Advice on ABDL Dating

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SimCo

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  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Little
I am just testing the waters with trying to meet other ABDLs like myself, and I need some advice. I am a 30 year old straight male and I am looking to meet an ABDL female to discuss our shared experiences. I am not looking for anything sexual right now, nor am I a creep desperately looking for a "mommy" to serve my needs. I am merely looking for a connection, and I am straight, so I feel like meeting with a male ABDL would be too homoerotic/weird for me right now.

Now I know that "male ABDL seeking female ABDL/mommy" probably describes 95% of all ABDLs on this board, and I understand what I am looking for is hard to find. I have tried ABDL.match.com, and while I like the format of the site in general, I am worried about scammers and the paywall seems like it would prevent me from ever meeting anyone (I even tried to sign up for a 3 month trial, but my payment was declined for no reason).

I know the "path of least resistance" would be to find a "normal" girlfriend and then ease her into ABDL. I feel like I could meet a girl, as I think I am a reasonably good looking young professional, but I am not looking for a strictly sexual relationship. Besides, on two occasions I have just scratched the surface of my ABDL side with past girlfriends, and both times it was not well received. I think the better course for me is try to find someone who shares my ABDL interests and try to build a relationship from there.

Any advice anyone could offer for my situation would be greatly appreciated.
 
Too bad I like older. That is probably my AB side that doesn't like younger but I think my carer side is stronger so maybe I need a daddy that I can care for in some ways and he can care for me in other ways. I tried Kwink and I had great luck talking to both men and women there. I never tried ABDL.match. I just signed up and instead of checking off one of the listed Links I did a search for diapers and I think it adds abdl to the profile and puts you in that community. I'm currently just testing the waters as well since I've only been out of a ltr for about a year and have some abdl and some non-abdl friends.

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What about a regular dating site and in your bio, place AB/DL, or abdl. Only a person into this would probably recognize abdl.
 
I've had AB relationships with non-ABs, and I tend to think that the two are probably best kept separate. The chances of finding your 'soul mate' from the very small pool of AB/DL females really isn't fair to you or to the 'right' person who might be swinging along in a more vanilla-type crowd. In other words, you may cheat yourself by constraining your search.

You say that finding someone who is not already AB/DL and 'educating' them is the path of least resistance. That's not correct. The path of least resistance is doing precisely what you propose to do: Looking for someone who's already AB or DL and go from there. 'Educating' is a darned hard job.

I've been a practicing AB for more than 30 years, and I've tried several times to create business opportunities that would serve the AB market. What I've found about most male ABs isn't particularly encouraging: Many have a low self-image or low social ascendency, most have very little money or no stable employment, and almost all feel inordinate shame about this aspect of their lives. I'm not sure that those qualities replicate in female ABs, but I have no reason to think that they do not.

As a general rule, if I were back on the market, I'd try to avoid nannies or childcare professionals. In my fairly wide experience, they generally have a tough time accepting ABs or DLs at any level in the relationship.

Your best opportunity, in my view, lies in finding someone who is your 'soul mate' and then conveying your infantilism to her in a way that provides an avenue or outlet for whatever maternal instinct she has. I've discovered, however, that most ABs have a tough time doing that; they are so focused on their needs and having their desires met that they fail to develop any empathy at all for the person who might fill that role. Being an AB caregiver, I've learned, is as satisfying to the 'right person' as being an AB is to us. In a very real sense, you have a far better chance of finding that 'right person' among all the other normal females out there than finding an existing AB who will fulfill your needs purely because she's sympathetic.
 
I agree, don't waste your time on dating an "AB female" I have personally met one on a website called "Fetlife" and she was alright at fulfilling my ABDL needs but she wasn't someone I really enjoyed being with as my adult self.
The best was to do it is to meet someone in the real world who is open minded and kinky. After that follow the steps as described by Lo:
http://dreamalittle.libsyn.com/introduce-ddlg-to-your-partner-with-a-blog

Trust me, this is the road to take!!
 
SimCo said:
I know the "path of least resistance" would be to find a "normal" girlfriend and then ease her into ABDL. I feel like I could meet a girl, as I think I am a reasonably good looking young professional, but I am not looking for a strictly sexual relationship. Besides, on two occasions I have just scratched the surface of my ABDL side with past girlfriends, and both times it was not well received. I think the better course for me is try to find someone who shares my ABDL interests and try to build a relationship from there.

Any advice anyone could offer for my situation would be greatly appreciated.

I think part of this depends on where you live (your profile just says U.S.). Are you in a city or a smaller town? If you're in a place with a munch, try going to that and see what sort of people you can meet. That can be a way to try and build things up organically. You can also try Fetlife and look for events, and going to a munch can then open things up to attend other events and get to know people locally, hoping meeting someone. Depending on the scene, that also might not work out (for example, the last munch I went to, almost everyone there attended with a partner for whatever reason). If that's the case, you can try some of the dating sites. ABDL match has been universally marked as a scam, so avoid that one. I've met at least one real person through kwink.com, so that one could work, though it's relatively small. You can also advertise that you're ABDL more publicly, such as dogboy's advice.
dogboy said:
What about a regular dating site and in your bio, place AB/DL, or abdl. Only a person into this would probably recognize abdl.
I will note though that doing something like this does have a chance of outing you, I'd recommend avoiding your real name in connection with it. Anyone who googles ABDL will find the Adult Baby Diaper Lover Urban Dictionary definition, so if a random friend finds your online dating profile, you're creating a risk by having it there. But it's not that big of a risk as long as you take some steps to make sure that the profile won't come up when people do searches connected to you.
 
I believe the "path of less resistance" is not finding someone who like ABDL first, then you second. It is finding someone who likes you first, the ABDL second.

Date normally. Bring it up sometime around the third date so this gives both of you an idea if you like each other first. However, by not waiting too long you're not wasting you're time with a potentially wrong mate. The alternative is limiting your self to a very small set of ABDL women, while ignoring the vast potential for women who may like ABDL.
 
Best of luck to you. If ABDL women were as common as the guys I think we'd all be a lot happier. I know I would.
 
Slomo said:
I believe the "path of less resistance" is not finding someone who like ABDL first, then you second. It is finding someone who likes you first, the ABDL second.

Date normally. Bring it up sometime around the third date so this gives both of you an idea if you like each other first. However, by not waiting too long you're not wasting you're time with a potentially wrong mate. The alternative is limiting your self to a very small set of ABDL women, while ignoring the vast potential for women who may like ABDL.

This is certainly how I found my accepting wife. I was too embarrassed and ashamed to ever tell her about being AB/DL. She found out many years later. By that time we had supported each other in so many different ways, me helping her with a lot of health issues. If someone truly loves you, they can work through being AB/DL, but remember that it takes two to make this work. You have to be considerate of your partner's feelings as well.
 
I am a DL, not ABDL, but sand applies. My wife figures out that diapers are somethings that I enjoys and we discussed boundaries. Now that I am IC she is very supportive but know I sort of enjoys it as well as need the protection. She even agrees that if I am healed I can still wear time to time. I try not to bring the topic too often though! There are much more important topics in our marriage! Good luck to all of you singles!


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My profile on a dating site outright says I'm experimenting with fetish / kink / whatever you want to call it, without going into details. That just serves to make sure people who are 100% vanilla and can't comprehend anything outside of that won't send me messages, provided they actually read the profile.
That said, I do not expect a potential partner to share my interests, but I don't want to have to hide it from them either. So far, it has lead to the conversations that actually went serious ("we both actually want to meet each other") to ask for details. So far, the reactions have been positive.
 
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