Growing desires

For some reason I only feel my desires growing. For example I usually don't dream. When I do I dream of a blood and war. It's a mix of dark desires and nightmares. Lately I've been have repeated dreams of being with a loving woman watching over me like a baby. One dream it's me and her in a house alone. Me playing on the floor, her watching tv and over me. The second has me and her on a walk. I'm in a stroller only having just woken up. I like/hate these dreams. They're enjoyable, but lead me back to hope. Hope is a horrible thing for me. I'm better off not being able to hope. It usually just leads to my he