Contacting Other DL's

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InfamousRhino

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I didn't know where to put this so feel free to move it if it's in the wrong place.

I recently discovered through chance that someone I have mutual friends with is a DL too. We live and work very close to each other (basically just 2 floors difference). I am still debating if I want to contact this person or not. Would it be weird or creepy for me to contact this person on Facebook or something? The person is a member of this site but I just don't know if contacting them is appropriate. I would love to meet them and talk to them since I have never known another person (in real life) to be a DL too. Any thoughts?
 
Hi InfamousRhino, I would start with small interactions. Like a smile and nod when you see each other in the building. Then after a few days go to coffee or something. Be casual about it. As you said it could get ackward.
 
That seems to be a very unique occurrence, and this wouldn't be an experience that I would pass up. But like CanadianGal said, make some efforts to interact IRL first.

If I may, how did you learn that he/she is a DL in the first place?
 
JerryBaker said:
That seems to be a very unique occurrence, and this wouldn't be an experience that I would pass up. But like CanadianGal said, make some efforts to interact IRL first.

If I may, how did you learn that he/she is a DL in the first place?

Honestly I wasn't looking but I found an old post by the person while looking for a related answer to a question. After that I just used Facebook and looked them up from mutual friends. I know, kind of creepy but I couldn't help myself knowing someone right under my nose was a DL too.
 
InfamousRhino said:
Honestly I wasn't looking but I found an old post by the person while looking for a related answer to a question. After
InfamousRhino said:
that I just used Facebook and looked them up from mutual friends. I know, kind of creepy but I couldn't help myself knowing someone right under my nose was a DL too.


Hm. That is a bit tricky... I would still stick with getting to know them first followed by light but complete honesty about it. If you two are reasonably acquainted and this person is exactly who you think they are, then I don't see how this can't unfold relatively smoothly. Caution is key, but be completely honest with how you got the information. I totally get you about wanting to know, and I'd probably do the same.
 
I would actually recommend contacting them here on ADISC first with a PM, if they're a regular member, and take it from there. I would get kind of freak out if someone just approached me out of the blue in real life about anything relating to this.
 
INTrePid said:
I would actually recommend contacting them here on ADISC first with a PM, if they're a regular member, and take it from there. I would get kind of freak out if someone just approached me out of the blue in real life about anything relating to this.

This is probably a good idea. Or otherwise I'd mention you came across he is a DL like you, via a private message on facebook.
 
I met me a play pen pal here

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Count me as another one for "contact them here, first". They already know and trust this site with knowledge of their DL side, but like many here I'm sure they keep it well hidden from public view and might get uncomfortable if someone asks them about it. They might even cold deny it. Try sending them a message here and waiting a week, if no luck after that, then I'd guess the only way to go is as previously mentioned, get to know them a bit then be straightforward about it.
 
I'd say no, make no effort to contact him. it could send him over the edge!
 
I'd add another vote for ADISC contact. Everyone, just by being on this site, is admitting knowledge and interest in ABDL stuff under their pseudonym here. So it's not weird to get a PM by an ABDL here. You should be very gentle in such a PM, saying something similar to this thread about how you found out about an old post and think you and the person might be mutual acquaintances IRL. Ask them, in the ADISC PM, if that person wants to chat and what sort of venue they like. Some people might be cool grabbing coffee in the real world right away (as long as it's a safe public place for a first meeting). Other people might want to send some PMs back and forth, or get on a private chat via any of the myriad online chat clients so that they get a chance to feel you out a little.

Also, it helps everyone feel like things are in control if you split up some of the logistics responsibility. Like you make first contact, they get to pick how they want to communicate, then you can suggest some different times and let them choose which is best. That sort of thing.
 
I actually met a good DL friend through DPF. That was over 15 years ago, and we are still best friends.
 
To avoid making them jumpy, adisc contact is my vote
 
ADISC Contact gets my vote.
 
I myself would like to be contacted by close by DL, To be able to talk in person about my feelings would be the best , New Hampshire
 
It can happen i met me play pen pal here

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I too vote for an ADISC contact. I'm guessing he's an inactive member? Your first contact should be a soft contact. Be careful as to how much you reveal, saying something like we might work in the same building or live in the same town, something he can back away from if he's uncomfortable about revealing himself.
 
The only thing I really have going for me is that we are both in very similar situations. I will send him a PM on here once that is opened to me.
 
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