BIID and wanting to be Incontinent.

Crinklesounds · Jul 21, 2017

I'm not incontinent and I'm very happy about that, I'm grateful that I can hold my bladder if needed, the thought of my bowels releasing when I don't know I need to go must be horrible.
I've read stories on the incontinence link on this forum and the people that are genuinely incontinent say it's no walk in the park, and many can find it very depressing having to deal with it day in day out. I love wearing nappies and do 1's & 2's in them and don't get me wrong I love regressing back to my little side, but I also like being an adult and going out to do adult stuff with my friends.
The thought of being with my friends say in a bar and having to make my excuses cause I've shit myself must be emotionally draining to point that I wouldn't want to accociate with anyone cause the embarrassment and ridicule I'd have to deal with by certain members of society who just don't get adults having to wear nappies.
I get your desire to be dependent on nappies, but think of the reality and be grateful you can control yourself, cause if you asked others who are incontinent they'd tell you it isn't fun.

foxkits · Jul 21, 2017

PlotTwist said:
I've always been a DL since as long as I can remember, and of course I had thoughts like "if I was incontinent, I wouldn't have to worry about wearing diapers, I'd have an excuse!". In my case though, I realized that I didn't want the loss of control, I just wanted an easy out.

Then, due to medical issues, I became incontinent and realized it doesn't get any easier, hahaha.

I have always wanted a reason to wear diapers 24 /7 not be looked down for needing them for comfort.
If there was a pill so I could wet uncontrollably the I would take it.
To have a reason to wear pampers a medical one.

PCBaby · Jul 21, 2017

bobbilly said:
My incontinence desire and libdo has decreased since I have been prescribed strong antipsychotics for Schizoaffective Disorder. Because of the nature of my mental illness I get moments thinking I am mentally well and refuse to take my medication and my libdo and arousul returns with revengence and I strongly contemplate making myself incontinent by any means possible. My desire is not from the psychotic disorder. I remember my fascination going back to when I was in hospital when I was 5 years old and seeing a mentally disabled person with a stack of blue adult diapers stocked beside his bed and me being completely fascinated with them. The incontinent desires started when I first learned the meaning of incontinence and I instantly new thats what I wanted to be. I have never been able to approach the subject with a therapist but would like to explore the subject. I'm not looking for ways to achieve incontinence but to have an explanation on why I have these desires.

This really isn't a form of BIID but far more likely a result of your Mental Health problems.

Most ab/dl fixations occur at a very early age, usually before most of us are out of nappies/diapers. Whilst many want to be incontinent, this isn't something i would wish on anyone. Unless you are an IC you really have no idea how this can and does affect your life in so many ways from your usual day to day activites to more intimate behaviour with your partner.

Slomo suggested catheters, whilst this may sound like a good idea it's also a very easy way to get a UTI and at worse a kidney infection or even failure and it isn't something i would recommend for anyone.

Stick to wearing nappies and pants and consciously wetting them, it's much safer for you.

PCBaby · Jul 21, 2017

Thank you HeronimusM, as an IC yourself I'm sure you're aware of how it affects our lives and this is something that people that want to be incontinent just don't get.

It may sound great in theory. But having to plan everything from trips to love making it's a big problem for many of us.

At home i can sometimes get away wearing inco pads, although due to spinal problems and worsening IC I'm now nappied pretty much 24/7. However as soon as i step out the door I have to make sure I have my changing bag with me, know where disabled toilets are so that I can change in relative privacy.

Train journeys in the UK are especially problematic as they toilets are really, really small, even smaller than aircraft toilets.

You also have to take into consideration things like airport security, it's bad enough having your luggage searched and customs official finding nappies and plastic pants in your luggage. I've also been patted down a few times which has resulted in strip searches as they thought I may be carrying something illegal/dangerous on me. It's problems like these that non IC's just aren't aware of. Sorry rant over.

Rob110 · Jul 21, 2017

Remember the Moto Do No Self Harm

If you ask any one who is medically incontinent you will get the same answer 99% of the time that we wish we had the control you have back, having to carry diapers and supplies around all the time is a pain in the but. Peeing or having a bowel movement while standing talking some one while at work or in public is no fun and is embarrassing when they realize what just happened
wear for fun but keep your control and do not try to hurt your self so you are forced to be medically incontinent.

