are you embarrassed?

Last night in the ER I was a little embarrased. I ended up having like 6-8 different nurses, and 2 different doctors all handling my penis at some point. They were all trying to get me open from a urethral blockage, but couldn't.

Worse yet, my wife was with me most of the time, and she was acting like a peanug gallery. Lickily I threw any modesty out the window, kept a good mood about it all, and was able to brush it all off.

Hi Slome,
sorry to hear you had problems, I hope it's cleared up now. what do you mean by "Worse yet, my wife was with me most of the time, and she was acting like a peanug gallery. Lickily I threw any modesty out the window, kept a good mood about it all, and was able to brush it all off". It's not a saying I've come across before. thanks

At first I was incredibly embarrassed. I didn't want to be seen as a freak. I would purposefully wear baggy clothes and oversized tops to make sure the diaper didn't poke out as I bent down or that so that nobody could see the outline of it.

... now? I honestly couldn't give a damn. I'm open to everyone. I make jokes. I laugh. It's either that or cry. And sometimes I do cry. Because I'm a 20 year old woman tha has to wear nappies 24/7.

My mum buys my diapers and has even helped me change before. My entire family knows.

It's like... I've just gotten used to this fact. I need diapers. Oh well.

My new hurdle to get over at the moment is swimming. I love swimming so much. But I need to wear diapers. My mum and auntie both own hot tubs and pools and I've been in there with a nappy on but going in a public place is a totally different thing... it's going to take ale some time. I'm going to a water park soon and I'm terrified but I'm sure once I've done it and it's gone smoothly, I'll be confident again.

Hi babyKai,
Depending on how much you ant to spend you can get swim nappies in adult sizes for both men and women that look like ordinary beach wear. the cheaper ones are for fecal incontinence only but i find a pair of those over a pair of plastic pants aare great for swimming in.

BabyKai said:

My new hurdle to get over at the moment is swimming. I love swimming so much. But I need to wear diapers. My mum and auntie both own hot tubs and pools and I've been in there with a nappy on but going in a public place is a totally different thing... it's going to take ale some time. I'm going to a water park soon and I'm terrified but I'm sure once I've done it and it's gone smoothly, I'll be confident again.

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http://www.theraquatics.com/soadcoswbr.html

'ello BabyKai.

Your comment(s) caught my attention, so I thought wth, I'd toss-in my own .02 on this topic.
My biggest regret about having to wear diapers, is that they've cost me some of the hobbies I used to enjoy so very, very much. No more riding my mountain bike(s) (All sold now, so g-bye to that), no more horseback rides (although, with my shot knees? That was sorta inevitable anyways). Scuba-diving... Holy hell, I miss that! Wearing light clothing, aka swim-trunks, easy shorts, that sort of thing. Now, I have to wear to cover the padding, wear more top-side, to drape OVER the lower half, to help conceal the padding... Winter isn't so bad, but the heat of summer? Utterly sucks, and not in a fun way!
Hiking... Limited, now. You have a messy accident, walking for ANY distance isn't 'Fun' anymore, and hygienically speaking, leads to some very unpleasant side-effects (rashes)...

Honestly, I've become such a shut-in hermit/recluse over the past few years, I'm actually starting to accept that.

But when the weather is nice, I peer out of the windows, and feel a serious loss of enjoying 'Life'.

B.

Bucephalus said:

'ello BabyKai.

Your comment(s) caught my attention, so I thought wth, I'd toss-in my own .02 on this topic.
My biggest regret about having to wear diapers, is that they've cost me some of the hobbies I used to enjoy so very, very much. No more riding my mountain bike(s) (All sold now, so g-bye to that), no more horseback rides (although, with my shot knees? That was sorta inevitable anyways). Scuba-diving... Holy hell, I miss that! Wearing light clothing, aka swim-trunks, easy shorts, that sort of thing. Now, I have to wear to cover the padding, wear more top-side, to drape OVER the lower half, to help conceal the padding... Winter isn't so bad, but the heat of summer? Utterly sucks, and not in a fun way!
Hiking... Limited, now. You have a messy accident, walking for ANY distance isn't 'Fun' anymore, and hygienically speaking, leads to some very unpleasant side-effects (rashes)...

Honestly, I've become such a shut-in hermit/recluse over the past few years, I'm actually starting to accept that.

