mrlibrary said:A "why did I put all that out on the internet" moment...sigh.
mrlibrary said:I know, I'm sorry. I apologize for deleting it. That was unfair of me. My crap memory won't let me reconstruct it.
Short version: Older guy, retired vet, have had dl/regression fantasies/paraphilia since early childhood, now having bowel urge incontinence issues and dealing with the guilt/shame/etc and trying to think of the positives of it. Decided I need to start wearing a diaper while working a job that requires long distance driving and meeting customers at the end of the drive.
So finally did that this weekend. It wasn't so bad. I have a discreet setup, and actually, it's pretty comfortable. Didn't have any accidents, (they're not common (yet, anyway), once every few or couple weeks maybe for the last year) so no messes to clean up.
It gives one a very nice feeling that is a mix of vulnerable-but-protected. Like riding the edge of what a little calls "littlespace" but never out of your adult mindset or awareness. Kind of surprisingly, though I AM getting older and the libido isn't what it once was, there was very little sexual feeling about it all...and that wasn't a bad thing either. Time was, just thinking of wearing a diaper would be a turn-on. Now considering if I need/want to just wear a diaper at home and to bed too and not have to worry so much there.
For the last year, I've been working with my diet to find a cause, tried supplements and whatnot. Not stopped the problem. Finally just talked to my doctor and have scheduled a colonoscopy. Then I suppose a gastro doc and see from there.
So, dealing with the problem, working through the emotional baggage.
mrlibrary said:It's a bit amazing, I suppose, that after nearly 6 decades it still has the power to command my awareness, attention, and mood the way it does...even after discounting the sexuality angle.
So true.Slomo said:Try to also think of diapers as NOT being some kind of ball and chain that displays shame and embarrassment to those around you. Instead, think of diapers as a concealed little device that help free you to continue and move on with your life.
mrlibrary said:So I went in to talk to my doctor this afternoon at the V.A. When we're done, she hands me my checkout sheet, and a big line says: "Incontinent of bowel x 1 year". It's like this big machine suddenly put a big label on me, officially making me a poopy-pants in the V.A.'s eyes. I'm thinking: "wait...what about all the times I made it to the toilet?" Nope...one strike (or a dozen) and you're incontinent, it seems.
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