Slomo · Jul 21, 2017

HeronimusM said:
being incontinent, can be a big pain,

i don't understand this wish of getting incontinent, getting into comfort with your own body is far more important than loosing control over your body.
go see a good therapist, and explain your feelings... wanting to be incontinent is just WRONG.
sorry i might sound angry, but you must understand it's not a joy at all, and you have the greatest gift to choose when you put on a diaper... i've got no choice what so over

That's ok, you don't have to understand. However, know your comment isn't that far off from telling someone who wants to be transgendered it's just wrong and should see a therapist. Obviously that's kind of insulting to us. Becoming incontinent IS getting into comfort with our own bodies. They are one in the same.

And take it from somebody like me where being functionally incontinent (and diapered) is nowhere near as "inconvenient" as when I was having to fight bladder urges and run to the bathroom every hour on the hour so I didn't wet my underwear.

- - - Updated - - -

PCBaby said:
This really isn't a form of BIID but far more likely a result of your Mental Health problems.

Most ab/dl fixations occur at a very early age, usually before most of us are out of nappies/diapers. Whilst many want to be incontinent, this isn't something i would wish on anyone. Unless you are an IC you really have no idea how this can and does affect your life in so many ways from your usual day to day activites to more intimate behaviour with your partner.

Slomo suggested catheters, whilst this may sound like a good idea it's also a very easy way to get a UTI and at worse a kidney infection or even failure and it isn't something i would recommend for anyone.

Stick to wearing nappies and pants and consciously wetting them, it's much safer for you.

Many, many, of us have had to use catheters for years. A few (like myself) also allow the catheter to openly drain into our diapers- all with our urologists knowing about it and being ok enough with it. And guess what, in 20 years of doing so (periodically often, not always) I have never once gotten a UTI.

You are just falling for the fear tactics of catheters equal infection. True this absolutely does happen, though usually only for those who aren't clean with their catheterizations, or otherwise are just prone to getting an infection. But it is not even close to a guarantee.

Though like I mentioned before, and agree with you on, just sticking with wearing diapers all the time is the best route. Again, and "at the most" catheters could be used only as a temporary measure to verify if full blown incontinence is really what the OP is wanting. Doing so could actually show that full lack of control isn't something he might want after all. All without causing any actual harm.

goten · Jul 21, 2017

I get your desire to be dependent on nappies, but think of the reality

We have. You're forgetting that we're already wearing and using 24/7. Have been for years. We know exactly what it's like.

go see a good therapist, and explain your feelings... wanting to be incontinent is just WRONG.

"go see a good therapist, and explain your feelings... wanting to wear diapers is just WRONG."

See how that works?

i've got no choice what so over

I'm very sorry you don't like something you were forced to have. Life is quite unfair. But you need to understand that other people are different than you, and may desire things you detest, and vice versa.

You're just going to make yourself miserable if you keep getting worked up over other people liking things you don't.

Seriously, don't worry about us. There's no such thing as a magical incontinence pill or a surgery that any of us have access to. The only very unlikely way any of us will ever become incontinent is through true 24/7 use, and that will take years for people to realize whether or not they're okay with the downsides.

Unless you are an IC you really have no idea how this can and does affect your life in so many ways from your usual day to day activites to more intimate behaviour with your partner.

Please please please explain to me what I don't know.

The only difference between an incontinent person and myself is that I flood and leak easier because sometimes I accidentally hold it without realizing. Or I wake up in the middle of the night needing to go.

You also have to take into consideration things like airport security, it's bad enough having your luggage searched and customs official finding nappies and plastic pants in your luggage. I've also been patted down a few times which has resulted in strip searches as they thought I may be carrying something illegal/dangerous on me. It's problems like these that non IC's just aren't aware of.

Do you really think people who wear 24/7/365 but aren't incontinent have never gone through a security checkpoint before?

The only time I ever cheated and took them off was for a doctor appointment, because I didn't want bad comments on my medical chart if I wasn't actually incontinent. If I were, I would be okay with that too.