But when the weather is nice, I peer out of the windows, and feel a serious loss of enjoying 'Life'.

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You know, if there is anything to take away from all of these threads (sports and diapers, etc.) it is this: diapers only limit you as much as you are willing to let them limit you. It is rather like the old Eleanor Roosevelt line that no one can take advantage of you without your permission: diapers can't mess with your life (pardon the pun) unless you allow them to do so. Like walking? Find a diaper that doesn't chaff and either carry changes or don't stray too far from home. Like swimming? Swim diapers do work. Like sports such as soccer or tennis? There are plenty of brands you can wear while playing. Hell, you can probably wear Dry 24/7s while playing and still play very effectively.

But first you have to stop letting the diapers control your life. You have to stop being afraid of everyone else knowing. Incontinence is a medical condition that affects tens of millions of people in America, probably hundreds of millions globally. It takes some initial resolve to say "what the hell" and stop caring what others might think, but it's your one and only life: why are you allowing the possibility of a passing glance by a stranger to take your pleasure away?

It's extremely embarrassing for me. I've learned to deal, and get better as time goes on. But I don't want anyone but my wife and doctor to know so keeping it a secret can create a lot of stress. It can be very difficult at work. I've gotten comfortable enough that I trust that my clothes actually do hide it well, but I'm always paranoid at work about leaks and changing in the restrooms. I absolutely do not want anyone here to know.

When my IC first started, it first showed up as intermittent bedwetting that got more and more often. then came day time urgency. I got to a point where I was sick and tired of all the bedding laundry where I decided to try wearing protection to bed. I started with crappy depend real feel underwear (didn't know any better) which were useless. Did some research online and realized I needed a real and high quality diaper. I ordered them and talked to my wife, who was incredibly supportive. Still for a long time I was SO embarrassed to be seen even by her in a diaper.

Over the months, I got used to wearing a diaper to bed and found that it was a really good solution for me. No more laundry, better sleep etc. In the meantime I went to urologist as my daytime urgency was getting worse and I had had a few minor day time leaks. I got to a point where I was wearing pullups during the day, mostly "just in case" but found I was needing them more and more. None of the meds worked. kegels didn't work. I wasted thousands of dollars on crappy pills. All the while I was leaking more and more and the leaks were getting worse and worse. After a very bad public accident I realized I just needed to wear a diaper 24/7 and I'd have to find a way to live with it.

90% of the time, I forget I'm even wearing it. but then certain situations arise when it can become a real hassle...like going to the beach with friends, travelling, spending time at other people's houses. I have to plan everything around changes or modify fluid intake to try to avoid having to change when at someone else's house.

I really wish I could just not give a damn who knew, but I can't. It's immensely embarrassing for me to think of anyone finding out. Oddly, or maybe not, I don't really care too much about strangers finding out. I'm not worried leaving wet diapers in the hotel trash, or even that concerned about my shirt riding up and exposing my waistband in the store. The thought of my friends and coworkers finding out though is terrifying to me. I just don't want everyone I know to think of me as "the guy who wears diapers". Ugh.

kerry said:

You know, if there is anything to take away from all of these threads (sports and diapers, etc.) it is this: diapers only limit you as much as you are willing to let them limit you. It is rather like the old Eleanor Roosevelt line that no one can take advantage of you without your permission: diapers can't mess with your life (pardon the pun) unless you allow them to do so. Like walking? Find a diaper that doesn't chaff and either carry changes or don't stray too far from home. Like swimming? Swim diapers do work. Like sports such as soccer or tennis? There are plenty of brands you can wear while playing. Hell, you can probably wear Dry 24/7s while playing and still play very effectively.

But first you have to stop letting the diapers control your life. You have to stop being afraid of everyone else knowing. Incontinence is a medical condition that affects tens of millions of people in America, probably hundreds of millions globally. It takes some initial resolve to say "what the hell" and stop caring what others might think, but it's your one and only life: why are you allowing the possibility of a passing glance by a stranger to take your pleasure away?

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That's a lovely sentiment, in a perfect world.
I don't live in that kind of world.
Diapers, and everything related to them, costs money. Neither my meager 'Medicareless', nor even more limited 'V.A. Benefits', cover diapers (and related products). Which means I must pay out-of-pocket for any and all.
It costs me money to leave my 'Home'. The more I leave my 'Home', the more $$$ it costs me.

