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Thread: Having a hard time dealing with unexplained incontinence.

  1. #1

    Default Having a hard time dealing with unexplained incontinence.

    So, I thought maybe it would be a bit therapeutic to get my thoughts out here, in full.

    I'm 20 years old. 5'11" and around 240, so not in the best of shape, but that tends to be the body style of everyone in my family. Even when I was in the Navy, my lowest was around 208 and I was in great shape.

    I've always drank a large volume of fluids, I was the kid that would finish his glass of whatever I was drinking before I got halfway through my meal, so I was used to going to the bathroom a lot. My family has a history of Type II Diabetes, but I've never tested positive for anything that would show that.

    And then, around eight months ago, I started to notice that I'd dribble slightly if I got up to go to the bathroom. Within a month and a half, I had issues being able to hold urine at all, as well as control the flow once it started. It continued to progress, and now, I'm at the point where I sometimes don't even notice if I void, at least not until I'm almost done.

    I changed my diet, I went to see the doctor (who basically chalked it up to OBS, refused to look at my prostate, and gave me some Oxybutynin), I made myself do kegals hourly and take mandatory trips. I've noticed I can't hold any amount close to what I used to, and my problems extend overnight.

    Thankfully, I have a supportive and understanding family. My mother has even gone so far as to help me pick out the right diapers to use, and paid for them, seeing as I had to quit my job recently and move home to take care of other family members. This does create a dilemma, however, seeing as she prefers I use something discreet, and the things that are more discreet don't work quite as well as I'd like them to.

    I haven't had any insurance, so when I have some again I'll be able to see a doctor. The only possible explanation I can find, even if it is far fetched, is that the Navy had me go through a Cystoscopy near the end of boot camp, about a year before the more severe symptoms started to show up. I was used to going often already, so frequency probably wouldn't have been an obvious sign to me.

    I'm honestly just scared by this, and while I've come to terms with the position I'm currently in, I struggle with it constantly. My depression (which was diagnosed for the first time when I was in advanced training, leading to my discharge) makes things difficult already, but to cope with everything I've reached out to groups who might understand. As a result, I've started to enjoy things like diapers and take comfort in the atmosphere that these communities have, but it brings about a lot of guilt as well.

    Well, I just wanted to get that all out there. If you guys have any advice or words to share, I'd really appreciate it.

    Thanks.

  2. #2

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    Benzie,
    Millions of people have incontinence issues either regularly or occasionally, you are definitely not alone in this regard. I've struggled with urge and frequency all my life and I've always been in pretty good shape (about 5'10" and 150 lbs.). Depression is, fortunately, not something I have to deal with, though I know family members who do. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. At your age, I was dealing with debilitating anxiety. The point is your depression and my anxiety are probably related to our OAB. I know my nervous system is extremely hard on my bladder and bowels. When you get a chance and can afford it, try going to doctors to find a cause for your incontinence. As you have already found out, there are lot's of things you can try to reduce your incontinence episodes. Since I struggled so long with it and I wore diapers when I was younger, it was eventually inevitable that I would just slap a diaper on and get on with my life. I wear Northshore Premiums day and night. When I finally accepted my condition and my regular use of diapers, it was as if a large weight came off me. I'm an extremely busy and efficient person and I don't stress that much. Why? Because I'm diapered. I also realized that no one cares what kind of underwear you are wearing. My only advice is experiment with many kinds of diapers and find the one that allows you to not worry about leaks and is comfortable. Everyone's body is different. There are some really good diapers out there that don't fit me very well and others that fit me like a glove. Buy samples and find yours and get on with your life. You are not alone.
    Spaz

  3. #3

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Spaz View Post
    Benzie,
    Millions of people have incontinence issues either regularly or occasionally, you are definitely not alone in this regard. I've struggled with urge and frequency all my life and I've always been in pretty good shape (about 5'10" and 150 lbs.). Depression is, fortunately, not something I have to deal with, though I know family members who do. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. At your age, I was dealing with debilitating anxiety. The point is your depression and my anxiety are probably related to our OAB. I know my nervous system is extremely hard on my bladder and bowels. When you get a chance and can afford it, try going to doctors to find a cause for your incontinence. As you have already found out, there are lot's of things you can try to reduce your incontinence episodes. Since I struggled so long with it and I wore diapers when I was younger, it was eventually inevitable that I would just slap a diaper on and get on with my life. I wear Northshore Premiums day and night. When I finally accepted my condition and my regular use of diapers, it was as if a large weight came off me. I'm an extremely busy and efficient person and I don't stress that much. Why? Because I'm diapered. I also realized that no one cares what kind of underwear you are wearing. My only advice is experiment with many kinds of diapers and find the one that allows you to not worry about leaks and is comfortable. Everyone's body is different. There are some really good diapers out there that don't fit me very well and others that fit me like a glove. Buy samples and find yours and get on with your life. You are not alone.
    Spaz
    Thank you so much, I'm definitely trying to get in with another doctor to find a cause, it's just not easy.