Peeing or having a bowel movement while standing talking some one while at work or in public is no fun and is embarrassing when they realize what just happened

I wouldn't want to be bowel incontinent. I do understand that sometimes losing control of one affects control of the other. I could live with it, but it wouldn't be pleasant to me personally.

I suspect people have picked up on the odors of #1 when I was unable to change quickly due to work.

or otherwise are just prone to getting an infection.

That's what it is in my case. I'm an unlucky one that gets them even when not using catheters, even though I put a lot of effort into staying clean. Very unpleasant and they last for weeks. Full disclosure: I do have a PA, but I am so very careful with it.

On the bright side, I never get rashes. Can't win 'em all though, huh?

Drifter · Jul 21, 2017

bobbilly said:
Do you think that that a person wanting to be incontinent falls into the remit of having Body identity integrity disorder? I was reading an online article that people with BIID who are perfectly healthy wanting to permanently and seriously maim themselves, primarily in involves people who want a limb amputated but do you think that can also include people who want to make themselves incontinent? It's interesting that 71% of people with BIID have sexual feeling about maining themselves. This is the website I read it on.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-4696834/People-amputate-healthy-limbs-AROUSING.html

I have been struggling with wanting to be completely incontinent since my early teens years. I have no sexual feeling towards females or males just with being incontinent and when I'm aroused would think nothing of have surgery on both my sphincters to make me totally incontinent, I think this stems more than just liking diapers. I would be complete being incontinent although I know it's irrational and would have a huge impact on my life.

In light of all the comments here it appears there are different but identifiable causes for a desire to be incontinent. That would mean that what causes it in one individual is not necessarily the same for all people.

Keeping in mind that ABDLs have a peculiar bias on this, there are two obvious, psychological causes for ABDLs to have this desire. One is the belief that being incontinent would make the infantile behaviors they want to engage in more realistic. The other is the desire to have a more socially acceptable excuse for wearing diapers without having to lie about it. These two are not mutually exclusive. How important these things are depends on the mindset and circumstances of the individual. The diaper 'love', itself, is undoubtedly an imprinted phenomenon rather than a psychological one.

If it is true that for you "this stems [from] more than just liking diapers" it's possible this desire goes deeper than merely being the result of psychological factors. If it is a thing-in-itself, independent of an attraction to diapers or regression, it could be an imprinted characteristic, especially if it involves any sexual feelings.

Desires based on psychological factors usually respond to treatment, which might be as simple as using reasoning like what you see in this thread. The desire might not completely disappear but common sense can lessen it considerably.

Imprinted characteristics, on the other hand, are beyond reasoning. It's not that people with unusual imprinted desires are crazy. They are fully aware their desires are weird and they understand just how unreasonable they appear to others. But this doesn't lessen the desire. 'Abnormal' imprinted characteristics are seen by some psychologists as 'disorders'.

PCBaby · Jul 21, 2017

Slomo, you said "Many, many, of us have had to use catheters for years. A few (like myself) also allow the catheter to openly drain into our diapers- all with our urologists knowing about it and being ok enough with it. And guess what, in 20 years of doing so (periodically often, not always) I have never once gotten a UTI.

You are just falling for the fear tactics of catheters equal infection. True this absolutely does happen, though usually only for those who aren't clean with their catheterizations, or otherwise are just prone to getting an infection. But it is not even close to a guarantee."

Firstly I am not falling for the fear tactics, i am speaking from personal experience, every time i have been cathed by a Dr or Nurse I have ended up with either a UTI and usually a kidney infection as well, and that includes before i became diabetic. It is never a good idea to leave the urethra open.

Slomo · Jul 21, 2017

PCBaby said:
Slomo, you said "Many, many, of us have had to use catheters for years. A few (like myself) also allow the catheter to openly drain into our diapers- all with our urologists knowing about it and being ok enough with it. And guess what, in 20 years of doing so (periodically often, not always) I have never once gotten a UTI.

You are just falling for the fear tactics of catheters equal infection. True this absolutely does happen, though usually only for those who aren't clean with their catheterizations, or otherwise are just prone to getting an infection. But it is not even close to a guarantee."