That's a simple fact of my life now, and one I have to deal with.

Sorry if I failed to articulate my personal life and challenges better, in my prior post. But don't deride me for doing the best I can, in what is degenerating into a wholly unlivable situation. I am only trying to make the best of things, as I can.

B.

Bucephalus said:

That's a lovely sentiment, in a perfect world.
I don't live in that kind of world.
Diapers, and everything related to them, costs money. Neither my meager 'Medicareless', nor even more limited 'V.A. Benefits', cover diapers (and related products). Which means I must pay out-of-pocket for any and all.
It costs me money to leave my 'Home'. The more I leave my 'Home', the more $$$ it costs me.

That's a simple fact of my life now, and one I have to deal with.

Sorry if I failed to articulate my personal life and challenges better, in my prior post. But don't deride me for doing the best I can, in what is degenerating into a wholly unlivable situation. I am only trying to make the best of things, as I can.

B.

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If you have VA access, then yes they do cover diapers. They will make you fight for them, and they will want to give you Wings diapers which are less absorbent than even depends. Fight to get something better, and they will not deniy you what you need.

I'm in the process of getting confidry from the VA myself. So I know this full well. And in the mean time (and for the last 20 years) I too have paid for my own diapers. When you make them a bill priority more important than cable tv or eating out, then you realise it isn't good diapers you can't afford, it's all the other frivolous stuff. Want even that too, then do what I did and get a job in a field you know will pay well.

Ultimatey the onky thing that's holding you back isn't the need for diapers, it's how you look at and address that need. So Kerry's post was pretty much spot on.

Slomo said:

If you have VA access, then yes they do cover diapers. They will make you fight for them, and they will want to give you Wings diapers which are less absorbent than even depends. Fight to get something better, and they will not deniy you what you need.

I'm in the process of getting confidry from the VA myself. So I know this full well. And in the mean time (and for the last 20 years) I too have paid for my own diapers. When you make them a bill priority more important than cable tv or eating out, then you realise it isn't good diapers you can't afford, it's all the other frivolous stuff. Want even that too, then do what I did and get a job in a field you know will pay well.

Ultimatey the onky thing that's holding you back isn't the need for diapers, it's how you look at and address that need. So Kerry's post was pretty much spot on.

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Do you honestly believe-
1) I have not inquired with the V.A. about this?
and
2) That I care to 'Fight for', a product like this? Have it/my issues (in this instance, NOT related to my military injuries, and so, NOT covered under the paltry 'Percentage of Disability' they granted me, after YEARS of battling their system of confused red-tape), dragged out before yet more strangers, who don't give a flying fuck about my personal issues/needs, anyway?

Does my tone seem a tad sarcastic? Can't imagine why.

The V.A. is a dismal failure, far's I'm concerned. The only thing they HAVE got right, is the lower cost of medications. IF/Once you finally GET any prescribed. The stories people read/hear about, over the public news sites, is only a grain of sand on what is truly a mountain of shit, that the V.A. does to most Veterans. I don't wish this topic to digress into a tirade, so will just stfu now.


B.

Bucephalus said:

Do you honestly believe-
1) I have not inquired with the V.A. about this?
and
2) That I care to 'Fight for', a product like this? Have it/my issues (in this instance, NOT related to my military injuries, and so, NOT covered under the paltry 'Percentage of Disability' they granted me, after YEARS of battling their system of confused red-tape), dragged out before yet more strangers, who don't give a flying fuck about my personal issues/needs, anyway?

Does my tone seem a tad sarcastic? Can't imagine why.

The V.A. is a dismal failure, far's I'm concerned. The only thing they HAVE got right, is the lower cost of medications. IF/Once you finally GET any prescribed. The stories people read/hear about, over the public news sites, is only a grain of sand on what is truly a mountain of shit, that the V.A. does to most Veterans. I don't wish this topic to digress into a tirade, so will just stfu now.


B.

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Oh, I fully understand your fustratrions. Your sarcasm in the least is warranted. While I am 50% rated, my incontinence was not severe enough at the time of my discharge to have been logged in as part of my rating. And, when I first got reviewed by the VA they tried to give me 20%. I was also outright denied diapers, even their cheap ones.

After reading about others abdl's in the VA getting confidry, I recently decided to try for them again. It's been a year of fighting the VA for them. I'm finally approved for their cheap wings diapers and have been "promised" to get better diapers. It isnt happening without my constantly pushing for it though.