    To me it's just bizarre. I think once I get things sorted, I'm buying my own padding, and I'm in with a doctor, things will get better.

    Sent from my Pixel using Tapatalk

  4. #4

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    You need a second opinion. Look into the VA. You often can get them to take you on even if you don't have a disability rating. As long as you can show you had problems while in the military, then it's service connected and you're eligable for the VA.

    Also, tell your mom two things. First, a thick diaper that has done its job is way less noticable than a thin one that has leaked. Second, cheaper diapers that need changing more often have a higher total cost than premium diapers which need changing less often. She is spending a dime to save a nickle here. Stop looking at the cost of each diaper, and look at it as a total cost per day.

  5. #5

    Default

    Depression makes dealing with any other sort of problem harder. As a lifelong sufferer from depression, I know how it magnifies every other problem into something big, and incontinence is already plenty big on its own.

    It sounds like your mom is very supportive and understanding, which is wonderful. Hopefully your relationship with her is such that you can have a talk with her about what your needs are regarding more absorbent diapers, and help her to understand that your nervousness of having a leak is more debilitating than the fear of having it noticed. She sounds like she's trying her best to look out for you, and she just needs to understand what your needs really are.

    I hope you're able to get in to see a doctor soon and get the reasons for your incontinence identified and sorted out.

  6. #6

    Default

    Slomo and Italuv, thank you so much for your responses. I understand where you're coming from when it comes to using more absorbent and better quality diapers.

    In this case, I hope I didn't misrepresent or put a bad impression out about the situation with my mother. Sure, the ones I use are more discreet and not as absorbent as better quality diapers, but I'm also doing nothing but sitting at home right this moment, and so changing more often doesn't affect me as much as it would if I were out and about.

    Just as well, there is an added benefit of using these diapers, as they are much easier to undo and refasten anytime I need to take them off. Not only does this afford me the opportunity to try and use the bathroom instead of wetting myself, but it also ensures that I don't have to choose between wasting a change and soiling myself to not waste it.

    Be that as it may, once I start my program at Job Corps, not only will I likely be getting better briefs since my state's healthcare does happen to work with North Shore (they send the north shore premiums), but Job Corps themselves is aware of my need for a medical device and will support me with that as well.

    If you have any suggestions for good quality briefs that I can undo and refasten without any issue, I would be glad to hear of it. Thank you.

    Sent from my Pixel using Tapatalk

  7. #7

    Default

    I can understand the depression and it is a major paradigm shift to go from unpadded to padded. I had some deeply buried DL tendencies so that helped me transition to 24/7 but I still get depressed over my diapers from time to time. I do feel better with them more often than not though.

    There are some benefits though. I am not panicking about finding a toilet when I'm out and about anymore since the diaper allows me to wet safely. I keep a bag of diapers in my van as well as a few plastic bags to put a dirty one in. I'll stuff a diaper and bag in my pockets when I know there may be a restroom somewhere to change. I also find them comforting.

    I have heard great things about the Northshores so you may have already have a winner there. Slomo swears by the BetterDry 24/7s but those can be a challenge to find in the US--a pity since they do sound great for side-sleepers like me. But he seems to like the Northshores as well. Hopefully with an upcoming change in my insurance, maybe I can go through Northshore--the Pro Care diapers my current insurance has me saddled with are not all that great.

    These diapers are crappy even without someone messing in them:

    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	ProCareBriefs.jpg 
Views:	6 
Size:	7.0 KB 
ID:	29927

    Job Corp can be cool. I didn't have a great time when I went but I have some deep problems stemming from a horrific childhood. I went to Tongue Point in Astoria, Oregon. If you go there you have to try out Bowpicker's fish and chips--across from the Maritime Museum, look for the gillnet boat on a trailer and the line of people wanting the best fish and chips I've ever eaten. What are you going to take when you get in? I was in the Seamanship program but I didn't graduate.