Firstly I am not falling for the fear tactics, i am speaking from personal experience, every time i have been cathed by a Dr or Nurse I have ended up with either a UTI and usually a kidney infection as well, and that includes before i became diabetic. It is never a good idea to leave the urethra open.

It's unfortunate you are so prone to infections (which I did call out as a reason for not using catheters before). The truth is, most people simply aren't. That's why catheters are so commonly used by doctors the world over. If everyone reacted as your body does, catheters would be an absolute last resort, and certainly wouldn't be widely sold on the open market as they are.

For you, and those like you; Absolutely- having an open catheter is a horrible idea. However, I can confirm my current urologist at the Mayo clinic, and my current urologist at the naval hospital, both say it's ok for me to do so. So long as I am changing my diaper frequently enough that is.

Like I said, and for the vast majority, this proves catheters do not automatically equal infections. Saying otherwise is just fear mongering. It'd be like someone who can't digest gluten trying to tell the vast majority that bread is a poision (which my own sister does). Uh, no and neither are catheters.

goten · Jul 22, 2017

i am speaking from personal experience

That's a lot of the issue with your comments in this thread: you're neglecting to realize that your experiences aren't the same as everyone else's.

When you ignore or dismiss our experiences and realities, your points will fail to reach us. Your heart is in the right place, but you'll never be able to rationalize this world if you only consider things from your own perspective. Like, you seem to think people with incontinence desires only wear when it's convenient, and that your frustrations at being incontinent when you don't want to be will match ours.

And on catheters, I'm with you- I won't touch a catheter for grave fear of UTIs. But there are loads of people with medical conditions that lead them to use catheters every single time they void. They often make single-use catheters that don't have the inflatable balloon in the end for them, Tiemann catheters for instance. If they were to get UTIs every time they used them, they wouldn't last long.

It's good advice to warn people of the UTI risk. But 99.99% of UTIs are not fatal- women get them all the time- they just burn incredibly badly, and you may end up with a small medical bill for antibiotics. People will learn their lesson if they're susceptible to them after one go. Yes, it's possible to die from one if a person is a complete idiot, ignores the UTI after it fails to go away, ignores the blood that comes out, ignores the pain in their bladder, ignores the pain as it spreads to their kidneys, and then ignores the full-body pain as it spreads and poisons the blood (sepsis). Most rational human beings will rush to the ER the second it hurts to pee, or at least once they start seeing blood in their urine.

PCBaby · Jul 22, 2017

goten said:
That's a lot of the issue with your comments in this thread: you're neglecting to realize that your experiences aren't the same as everyone else's.

When you ignore or dismiss our experiences and realities, your points will fail to reach us. Your heart is in the right place, but you'll never be able to rationalize this world if you only consider things from your own perspective. Like, you seem to think people with incontinence desires only wear when it's convenient, and that your frustrations at being incontinent when you don't want to be will match ours.

And on catheters, I'm with you- I won't touch a catheter for grave fear of UTIs.

Hi Goten,
I know my experiences aren't the same as ever one else's which is why I stated I was speaking from personal experience rather than making a generalization.
I'm not sure what you mean about incontinence,. I don't think people with IC wear when it's convenient for most of us it's an absolute necessary. I also believe that if you ask most people with IC what they think, they would probably say they would rather not be IC. You also make a point about "and that your frustrations at being incontinent when you don't want to be will match ours."
Unless things have changed for you I can't help but notice that you are not IC, therefore you're not really in a position to make such a statement.

goten · Jul 23, 2017

I don't think people with IC wear when it's convenient for most of us it's an absolute necessary.

I don't wear just when it's convenient, either. I wear 24/7, and go no matter what, even if I'm between a change.

I also believe that if you ask most people with IC what they think, they would probably say they would rather not be IC.

I agree 100%! Most people didn't want to become incontinent; of course they weren't happy when they did. I know I'm one of the outliers. I was happy to see a few people in this thread who felt the same as me.

Unless things have changed for you I can't help but notice that you are not IC, therefore you're not really in a position to make such a statement.

I'm still waiting for you to tell me the difference between you and I.