So, yeah they make it near impossible to get what you need- unless you fight for it. Worse still, technically they aren't allowed to deny you any medical care or supplies you need, even if you have a 0% rating with the VA.

So to sum this all up relavent to the thread. This is one area where you cannot be embarrassed by your incontinence and need for diapers. Not only do yiuq have to embrace it, but you often end up needing to shout it out loud to the VA doctors.

I'd say I'm getting better about dealing with the embarrassment. My family, my doctors, and my boyfriend are the only ones who know the full extent of my health issues, so I know they'll understand if there's a waistband or bulge showing, or if I start to smell a bit stale after a while. It can be a bit awkward trying to talk about it still, but it's a relief to know I don't have to have ninja-like stealth about the whole thing around them.

On the other hand, my coworkers and my housemates still don't know. I'd prefer work to not know, just out of regard for my own right to privacy, but protection that can hold up through an 8-hour shift isn't the easiest to conceal. As far as the guys I live with, I have told them that my tethered cord is causing some issues, but only in very broad terms, like "Hey if my room starts to stink, please just let me know; I've kinda gone nose-blind to it". They've definitely seen me run to the bathroom multiple times in the same hour when I'm sans-padding, so by now it's probably easy to assume I've got control issues too, but it's not something I really know how to bring up with them. They have asked why I get so many big packages in the mail, so at some point I feel obligated to level with them, but for now I'm way too embarrassed to outright tell them "Aye the big boxes are the best deal when you need 3-4 diapers a day".

Yes, i can still be embarrassed when my wife tells me to change my diaper etc.

Sendt fra min BTV-W09 med Tapatalk

Diapers are only a problem if you let them be a problem. I was closeted about my need and use early on , when you first become IC , you blow the whole thing out of proportion, but then as you go about life they fade into just a tiny piece of who you are , at first you don't want to acknowledge them or to be seen by anyone wearing them or tell anyone ,including the doctor who prescribes them as time goes by and you get some perspective it gets alot easier , think of it like when your a kid and get that horrific "mount Vesuvius" pimple before a social engagement , you think it's the end of the world as you know it , years later you remember blowing it out of proportion but you realize it was all for nothing ,almost every kid goes thru acne , apply that lesson to diapers,I can't dance down the street in just a diaper ( I can't dance ) but my diaper is just a part of my life ,I don't care it's there and on the odd chance someone should ask I would tell them about it with no problem.
I have a friend who invited me over last year for field day after we got me up there ,he realized I could get into his shack with my wheelchair but not to his bathroom , I told him i wear diapers it's not a problem and we continued on , he had me over again on 4th of July weekend , when he realised I couldn't get my chair to the optimal viewing spot , he said your light enough I will backpack you , I said no I wouldn't want my diaper to possibly leak " he said what you dont think I have been peed on before , i do have three kids , if you do i throw the shirt in the wash" I even after years of wearing i was more worried then he was.
You are never to old to learn something new or have your eyes opened . Sure there are people out there that have a negative diaper fetish ( an unhealthy unnatural fear of all things diaper related ) but most adults really are pretty cool about it , I had never had a reason to tell Jeremy I need or used them before then , and he handled it just fine , because its really a non issue with most people, save the occasional moron who never became smarter than a 1st grader.define your diaper don't let it define you .

Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk

kerry said:

To what extent are we embarrassed about our need to wear diapers?

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My initial reaction would be "eh, not really". But lately, I started to pay attention to my actions and thoughts ... Being pretty much incon, I don't have much choice but to "accept" the state I'm in. Does this mean embarrassment? Well ... yes ... I don't change clothing in public changing areas like "gang lockers" at water parks or a gym. Why? Partially out of not wanting to subject others to something different like a person putting on a diaper; partially because I am embarrassed that I am different. And even though I consider a diaper a medical device, it is not like the eye-glasses that I have to wear. Why? Because many folks wear glasses; thus, wearing glasses is not "different". But wearing a diaper is different. Thus, the "extent" of my embarrassment is that I won't openly flaunt wearing diapers. But if it gets revealed/known then "oh well"; that's what my slightly broken body has delivered to me.

kerry said:

If so, to what extent? Would you be embarrassed if someone noticed the diaper under your clothes? If someone heard you changing in a rest room? If others who know you knew? If someone found your changing supplies? Etc.

