. I am quite young and it is unusual for someone my age to develop this kind of problem.

I was hoping for advice on when or if I should inform my family about this condition. I spend a great deal of time with my family and I'm worried that they will discover it themselves during a family event or something. Is this a valid concern? Should I inform them? Should I keep it secret as long as I can?

I'm looking forward to any suggestions or help.

It probably is better for you to mention it. Just think if you don't, it's extremely likely they will figure it out sooner or later anyways. Do you want them to jump to some misconclusion for your wearing a diaper/pullup? Do you also want to keep stressing over them finding out too? Do you really not trust their judgement that much you don't believe they could possibly understand you need them?

DL1989 · Dec 2, 2017

If I ever got to the point that I needed diapers every day too not just at night I think I would talk to my family about it too. As of right now only my last four long term committed girlfriends know I need protection at night as it would have not been possible to hide it from them.

MotherFaith · Dec 2, 2017

Felix said:
H I am quite young and it is unusual for someone my age to develop this kind of problem.....I spend a great deal of time with my family and I'm worried that they will discover it themselves.

Hey Felix, thanks for sharing. These kinds of issues can be very difficult and I am glad you have decided to not just bottle it up. If we do not look to deal with these things quickly they can get out of control and become harder to resolve. The last thing you need is to be looking back with any kind of regret or feeling you made an incorrect choice. I have never been incontinent so anything I respond with on this thread is from knowledge learnt from others and my general experience from being in this community. I hope that someone with much more first hand knowledge and experience will be able to help more.

You have mentioned that you are young to be experiencing bladder issues, and while they may be the case in a very general sense, medical situations can arise at any age. Our bodies are not governed by time and although I understand your feelings do not be disheartened just yet. I wanted to pick up on the actual issue at hand, you have mentioned that you are using light protection, so I am comfortable in assuming we are not talking full on loss of control here. It sounds like that at the moment you are doing well in managing the situation but you're worried about the future.

It is a possibility that the issues may become worse or more frequent over time. If this were to happen I guess inevitably people will start to find out one way or another, probably because you will need to switch up to heavier protection depending on the circumstances. All that being said and being so young, I would like to think that a visit to the doctors would be very valuable for you. I would like to think that this may be something very treatable, hopefully with some medicine and a different routine. Maybe you need to start doing muscle exercises to strengthen the bladder or change your diet in some way. My understanding is that there is an array of treatments out there for incontinence now and people can be treated by specialist nurses who can guide you.

It would not be a good idea to just cope and manage a situation that has the potential to get worse. Always look for help early when medical issues are concerned. If the doctors can find a treatment you may be able to stop wearing protection altogether and nobody in your family needs to know anything about it. If there is no easy solution or treatment, then as Slomo says, you may need to begin explaining to your family. Carrying that kind of secret around can cause very serious harm to your mental health if it becomes prolonged. Letting it out can be part of the healing process, I have met many people who have explained that by just telling someone about a problem it made them feel so much better.

I do wish you the very best of luck in finding a resolution to your problem. Hopefully the doctor can set you right and you can put this behind you. If that does not happen then know that there will always be a friendly ear for you here.

ArchieRoni · Dec 2, 2017

MotherFaith said:
medical situations can arise at any age.

I think this is the key thing to keep in mind, Felix. Medical issues can happen to anyone, and my advice is that the best way to deal with them is to be honest with yourself about what you can and cannot control and figure out within those boundaries what your options are. If that means that you'll need to dispose of some diapers when around family, you might want to let at least the owner of the home know about the issue (that's probably one of your parents) so that they can provide a discreet and sanitary way to dispose of them. If it's about comfort and nerves for yourself, you might want to share the issue with other family members as well so that you can feel more relaxed and not have to be too self-conscious when around people who might get physically close.

dogboy · Dec 2, 2017

Since this is a medical issue, have you thought about seeing a doctor? You should never feel embarrassed about discussing a medical issue with your parents. They probably will suggest that you see a urologist and I think perhaps you should. Sometimes it's hard to find the reason and causes of incontinence but sometimes there are obvious problems, and those should be addressed.

Rob110 · Dec 3, 2017

Hi Felix
unfortunately incontinence issues can start at any age sorry you have to deal with it at only 20, when my bladder issue first started only my wife and doctor knew once I needed full taped diapers 24/7 I decided to tell all my family and close friends since they would find out one way or another anyways.

Start with your mom and dad and be open and honest, if you have seen an urologist already let them know when you tell them let them know you have a medical issue you want to discuss and that its not life threatening or any thing seriously wrong this way they wont start to panic. Then tell them you have seen your doctor and an urologist and that you are experiencing blader issues and need to wear protection. if they ask about meds to control your bladder let them know they are not 100% efective more like 50/50 and you would need to wear any ways.

once you tell a few people it gets easier to talk about it, its been way easier to accept and deal with having to west diapers since all my family now now knows no more hiding the need for diapers or having to take a back back with me every where we go.