On a mental level, the incontinence desire is deep rooted in body image.

On a physical level, my life is identical to yours. 24/7 diapers, always going no matter what, and I've even leaked at work before.

why on earth would someone be incontinent?

"Why on earth would someone want to wear diapers?"

wearing everyday your favorite diaper gets old, and the ABDL diapers are way too bulky to hide on a daily basis.

Not for me.

you get some serious rashes from wearing more than 12 hours a night

Not for me.

kaki pants are useless

Those are fine, I buy a size too big and wear a belt. Even with LittlePawz I've never had any indication someone noticed I was wearing. I can kind of see them a bit on the back side, but people aren't staring at our rears that closely. Especially when we're not super handsome

I definitely can't wear jeans anymore, but I never liked them anyway.

and prepare to get really smelly trashbins

This is annoying, indeed.

good luck in the summer heat with skin problems.

No skin problems. I even wear onesies which add extra heat, doesn't bother me.

airport security public embarresment get your diaperbag searched

Had it happen. Brought a two week's supply on vacation, they went through luggage bag in front of me. Nothing was said.

But I only travel by air once every few years.

PCBaby · Jul 23, 2017

Hi Goten,
you are still not getting the point, you CHOOSE to wear and use and can stop anytime you want to. People with IC don't have that luxury. They HAVE to wear regardless. enough said

Trevor · Jul 23, 2017

PCBaby said:
Hi Goten,
you are still not getting the point, you CHOOSE to wear and use and can stop anytime you want to. People with IC don't have that luxury. They HAVE to wear regardless. enough said

It's surprising this even has to be said. Obviously, as a 24/7 wearer, I have much greater understanding of the practical hurdles faced by incontinent folks than the average person. I've been doing it over 9 months now. That doesn't mean I know what it is to be incontinent, and for my part I'm grateful. It's a game I can stop at any time, and that's how I prefer to keep it. Even doing it with 100% fidelity isn't the same because I can quit any time.

goten · Jul 24, 2017

you CHOOSE to wear and use and can stop anytime you want to.

But assuming I never choose to not wear again as long as I live, what is the functional difference? Or if that doesn't work for you, what has the difference been in the past fifteen years of my life from yours?

Do you really think that I am happy wearing and using 24/7, with zero intentions of wanting to stop for a solid 15 years now, and yet I'd become miserable with it all the second the choice went away?

If you think I'll tire of it after 15+ years, well, who knows, anything can happen. But it's far more likely that the 15 years of being disappointed at not being incontinent, plus the remainder of my life feeling that same way, will be a more negative experience to me than the small risk that becoming incontinent would suddenly make me not like it anymore. I'm an adult. I know the potential for this risk of regret. I should have the right to decide to take that risk and if it happens, I'd only have myself to blame. And of course I'd pay for all my own supplies, not rely on some public health that others pay for. But I don't have that choice, so this whole thread is a thought exercise.

Again this is no difference from transgender folks. The gender reassignment surgery is a one way thing. Once your testes are gone, you can't get them back. Some people do have regrets after it. But the medical establishment has determined that the risk can be worth it if their current dysphoria is great enough.

It's a game I can stop at any time, and that's how I prefer to keep it.

That's just it: it's a game to you. It's not to us. Compare a cross dresser to a transgender person.

You're neglecting there's something different about our brains that make us deeply desire this change, and not having it leads to varying levels of distress. It's okay that you don't have that. Heck, it's good you don't. But we do have it, and we're stuck with it even if you can't or won't try to understand it :|

What's so perplexing to me is all of you have something that makes you desire diapers, something that 99% of people find very weird, yet you guys don't seem to be able to grasp people like us desiring incontinence. It's the same thing. It doesn't have a logical, rational explanation. It just is. You get to enjoy your diapers and be content, I have something I'll always yearn for and not get to experience in life. Imagine never being able to wear a diaper for whatever reason. It'd suck, right?

But, I've said this as many ways as I could think to say it. I think we're just going in circles, so I'm going to bow out of this conversation. I'll read your replies though if you'd like to respond.

BIID and wanting to be Incontinent.

One day at a time