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Another interesting question that caused me to think a bit ... Some have noticed something different about my posterier; one good friend even commented "is that a ... a diaper"? She wasn't condescending; just surprised. Was I embarrassed at that moment? Yes: for about 2 seconds. Then I fell back into the "medical condition" ... explain the situation ... and we moved on. As for the changing in a restroom: that's not an embarrassment because I've heard worse sounds come out of other stalls! :laugh:

The interesting thing that I've noticed is that if I "plan" for being "outted", then I am not embarrassed (e.g., TSA rifling thru my backpack that has diapering supplies; doc/hospital visits; masseuses; etc.). But when I'm not expected to be "found out" and then it's revealed that I am wearing a diaper, I feel the twinge of embarrassment. Thankfully, it only last a few seconds. But it still stings.

kerry said:

If not, how have you managed to work past the societal imperative that says people of a certain age should not be in diapers? Are you really comfortable with others knowing? Etc.

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Comfortable? Mmm-ehhh ... The way I equate it is before having to use diapers 24/7, I wore cloth underwear (seems like a long time ago!). I didn't broadcast to people that I was wearing "tidy-whities", boxers, or anything else. If they knew they knew. After all, it was normal to wear a cloth underwear; and even to go commando. If someone "new" what was underneath then so be it. But a diaper is a "different". All that to say that I can be comfortable with others knowing; but I'd rather they don't.

I've been dealing with varying (increasing) degrees of urinary incontinence for years, and I'm still embarrassed anytime I change in public, especially at work around colleagues. The most important people in my life have known, but even around them, I'm still embarrassed anytime I go to the bathroom with my backpack (changing bag). It's almost more embarrassing to deal with it around people who already know. I've been having episodes of IBS lately, but so far haven't had to deal with it much in public, as I'm able to time my routine to avoid public changes when it occurs. Kind of funny, the few times I have had those kinds of changes in public has really put my urinary incontinence in perspective. I can't imagine having to deal with that every day as well.

I'm not incontenent. I only wear for the joy of wearing a diaper. My wife knows all about it and supports me in whatever. I really have an ideal situation.

It still embarrass me however, not the changing or the sound or anything like that. I'm embarrassed because I have so many great things in my life. A loving wife, great kids, a big house and a six figure income. I'm all these things and a DL. I'm sure there are worse things and interests that would be more detrimental, but I still feel stupid for this. It's not all the time, but it is there. Is anyone else embarrassed because you want to wear a diaper?

I think it would be easier for me to deal with if I had a real need. Even if I still enjoyed it, but the root of it was a real need. This is th best I am. I choose to wear diapers. I choose to be different. I hate it most of the time. I think I hate myself just a little bit for it.

Im not embarrassed that I wear. I'm embarrassed that I want to wear.

baden said:

Is anyone else embarrassed because you want to wear a diaper?

I think it would be easier for me to deal with if I had a real need. Even if I still enjoyed it, but the root of it was a real need. This is th best I am. I choose to wear diapers. I choose to be different. I hate it most of the time. I think I hate myself just a little bit for it.

Im not embarrassed that I wear. I'm embarrassed that I want to wear.

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I was EXACTLY like you until I was unlucky enough to become incontinent myself. I never actually WANTED to be incontinent, but I thought it would easily provide for a reason to wear that wasn't "weird" and embarrassing.

Then, when I started to have bladder problems and HAD to wear, or wake up in a wet bed/wet my pants during the day, I felt so much guilt. I still was a DL, but now had to wear? I kept second guessing myself whether this was "real" or if I was making it up in my head. The self-doubt was much worse than my feelings about the desire to wear, although I'm no psychologist I'd guess it's closely related though.

It's not an easy (or straightforward) task, but as many people have said before, the best thing is to come to terms with it as a part of you that you're not going to get rid of. Engaging in wearing for fun isn't a problem as it hurts no one, and as long as it doesn't become an obsession or take time away from other parts of your life, it shouldn't be anything to worry about.

- - - Updated - - -

As far as to the original topic though, I'm not embarrassed I have to wear, but I do still get embarrassed having to change around my wife, or have people I know hear me changing. I like to keep my underwear needs as a private matter, although I don't care if strangers in a public bathroom may hear my tapes ripping off while I change in a stall.