Felix · Dec 3, 2017

Slomo said:
It probably is better for you to mention it. Just think if you don't, it's extremely likely they will figure it out sooner or later anyways. Do you want them to jump to some misconclusion for your wearing a diaper/pullup? Do you also want to keep stressing over them finding out too? Do you really not trust their judgement that much you don't believe they could possibly understand you need them?

It's not so much that they wouldn't understand the need, it's that my family is incredibly judgemental and easily misunderstands simple situations. I've dealt with minor urinary issues my entire life, but my parents always demanded the impossible of me and completely disregarded medical advice. As far as they are concerned, I'm just not trying hard enough "fix the problem". To tell them that my symptoms have reached this point could have serious social consequences for me.

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dogboy said:
Since this is a medical issue, have you thought about seeing a doctor? You should never feel embarrassed about discussing a medical issue with your parents. They probably will suggest that you see a urologist and I think perhaps you should. Sometimes it's hard to find the reason and causes of incontinence but sometimes there are obvious problems, and those should be addressed.

I have struggled with urinary problems my entire life, really. As a kid there were no solid answers, and even if I could afford more tests I highly doubt they would be fruitful. As a kid, they just told me to do kegels and try to hold it longer to strengthen the muscles, but into my adult life it has become more and more difficult to control small leaks, and more inconvenient to use the restroom so often. The early consensus was that it was just a birth defect or weakness, as I had a lot of health problems when I was born. I really only need light protection for urge leaks and stress leaks, so it's not too difficult to keep discrete, but the possibility is still there for discovery.

Slomo · Dec 3, 2017

Felix said:
It's not so much that they wouldn't understand the need, it's that my family is incredibly judgemental and easily misunderstands simple situations. I've dealt with minor urinary issues my entire life, but my parents always demanded the impossible of me and completely disregarded medical advice. As far as they are concerned, I'm just not trying hard enough "fix the problem". To tell them that my symptoms have reached this point could have serious social consequences for me.

Exactly, incredibly judgmental and easily misunderstanding. Exactly how judgmental and misunderstanding do you honestly think they will be WHEN (not if), they stumble across your supplies, or on their own realize you are wearing a diaper? Telling them is exactly what is going to give you the preemptive chance to set them straight- before they come to any misconclusions of their own.

You just have to make sure you explain it in a full and logical manner that doesn't leave room for misconclusions. IF your parents still manage to though, then that isn't your fault and you've probably done all you can by that point.

Felix · Dec 3, 2017

Partly this situation is my own fault, however. I decided to wear protection over other avenues because of the risks related to taking medication, and of course my enjoyment of diapers themselves. I weighed the options and decided that I would rather wear diapers and risk the problem getting worse, than risk medications or surgeries. I am fully at peace with myself in this decision, and other options are out of the question. I do, however, believe that I shouldn't involve others without it being absolutely necessary. I appreciate everyone's input, and will take it into consideration, I now at least have a way to start the conversation and maybe keep my family life intact.

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Slomo said:
Exactly, incredibly judgmental and easily misunderstanding. Exactly how judgmental and misunderstanding do you honestly think they will be WHEN (not if), they stumble across your supplies, or on their own realize you are wearing a diaper? Telling them is exactly what is going to give you the preemptive chance to set them straight- before they come to any misconclusions of their own.

You just have to make sure you explain it in a full and logical manner that doesn't leave room for misconclusions. IF your parents still manage to though, then that isn't your fault and you've probably done all you can by that point.

You may be right, and I appreciate your response. To be clear, I am an independent adult and haven't lived with my family for nearly three years, so I have been effectively hiding it for a while, but my family doesn't value personal space the way that I do, so I still appreciate the advice. I'll have to think about this, maybe try to settle things before the new year.

Slomo · Dec 3, 2017

Felix said:
Partly this situation is my own fault, however. I decided to wear protection over other avenues because of the risks related to taking medication, and of course my enjoyment of diapers themselves. I weighed the options and decided that I would rather wear diapers and risk the problem getting worse, than risk medications or surgeries. I am fully at peace with myself in this decision, and other options are out of the question. I do, however, believe that I shouldn't involve others without it being absolutely necessary. I appreciate everyone's input, and will take it into consideration, I now at least have a way to start the conversation and maybe keep my family life intact.

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You may be right, and I appreciate your response. To be clear, I am an independent adult and haven't lived with my family for nearly three years, so I have been effectively hiding it for a while, but my family doesn't value personal space the way that I do, so I still appreciate the advice. I'll have to think about this, maybe try to settle things before the new year.

Been there, done that. I lived away from my parents for three years, diapered 24/7 none the less (and in the Marines too boot!). When I temporarily moved back in with them I knew there was no hiding it forever so I decided to tell them right off the bat. sure enough, a week or so later I absentmindedly left a used rolled up diaper in the bathroom. My mom found it, and thankfully knew to about my diapers, so she didn't freak out. If anything, I was the more embarrassed (and even a little more confused) than her.