staceT said:
Hi
I dont know what i am expecting but here goes.
I recently had my mother staying, she suffered parkinsons and was incontinent, she was moved to a hospice where she passed away, at home we had a massive NHS supply of incon nappies which the hospice refused to take saying they can only use a preferred supplier.. Oh the grear UK NHS!! i decided to offer them to a good home via gumtree, when someone asked how many i had i realised that quite a few were missing. I was baffled as i knew all the boxes were full, when i asked my son if he knew i could tell by his reaction was wrong.
Any way after a couple of hours he came clean and admitted he had been wearing them, in fact he had been wearing and peeing in them for 2 month, i was shocked but was also worried about his distress that i had found out, he was sobbing and i could only comfort him, He told me he really enjoys wearing them and wants to wear them permenantly. To keep him from getting too upset i told him its no big deal and i will support him, infact since it came out he is really chilled and i have told him i wont get rid of the supply.
i want to know is this just a passing fad or will he spend the rest of the days in a nappy.
are their any long term effects of wearing them?
i just need someone for help and advice
Again, much respect for being open-minded and seeking advice rather than instantly passing judgement on your son. And sorry for your loss.
For reasons I
really don't understand, I've also had an attraction to wearing nappies since I was about 5 year old. It really is as strange to me as it must be to you. I've no idea how it works (magic?!) but nappies really calm me down and make me feel "okay" with the world... as if I'm taking a holiday from my mind.
This kind of interest seems to be fairly deep-rooted and not something that just "disappears". If anything, for me, the shame of having to keep it a secret, and the inability to act out my fantasy (until I was an adult), and (in the days before widespread internet access) thinking that I was alone in these "perversions"... probably led to me wanting nappies even more... and becoming even more distressed about how weird that was.
If there is one thing you can do to help your son, it would be to accept what he's telling you, and let him know that you love him no matter what. There are no long-term problems associated with wearing nappies, but the shame and self-criticism that often accompanies an interest like this can be psychologically damaging.
For many people, the interest in wearing nappies seems to be related, in some way or another, to a need to reduce anxiety. I would perhaps look into the symptoms of anxiety and ways in which your son may be able to reduce his anxiety levels. I have noticed that my interest in nappies significantly reduces as I get less anxious. "
Mindfulness" sounds like some nonsense psychobabble, until I realised that it's exactly what I do when I wear a nappy. I tune out the rest of the world, and focus only on bodily sensations. The area a nappy covers has some of the most densely-packed nerve-endings in the body.
I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your son, but I think it would be a good idea to discuss this further, and maybe come to some agreement as to how your son will manage his interest. I think it's perfectly acceptable to say that he should keep these things (more-or-less) in the bedroom, or otherwise so discreet no-one would know.
There are obvious hygiene issues with nappies, so again it would be fine to insist in swift disposal and frequent showering to eliminate the possibility of any unpleasant smells. Essentially, it's a harmless, quasi-fetishistic quirk that doesn't need to concern or inconvenience anyone if your son is discreet about it.
staceT said:
i want to know is this just a passing fad or will he spend the rest of the days in a nappy.
It's probably not a passing fad, but he probably won't spend the rest of his days in a nappy either. The chances are he's had these interests for years and been unable to act on them. With teenage(?) hormones raging, and free nappies in his sights, he's probably overwhelmed with the first opportunity in his life to act out his fantasy, and just wants to dive in head-first and do it all the time. The novelty will
probably fade after a while.
Admittedly some people who are into this kind of thing do wear nappies 24/7, but it's not
that common. For most of us the hassle and limitations of wearing 24/7 (without a medical excuse) isn't practical. Common-sense prevails and... with the freedoms of adulthood, come the responsibilities to live your life as you see fit. Everyone's different. For some, wearing nappies all the time brings some sense of security, but for most of us occasional wearing is enough, and we all live very different lives.
Some of us have been married for years without our partners knowing; other have partners that don't want to get involved and allow their other halves a bit of discretion to indulge their interests alone; others still participate to varying degrees. Many of us are too scared to dream of telling another person in real life... and this imposes its own limitations. :-/
If you take a step back, this may be a surprising revelation about your son, but it doesn't change who he is, and is doesn't (or shouldn't) limit him in any way.
Sorry for rambling... dunno if this helps :-/