My first Realisation

so I wanted to put down how I realised I was an ABDL

All my life I'd done weird things (or things I thought were weird or not the social norm) I was constantly scared I'd get in trouble or get bullied at school, so I denied It all and tried to forget every time something like that happened. however occasionally "that" side of me would surface.

So one week when it happened I was lying in bed, on a day off. couldn't get back to sleep so I just thought about stuff. And suddenly, it was like every memory I'd tried so hard to forget, just flashed through my mind. the memory of trying to make a pretend diaper out of blankets and celotape for one example

It was like God had just shone a torch into my mind

Literally the closest time I have ever been to believing in the more spiritual side of things. all the self-deceptions the little lies I told myself, were laid out before me. It felt like I was looking at my whole life and left with the decision, Acknowledge this fact, or continue denying that part of my life

I chose to acknowledge it, wouldn't be writing this otherwise, ironically it's discovering I have this interest that has spurred me to take an interest in being more self reliant.

So how did you guys realize you were an ABDL/Whatever? did you guys know from the start or only realize later?

I know exactly where youre coming from. I used to feel weird and do weird things. I remember when i was a child like four and five, always wanting to wear training pants again and loved the smell of our closet which smelled like baby diapers. I would open the closet just to smell it. Then when i was 6 or 7, i pooped my pants at ohr local walmart, and my mom stuck a bundle of toilet paper in my underwear and it felt so much like a diaper. After that, i would make my own toilet paper diapers using whole rolls of paper and waddling around the house with my whole family looking at me weird. Around that same time, i started wetting the bed prettt much every night. One day my mother just showed up with a pack of goodnites on the table, and years after even touching a diaper, upon seeing that pack of goodnites, instantly knew i wanted them. I wore them for a few years until my mother god fed up with me hiding them in the closet due to embarrassment. This was when i entered my baby diaper stealing phase. My little cousins were still in diapers and i would sneak away with a couple and wear them. That led to some embarrasing confrontations. Following that, my dad started to buy me adult diapers after growing out of goodnites. Then after i was in high school i was kinda on my own and my dad stopped buying them. Now im buying abdl premium stuff. Definitely a goodand bad experience, but more so a good one. Kind of a funny thing how the abdl life chooses you.

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I knew I wanted to be back in diapers by the time I was 4. By the age of 6 I was beginning to act on it, stealing other neighbors wet diapers, etc. Once puberty hit, age 12, I was deliberately wetting some old underwear which I kept hidden. I finally got discovered when I was in college and my mom sent me to a psychiatrist. I also had some other serious problems. For me, wanting to wear diapers has always been a strong desire and one that has never gone away.

I wet the bed until my early teens so diapers were kind of a big part of my life until i was maybe like 14 or 15. I still wet the bed occasionally but the feeling that diapers bring to me is so soothing. It's hard to remember a specific moment where it really clicked in my head because I feel like that has happened a couple times... It's hard to go from thinking that it's normal, to not normal, and back to normal again. Regardless I feel like I'm ready to embrace the AB side of myself, but it's hard when you know that people you care about will judge you for it.