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by PaddedDeist View Post
    I can understand the depression and it is a major paradigm shift to go from unpadded to padded. I had some deeply buried DL tendencies so that helped me transition to 24/7 but I still get depressed over my diapers from time to time. I do feel better with them more often than not though.

    There are some benefits though. I am not panicking about finding a toilet when I'm out and about anymore since the diaper allows me to wet safely. I keep a bag of diapers in my van as well as a few plastic bags to put a dirty one in. I'll stuff a diaper and bag in my pockets when I know there may be a restroom somewhere to change. I also find them comforting.

    I have heard great things about the Northshores so you may have already have a winner there. Slomo swears by the BetterDry 24/7s but those can be a challenge to find in the US--a pity since they do sound great for side-sleepers like me. But he seems to like the Northshores as well. Hopefully with an upcoming change in my insurance, maybe I can go through Northshore--the Pro Care diapers my current insurance has me saddled with are not all that great.

    These diapers are crappy even without someone messing in them:

    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	ProCareBriefs.jpg 
Views:	6 
Size:	7.0 KB 
ID:	29927

    Job Corp can be cool. I didn't have a great time when I went but I have some deep problems stemming from a horrific childhood. I went to Tongue Point in Astoria, Oregon. If you go there you have to try out Bowpicker's fish and chips--across from the Maritime Museum, look for the gillnet boat on a trailer and the line of people wanting the best fish and chips I've ever eaten. What are you going to take when you get in? I was in the Seamanship program but I didn't graduate.
    Seamanship program? That sounds interesting, what do you learn for that program?

    I'm taking a Class A CDL training course at the Loring Center, in Limestone, Maine.

    Sent from my Pixel using Tapatalk

  9. #9

    Default

    The program works on getting you your Z-Card for sailing with the Merchant Marine or working on a tugboat. You can train for the deck or engineering--perhaps even both. I do have the lifetime lifeboat certification but I don't remember anything since it was many years ago. But the program is still going on though they have different ships to train on now. It's a really great program though you'd have to go to the Left Coast lol--unless there's an East Coast Seamanship program.

    The CDL course does sound pretty good too. I know some people who were long-haul truck drivers and they made decent money running between Washington and California. Being diapered may be an advantage there. The people I know--one has recently retired--were married and they worked as a team, switching off when the current driver was required to go into the sleeper and rest. The lady who didn't retired teamed up with another lady whose husband also retired. She plans on retiring as soon as she pays off more stuff she wants for the house they have recently built--like her swimming pool.

    Both jobs will keep you out for a good amount of time but they do pay well. With seamanship, I think it's not unusual to be gone six months out of the year and getting paid well enough to survive the full year. The people I know who were long-haul truckers were gone all week and had weekends off--but schedules would depend on who you're working for. Some jobs you can head home at night--either a short haul trucker or even tugboat crew.

  10. #10

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by PaddedDeist View Post
    The program works on getting you your Z-Card for sailing with the Merchant Marine or working on a tugboat. You can train for the deck or engineering--perhaps even both. I do have the lifetime lifeboat certification but I don't remember anything since it was many years ago. But the program is still going on though they have different ships to train on now. It's a really great program though you'd have to go to the Left Coast lol--unless there's an East Coast Seamanship program.

    The CDL course does sound pretty good too. I know some people who were long-haul truck drivers and they made decent money running between Washington and California. Being diapered may be an advantage there. The people I know--one has recently retired--were married and they worked as a team, switching off when the current driver was required to go into the sleeper and rest. The lady who didn't retired teamed up with another lady whose husband also retired. She plans on retiring as soon as she pays off more stuff she wants for the house they have recently built--like her swimming pool.

    Both jobs will keep you out for a good amount of time but they do pay well. With seamanship, I think it's not unusual to be gone six months out of the year and getting paid well enough to survive the full year. The people I know who were long-haul truckers were gone all week and had weekends off--but schedules would depend on who you're working for. Some jobs you can head home at night--either a short haul trucker or even tugboat crew.
    Yeah, I've done a lot of research on the job field, I was more comfortable certifying for that and starting work now after my first year of college, rather than going into debt and possibly having less payout with an associate's degree, or even a bachelor's.

    Sent from my Pixel using Tapatalk

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